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Am I a Homewrecker???

T

tpeezy101

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There's this guy that goes to my university. Fall 07 he made it clear to me that he had an attraction to me. I never thought about anything with him becuase I never thought he'd like me. I used to be HUGE....I've recently lost alot of weight. So it's still odd for me to be comfortable around people. Me and this guy started talking.....and something happened(a few people found out) and he cut me off.

I then started getting involved with this other guy...who became my first(lets call him Devin). As soon as I started talking to Devin the first guy....(lets call him Anthony) started making his way back in. Things started getting crazy and I had to make a decision between the two. I wanted Anthony because I felt like we had unfinished business, but Devin made it very clear that he wanted to move forward with me and that he liked me a lot. He even read some texts that anthony sent me and it made him mad and it hurt him. After that I decided just to go with Devin.

Couple months later.....Devin admits to me he cheated on me with a coworker. FEMALE coworker. I let him go.

Now just recently Anthony has found someone that he says he's "trying to make it work with." I respect that, and am happy for him. But I also told him, I still wanted him.....that before he graduates we should take another try at it. He was like "you know I have a BF" I was like "yea I know...and if nothing comes of it thats fine but I just thought i'd put it out there" He said "well as I've told you before I've always been attracted to you and I still want to freak your body" LOL. He told me that I felt relieved. I'm so not good with rejection, and I totally put my feelings on the table.

I just feel guitly. Do you think it was wrong of me to deliberately tell him this knowing he's just in a relationship with someone? Ever since the start I've had a weird attraction to him. I always hear stuff about him, not good stuff, but I still can't NOT be attracted to him. I really just want to get it out of my system? Does that make me a "homewrecker?"

And the only reason I brought up how I feel is because everytime we have a private conversation he brings up the situation where I had to choose between him and my ex Devin. He always says "I was supposed to be your first" I guess he's just a very flirtacious guy...but still, if you have a BF you shouldn't be saying stuff like that anyway.

Anyway, what do you guys think?
 
the way i see it, you told him that your still interested in him, but he has a mind of his own, so it's all up to him to be with he person he is with now, or be with u. Unless you somehow trick, rape, or blackmail him
 
You've offered yourself to him. If he chooses to take you up on that offer, his current status - dating, partnered, married - is of absolutely no concern of yours unless you want it to be.

Lex
 
sibersan said:
the way i see it, you told him that your still interested in him, but he has a mind of his own, so it's all up to him to be with he person he is with now, or be with u. Unless you somehow trick, rape, or blackmail him
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LOL, no I have nothing to blackmail him with, not that I would, and I definately dont plan on tricking or raping him lol. He's not all that lol.
 
I think just telling him what you are thinking doesn't constitute being a homewrecker. If you started doing something with him while he's with his bf, that's a different story...
 
tpeezy101 said:
Me and this guy started talking.....and something happened(a few people found out) and he cut me off.

I then started getting involved with this other guy... Devin...Couple months later.....Devin admits to me he cheated on me with a coworker. FEMALE coworker. I let him go.

Now just recently Anthony has found someone that he says he's "trying to make it work with." ...before he graduates we should take another try at it... He always says "I was supposed to be your first"

Does that make me a "homewrecker?"
Click to expand...

Homewrecker, no.

Second string, only if you are willing to settle for being the "other guy".

Let's turn this around- you broke up with someone because they cheated on you. So, you're now considering taking the role of the "cheater" instead of the "cheated on"?

You can do better than this. You deserve better than this.

Devin and Anthony are losers. Go find a grown-up who has the same values that you do and who will make you their "first".
 
This is crazy.

He wanted you to cheat on or dump Devin. And now you want Anthony to cheat on or dump his bf.

The both of you are a trainwreck.
 
Lube said:
This is crazy.

He wanted you to cheat on or dump Devin. And now you want Anthony to cheat on or dump his bf.

The both of you are a trainwreck.
Click to expand...


Amen. I thank god every day I'm not 18, 19, 20 anymore. Too much drama.
 
Lube said:
This is crazy.

He wanted you to cheat on or dump Devin. And now you want Anthony to cheat on or dump his bf.

The both of you are a trainwreck.
Click to expand...

LOL, it's not as bad as you make it sound. It wasn't even like that. At the beginning he didn't know anything about Devin. And no I don't want him to cheat on his BF....he's always very flirtacious when talking to me so that just kinda came up. I dont' want him to cheat, I'll live if we don't do anything.
 
I dunno about homewrecker, but as I re-read your original post, I think you two are even more of a trainwreck. Sorry.
 
LOL, it's not as bad as you make it sound.
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LOL. Yes it is.

You lost he lost Devin lost and just make sure that Anthony's boyfriend doesn't lose because of you. Life is complex, isn't it?
 
Sorry, I'm going to disagree on this one.

All you've done is made your feelings known to Anthony. It's up to him now whether or not he wants to respond to that information. If he does, it's not your obligation to verify that he's made a break with his boyfriend. Yeah, it'd be ideal if he wasn't currently attached to anybody, because then you wouldn't have to bother with being "the other one". But you know where you stand, and you probably know where he stands. You're not his moral guardian.

Lex
 
No offense meant here, but OP sounds as messed up as Anthony and Devin. And in that case, where's the harm?

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
No offense meant here, but OP sounds as messed up as Anthony and Devin. And in that case, where's the harm?

Lex
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Because if you want to escape with your self-esteem, you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve. These fucked-up relationships have a way at chipping away at a person's self-worth.

Being the "guy on the side" or a piece of ass for curious/confused straight boys is settling for less. All of us deserve better, including OP.
 
>>>Because if you want to escape with your self-esteem, you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve. These fucked-up relationships have a way at chipping away at a person's self-worth.

I don't see "relationship" really entering into this at all. Would you refer to somebody you were looking to get into a relationship with "unfinished business", as OP did? To me, that meant he was looking for one session of all-out hot bunny sex. Maybe I misread that, though.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
I don't see "relationship" really entering into this at all. Would you refer to somebody you were looking to get into a relationship with "unfinished business", as OP did? To me, that meant he was looking for one session of all-out hot bunny sex. Maybe I misread that, though.
Click to expand...

It is confusing, but the part of the post that makes one think otherwise is this:

tpeezy101 said:
Ever since the start I've had a weird attraction to him. I always hear stuff about him, not good stuff, but I still can't NOT be attracted to him. I really just want to get it out of my system?
Click to expand...

I'm sure that there are those for whom a night of hot-sweaty-butt-sex will bring closure.

For the rest of us, it's like a bag of M&Ms- can't have just one. :badgrin:
 
^LOL.

I don't think I'm messed up. Like I said, I try to have civil normal conversations with him but he always seems to make it flirtacious. When I made it official with Devin I told him about it, I gave him up and that was that. HE is the one with the BF and still saying sexually explicit stuff to me, so i just decided to say how I feel. It's not like I go hounding him to lets have sex or vice versa.

However, I do know I deserve better. Devin is officially out of my life...he's moved to another state and in with another guy. Anthony is not a regular in my life either, so it's not like I see him and am lusting for him everytime he comes into my presence because that is NOT the case. But he's like the first guy to ever give me attention but nothing ever came of it. I don't think it's wrong of me to be attracted still. And I'm not asking him to leave or cheat on his boyfriend....i was just being honest, like he is EVERY time we speak.
 
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