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After four months he tells me he is bisexual

Binary2048

Binary2048

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I've been seeing this guy for the past four months and it has had it's ups and downs - but generally it's been great. Recently he revealed to me that he's actually bisexual and to him it wasn't a big deal. But I was really shocked by it because he had never told me about having any relationships with women before.

I don't think it would have made a difference if he had told me upfront but now four months down the line and with real feelings for him, I can't help but feel a bit deceived. And if it wasn't such a big deal to him then why didn't he say anything about it earlier?

I really hate finding out a guy is bisexual so far down the line and I hate the fact that this is bothering me so much. This is only like the second time it's happened to me... in a row.

](*,)](*,)

B.
 
I assumed he was gay (or he told me he was) and all the relationships he told me about were gay relationships.

I don't doubt his faithfulness to me. So it's not a case of worrying about him cheating on me with a woman.

For me, the issue is that he has been very selective about what he's told me - so I can't help but wonder if there are other things that he's been keeping from me.

He's had a very colorful past and I have had many surprising things to deal with in our relationship - now I wonder, what else could there be? And if I didn't know something as basic as his sexuality then do I really know him?

B.
 
In the long scheme of things, 4 months is not very long. You're going to find out more and more about him as time goes by--some pleasant surprises, and some not so pleasant. It could be that he discloses himself gradually, as he comes to trust people.

It's a curious revelation, but whether it means anything or not only time will tell. You could probe with him what that means, and how he feels about it, but you walk a fine line between being "interested" and being annoying. I would not attempt it while you're reeling.

There are a lot worse things he could have disclosed!
 
He also maybe was not ready to tell you yet. Fearing you would not want him. And now he is more relaxed and want to tell you more about.

I dont think he lied about it, he just did not tell you all he's done. Just like you have not told him all you have done. So it is not that you discovered a lie, you just found out more about him. And you may have feelings of not wanting to share him.

You wanted one thing and he wants both. You will have to make a decison if you want to continue this as friends or stay with him and deal with the bi side of him. That can be hard on you.

So a good talk betwen you two is in order and get it all out on the table now so no more surprises come up..
 
I think you need to do the following:
1. Determine what kind of relationship you want to have with him
2. Ask him if he is on the same page with your feelings and intentions
3. Determine from the above if he's good for you.
4. Proceed accordingly.

If he did not disclosed his bisexuality with you for four months, maybe he was afraid of what you'd do if he did, or maybe he does not think his relationship with you is really that important, or is not on the same page as you are. In either case, this tells you something about his character, doesn't it? Set your parameters, and look after your emotional well-being.
 
4 months isn't that far downt he line hun


imagine the women after 20-30 years of marriage when the husbands tell them they are bi

anyway I fail to see an issue here... he is the same guy he was before... you just found out something new about him...

something that shouldn't matter... at all... because regardless of the fact he is bi he is dating you and no one else and so his sexual orientation shouldn't matter which btw is good reason why he never had to tell you earlier.. why would it matter
 
Thanks for all the comments. I think I just needed some views to put things into perspective. I will talk it out with him. And maybe kick his ass.

I am not sure if he didn't tell me because he was scared to or because he didn't think it mattered.

He said he felt like he had told Hitler he was Jewish. I thought that was funny and then realized that he had compared me to Hitler. I will have to withhold sex for a while.
 
Binary2048 said:
He said he felt like he had told Hitler he was Jewish. I thought that was funny and then realized that he had compared me to Hitler. I will have to withhold sex for a while.
Click to expand...

Well, at least he didn't compare you to Eva Braun.

evabraun.jpg
 
I've been with my bisexual boyfriend for over 2 and a half years now. we recently moved in together and its been difficult but great.

As many people have said, 4 months isn't very long. I have found out so much about my boyfriend just recently when I began living with him. Some has been pleasant. some not so much. For instance, he recently revealed that he REALLY didn't like my fag hag. It upset me for the same reasons you're upset. I kept wondering, what else is he hiding. But ultimately we worked through it, and I am truly grateful he is still confiding in me new aspects of himself. My advice: learning about someone is a part of a new relationship. Let it grow before you take something is small as someone's sexuality destroy it. How can we expect acceptance of OUR sexuality when we don't accept OTHER'S?
 
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