Am I Bad In Bed??

[LittleDove]

We had our second date and he invited me back to his place to watch tv and drink wine.

How much wine? For some people, it can loosen the skids, but it can also impede reaching the end of the trail, so to speak. If there are any medications involved, that effect may be magnified.

 

[KaraBulut]

... But I'm insecure because I've been emotionally and physically abused all my life: first by my father and then by my ex-husband. Of course I'm insecure.

There's a difference between understanding where a behavior comes from (e.g. your father) and owning your behavior. You're not insecure because of your father or your ex-husband; you're insecure because you haven't developed coping mechanisms to deal with abuse from others. The difference between a child and an adult is that, as an adult, you have the ability to say, "Enough. I deserve better."

But, that's exactly why you're working with a therapist, isn't it?

I am in therapy and i don't understand why some if you are so mean and bitter about someone going through very deep issues. What you see in 99% of your reply completely invalidates your "hope" for my success.

And you do exactly the same thing that you have done with the guys you've hooked up with - you cherry pick the little negative moments instead of focusing on the far bigger positive ones, and blow them out of proportion.

^QFT

There is a pattern of self-victimization in the way that you've responded to the counsel in this thread. We often say, "Nobody is saying that you have to take our advice, but you should at least listen".

When you understand that this pattern of making yourself the victim is part of the maladaptive coping pattern, you may be able to put an end not only to the perception that you're at fault but you may also find yourself more able to be assertive in your life and relationships.

 

[steve3339]

Tarallucci and Kara Bulut, it wasn't a hookup. We had our second date and he invited me back to his place to watch tv and drink wine. To me that usually means we're going to chill but at some point in the evening we will have sex.

I don't do hookups/ NSA either. I like to get to know people at least a little bit before we have sex and I'd like to keep seeing them afterwards. I don't like to just throw people away unless their toxic. I actually believe that most people are inherently good, which is what probably gets me in trouble most of the time, but I'll keep believing it.

I still don't understand why you would invite someone over to your place, go through an hour (or two?) of foreplay, start having sex....and then not get off. That's like cooking a meal and not actually eating it...idk, as some of you said I don't know what's going on in his head. He seemed interested me on the first date, during dinner on this second date and all throughout being at his place.

Anyways, I'll try and give up thinking about this.

It sounds as if you might be trying a bit too much?

Not been with that many guys but sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to cum.... would think you know by now what really turns you on with a bloke, just relax and try not to think to worry, hopefully it will resolve in time