After first time; need advice.

[Chase2510]

Im pretty inexperienced sexually, and last week I spent a few days with a mate who's much more experienced, and we got up to allot of stuff.
I had a good time, but there were a few things which didn't go as I'd imagined, and I'm looking for some advice to resolve a few issues.

1) We sucked each other numerous times a day during the week, and I noticed I could lie there for hours being sucked, in ecstasy, without even getting close to cumming. On one occasion, he spent half an hour sucking me, and I loved it, but even lost my erection during and afterwards couldn't even get myself anywhere near orgasm.
In order to cum I'd still need a few minutes of ruthless fast j/o. Has so many years of jacking off lead to me only being able to cum in this way? What can I do to make my dick less "picky" regarding what stimulation it responds to?

2) I sucked him off plenty of times, but couldn't get him to cum with my mouth. He, like me, required fast ruthless j/o before he'd get close. I tried everything from deep thrusts to tickling his frenulum with my tongue, and he said my technique was good, but it wasn't easy to get him to cum. Does anyone have any ideas on how to improve my technique with regard to stimulating a guy to cum?

3) I tried bottoming for him (first time). I did eventually relax and take it, but it felt like there just wasn't room in my ass. He has a thick dick, but I was coping with the girth; it was more to do with the length. I felt like my rectum just wasn't deep enough to accommodate him. (He used loads of lube, and was really supportive. We took things pretty slow, and he never tried to rush things.)
Is there anything I can do to improve my bottoming capabilities? Would it be advisable to work on my ass with dildos or butt-plugs or something, and if so, can someone prescribe a regime to work on, or a product they recommend?

4) I don't have much of a sex drive. It's not something that's really bothered me too much before, but when I was with my friend, he wanted more and more, and I couldn't understand why I wasn't as enthusiastic as he was, after so many years without any sexual contact.
Sometimes I jerk off every day, sometimes I go for days or weeks without (either deliberately [I have a bit of a chastity/cum control fetish] or out of lack of interest). At the moment I'm sort of struggling to get properly turned on.
I'm an active 18 years old and I don't think I'm testosterone deficient. Should I be concerned, or will my sex drive properly expand now that I'm having sex?


I know i've got a lot to learn, and things wont happen over night. I want to have a healthy sex life in future, and I expect like my fitness it's gonna take work.
I'd be grateful for any advice people can give me.

 

[Chase2510]

What, no one has any advice?

 

[StlKj]

While I can't offer advice on all of your questions, you can try a few things. First off, yes, your jerking-off habits could be factoring in here. Vary your technique with yourself--go slower, use lube, don't use lube, use your other hand, focus not on jerking off to cum, but instead give attention to the rest of your body while edging yourself (build up, back off, build up, back off). Sometimes men get so used to their own technique that it hinders them when they are with a partner. Also, if you know sex is coming, don't jerk off that day or for a few days leading up to it. Increase your foreplay with him as well--focus on other erogenous zones.

As far as your bottoming concern, yes, you can get various size butt plugs that start out smaller and work their way up in size, or you could just get a vibrator/Dildo that is a comfortable size and practice working with that.

For some people, once they begin having sex, their sex drive kicks in and they want it more often. For others, they never develop a strong need to have it frequently. Here's a question--are you on any medications that might lower your sex drive, and possibly your ability to perform? Had you both been drinking or doing any other kind of drugs that might have had an effect? Just a thought.

Slow down your jerking off routines and see if that helps. The goal should be to enjoy the sensations, not rush to cum.

 

[Chase2510]

Cheers for the advice.
I'm not currently on any meds, I've never used recreational drugs, and I've only recently started consuming alcohol, and then, only on very rare occasion. (I've consumed fewer than 10 units ever). Having just finished college, I consider myself stress-free, so I don't think it's that. I just feel like I'm less horny than I used to be, and less horny than my classmates are/were.

We've decided I wont cum again until I see him in 2 weeks. Mostly for the reassurance that I can still get properly horny. I honestly feel a bit pathetic having this problem. Low sex drive always seemed to be a girl-thing.

 

[StlKj]

Don't judge yourself for it; that might only have the effect of creating anxiety for you. Have you been anxious, stressed or depressed recently?

 

[Chase2510]

Im less stressed and anxious than I have been for years. Im putting myself through a fairly intensive fitness regime (mostly by daily mountainbiking) but that de-stresses me.

 

[palemale]

When bottoming, be sure to relax and breath. Once you get a rhythm going, have him jerk you off. I topped a guy once and did that and he came like a motherfucker. Said he never had an orgasm with a cock up his ass before.

 

[KaraBulut]

A lot of the answers to your questions are in the sticky section of this forum. It's a set of very commonly asked questions.

In a recent and very similar thread, I commented that there are very few things in life where you succeed the first time. The first time you swim isn't going to tell your whether you're going to be swimming in the Olympics some day... but it's fair to say that you'll never get to the Olympics if you don't jump in the pool at some point.

Everyone expects their first sexual experience to be the Olympic quality. While there may be some first times that have a lot of sentimental value if you do it with the right person, the truth is that most of the time the sex is just mediocre, at best or disasterously bad, at worse.

Give yourself time. Pick patient sexual partners who are willing to explore with you. Read the stickies. And always be safe.