Almost 22 and still a virgin :(

[youdontknowme]

I want to wait and have sex for the first time when I'm in a meaningful relationship with someone who actually cares about me. But this is proving to be difficult for someone whose not out and has absolutely no clue where to snag a boyfriend outside of sleazy hookup sites. I'll be 22 in march and am starting to feel inscure and embarrassed about my status as a virgin (I've never even kissed someone before!) I'm afraid that when/if I do find a nice guy to be with he'll think somethings wrong with me for waiting or think I'm lying. Masturbation isn't cutting it anymore and I've been experiencing a lot of sexual frustration and have often thought about just giving it up to some guy so I can finally experience sex.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi youdontknowme,

Good you have made this posting and please realize yourself that there are as well loads and loads of straight guys of around your age who are also still a virgin.

You told us that you are not out and I tend to think that such a situation will make it more difficult for you to find a nice guy. Would you mind to tell us abit more about ideas to open the door of your closet? Have you realized yourself that its difficult / tough for serious gays guys to find you when you are hiding for the rest of the world that you are a gay guy who is single?

 

[KaraBulut]

I want to wait and have sex for the first time when I'm in a meaningful relationship with someone who actually cares about me...I've ...have often thought about just giving it up to some guy so I can finally experience sex.

There's a happy medium between waiting for "the one" and just giving it away to anyone to get it over with.

Most guys will tell you that when they met what they thought was the "the one", they were sure it was forever...but it wasn't.

There a lot to making relationships work and very few people get it right the first time. Dating is a learning experience- learning about compromise, learning about picking your battles, learning that there's a lot of ups and downs in relationships and yes, learning to be a good lover.

Instead of just setting out to get it over with, you can go out and meet guys, go on dates, make out, experiment and just let nature take its course... you know- kinda like your straight peers in high school did.

 

[Seasoned]

Be honest with yourself. I believe the whole notion of waiting came out of the pre-reliable hetero contraception era, where it was disastrous if a girl/woman became pregnant outside of marriage. As I look back on my life I realize that my "standards" were sometimes defense mechanisms and I was actually hiding my fear. While you are entitled to wait if that's what you want, you are also entitled to a healthy and robust sex life whether in a relationship or not. It's your body. It's your life. You get to set your standards.

Waiting for the sake of waiting is not a virtue in my mind. Learn where that's coming from. Is it authentic to you or is it an add on because that's how you think you're suppose to behave?

 

[tarallucci]

It's the eternal dilemma of who's trying to find the right person, so don't be too sad about it as you will probably face the same problem even after not being a virgin anymore.

I've also heard of gay people being virgin until a fairly old age.
I had my first experience at the age of 21, and it happened just because I was feeling like you.
I was seeing my straight friends having girls since they were 15 and it wasn't good to me because I was comparing my life with theirs. I felt like I had to do something, so I did.

After that, I realized that it was stupid of me, because while I had sex for the first time, I had to agree to some compromises. I didn't like him and I cheated myself so I could say that I had sex. In a way, it served to understand a few things, which is why I also encourage you to keep searching instead of just waiting or giving up but it's not quite the same thing as having someone who loves you, obviously.

Don't lose sight of who you are and what you want.

 

[TX-Beau]

Be honest with yourself. I believe the whole notion of waiting came out of the pre-reliable hetero contraception era, where it was disastrous if a girl/woman became pregnant outside of marriage.

The cult of virginity (female anyway) goes back to the Feudal France, where the uterus was a salable commodity and secure primogeniture of paramount importance, don't want all the swag to go to Mommy's bastard! If you look at the poetry of the time, huge amounts of rainbows and moonbeams are tossed at virgin girls waiting for their prince, all chaste and noble, and finding wuv, twoo wuv, with the guy Daddy sold them to, or who stole them from Daddy. It's not something we think about now, but bastardy was a legal condition back then.

In any event, much of what we consider immutable conditions and norms surrounding courtship and sex are entirely contrived cultural baggage whose origins usually unromantic in the extreme.

...and Dad told me taking French Literature was useless...

To the OP, virginity is only as important as you make it, and what's wrong with "sleazy?"

 

[varnio]

I think this is a very common issue in this stage of life. I'm in a very similar situation.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Saving yourself for an unknown person will drive you crazy. You don't have to hook-up with just anyone, but friendships and first boyfriends is a good place to start. There are a lot of guys out there who would be willing to show you the ropes and be patient. You just need to find the right one. No future husband is going to mind if you gave up your virginity long ago.

 

[checkinthingsout]

There's a happy medium between waiting for "the one" and just giving it away to anyone to get it over with.

Most guys will tell you that when they met what they thought was the "the one", they were sure it was forever...but it wasn't.

There a lot to making relationships work and very few people get it right the first time. Dating is a learning experience- learning about compromise, learning about picking your battles, learning that there's a lot of ups and downs in relationships and yes, learning to be a good lover.

Instead of just setting out to get it over with, you can go out and meet guys, go on dates, make out, experiment and just let nature take its course... you know- kinda like your straight peers in high school did.

Like KaraBulut said, Find a happy medium between your two extremes. Find someone who you enjoy being around and stop trying to qualify them for marriage material.

Take your sexuality off of that pedestal and enjoy it!

Also, Like Seasoned said, I think you are scared too, because from your post you clearly want to have sex. As a 22 year old there shouldn't be too much stopping you. You should examine this irrational fear as well.

 

[christoforomarz]

Hi youdontknowme
If this is of any help to you, I am 26 and haven't ever kissed a guy! I know the situation is different because I live in the Arab world where I can simply be stoned for doing so, but cheer up dude keep in mind that some people don't even get the chance to hook up
I am not trying to make your problem sound like it's not important or anything just trying to comfort you

 

[andrewmo]

When you do finally take the plunge, stay guarded. I think we're all guilty of thinking that the first one we finally hook up with is "the one" but sadly that is not how it typically turns out.

 

[xboxfan34]

I want to wait and have sex for the first time when I'm in a meaningful relationship with someone who actually cares about me. But this is proving to be difficult for someone whose not out and has absolutely no clue where to snag a boyfriend outside of sleazy hookup sites. I'll be 22 in march and am starting to feel inscure and embarrassed about my status as a virgin (I've never even kissed someone before!) I'm afraid that when/if I do find a nice guy to be with he'll think somethings wrong with me for waiting or think I'm lying. Masturbation isn't cutting it anymore and I've been experiencing a lot of sexual frustration and have often thought about just giving it up to some guy so I can finally experience sex.

Are you my twin? Because, holy shit, this is EXACTLY how I feel right now. And I'm only 20.

 

[ant811]

I'm 24, and I've had nothing except for receiving oral from a random guy on Grindr once. It wasn't a great experience, so if you're not into random hookups then I wouldn't recommend it. I'm not giving up, but I definitely understand where you're coming from.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Virginity is special, but it isn't sacred. You can certainly have a meaningful experience without the wedding dress.

Dating and relationships are trial and error until you find the guy whom you mesh with enough to live "happily ever after"... they don't ride up on a white horse like Disney princess movies. As long as you're careful and use protection the world won't end if a handful of people have seen/touched your penis.

 

[IamNoah]

There's nothing wrong with waiting until you're fifty if it's not causing you distress. If it is causing you distress then find someone and get it done.

 

[Narvin]

Masturbation isn't cutting it anymore and I've been experiencing a lot of sexual frustration and have often thought about just giving it up to some guy so I can finally experience sex.

I'm 22, still a virgin, and never had my first kiss either. I'm also waiting for the one. My advice would be to keep waiting. When Mr. Right finally comes I bet you'll be glad you did. Don't let hormones get the best of you.

 

[truszgold]

One, Any man who finds you and can get you is truly blessed. OK, you are LAZY. You are making absolutely no efforts whatsoever to meet gay guys if you are a guy. Are you afraid to go to the gay bars , and that is a nightmare there with all the addiction and sluts. I met my husband at work hired him cause I knew he was the one. I was 31 we have 25 years. You are noticing this at the exact riigh time. You neeed to develop relationship skills. Joi some gay groups on the downlow and focus on meeetng just 1 new person a month that you could cultivate a friendship.

 

[KölnElch]

I am nearly 40 and never had any sexual experiences.
Yes, I kissed, but nothing else happened so far, so your 22 is nothing compared to that. There was just never a mutual interest with guys I met, and I don't want to force it just to have it checked off my to-do list.

I will probably never get a boyfriend, because who really wants to be with a 40 year old virgin? But that's my life, not yours.. just be assured that your case is nothing to get worried about.