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Am I Being Mean?

M

More_guy2004

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There is a guy that I've known now for close to four years. We weren't dating or anything. We were friends, but not close friends. I met him online in a chat room. We hooked up and it kinda grew from there. He had told me he wasn't looking for a relationship, just someone to hook up with for some occasional fun, in fact, that was the only times we saw each other. And at first he implied he wasn't really even looking for a friendship out of it; but that ended up happening to some degree anyway.

We saw each other probably once every couple of months. Sometimes more often than that. I didn't live alone so I would go to his house which was just over an hour or so away; like an hour and 10 mins maybe. He was nice, he was cute, and I knew he wasn't messing around with anyone other than me so I didn't mind the drive.

Then back in February, I moved to another town into my own place. The distance was about the same..maybe just a tad bit farther. So when I moved I told him I had my own place and that he could now come see me instead of me coming to his place all the time. When I told him that, I got the suprise of my life. He basically told me that I "was not worth the drive!!!" So, I told him I appreciated his honesty and if that was how he felt, that was fine. And I never bothered calling him or visiting him again after that.

Well things didn't work out with my move so I ended up having to move back to my hometown in August.

Well, not long after I returned, he leaves me a voice mail saying "you are probably going to hate me for calling, but I'm drunk and just had you on my mind and wanted to call." I never returned the call.

Well about 2 weeks ago, I was in a drive thru at a local restaurant, and he calls again. Reluctantly I took the call. I was reserved in the conversation. I wasn't rude but I wasn't overly friendly either. And I never even mentioned anything sexual. In the conversation, I told him I had moved back to my hometown.

Well now that he has found that out, he is calling more and more. I think I know what he wants, even though he has yet to mention it. I think he wants me to act like nothing ever happened and for me to come visit him for some fun just as we had in the past. Thankfully I've missed his last two calls.

But I am having a really hard problem getting over his remark that I wasn't worth the drive. As long as I was the one out the time and expenses for us to get together, that was fine and he was all for it. But when things changed and he could start making some of the trips, he said I wasn't worth the drive.

So I've basically ignored him and blown him off so to speak. Is that mean of me? Should I act like nothing ever happened and go back to making the trips to see him.....OR, should I just tell him "HE isn't worth the drive" and be done with it? Personally, I would have no problem being friends with him without the sex; but I know if I tell him "he isn't worth the drive" and / or that I'm not interested in hooking up with him anymore because of what he said, he won't want to be friends anymore.

So what do you guys think I should do?
 
Can't you block his number? Or just ignore the calls? Clearly you don't want anything to do with this guy, so it's not mean to just... have nothing to do with him.

I wouldn't say anything like "you're not worth the drive" but that's just me. I don't like being as bitchy as the bitches who annoy me.
 
He sounds like a real asshole. Do what u have to do to get him out of your life.
 
No, you are not being mean but you are being used. Leave this guy in the past and move on. You deserve better. Based on what you stated, he's no friend, except when it's convenient for him or he's "drunk" enough to remember you. You don't need people like that in your life, even if he was 2 blocks away. I would ignore his calls or simply state to him that you are no longer interested. Enough said. You owe him NO explanations. He'll get the message. Don't look back. He's not worth it.
 
I'd have to agree with everyone. It seems like he's only willing to put out if you're willing to make the trip out to him. If someone were to tell me "you're not worth the drive", that'd be it. It's basically saying that I'm dirt and I won't stand for that! Drop this guy and find someone who's more worth your time.
 
I'm just curious as to why he'd make a rude comment like that saying you weren't worth the drive because from what you described you two had a friendship to some degree. So why did he make such a resentful, mean comment? As if he felt betrayed that you were asking him to make the trip.

Anyway, I'd talk to him about this and ask why he said that to you. If he can come to terms about it and make it up to you some how. Maybe he was just having a shitty day that night and he didn't mean it.

But I agree with some of the other people. Sounds like he's using you for just sex and if you weren't going to have sex with him he'd probably not even associate himself with you. It's your choice what to do but don't let him treat you like that. Who the hell is he to talk to you like that?
 
It's unfair to say that this guy was using you. The two of you were using each other, as fuckbuddies often do.

arabbb said:
Anyway, I'd talk to him about this and ask why he said that to you. If he can come to terms about it and make it up to you some how. Maybe he was just having a shitty day that night and he didn't mean it.
Click to expand...

To get to the bottom of the issue, you need to remind him of what he said (he's probably forgotten it) and tell him that you were offended. If he offers an apology, then you can decide what you want to do. If he does not apologize or he says something rude, then tell him not to call you again.
 
fuck him. he sounds like a dick. the fact that you are even questioning whether or not you are being mean is enough for me to think that he would treat you like shit and you'd take it. forget him find a fuckbuddy who doesn't think he's better than you
 
If you're desperate and like to be used and abused, go forward. I personally would not spend A MINUTE on guys who don't respect me. I hate selfish bastards.
 
Thanks for the advice guys. I got another voice mail from him yesterday. He said he was just calling to see how things were going with me and also to tell me that if I did not want to hear from him anymore, that it was no big deal, to just let him know. So he opened the door for me to tell him that if that is what I decide to do...and probably will.

It's not that I don't like the guy; its just the fact that he was rude and disrespectful to me...and I'm having a hard time acting like that never happened. And if he did it once, I'm sure he would do it again. So I think its time I move on.

Thanks again guys!
 
Just be honest and tell him you were put off by his comment of you not being worth the drive. Don't say he's not worth the drive but let him know you were offended and hurt by that comment but it made you realize he didn't really care for you so you don't really care to be his friend.
 
He's not interested in making friends with you...

Just forget about him and get on with your life.
 
I would take his next call and listen to him, then politely respond with something like, "I'm sorry, but if I'm not worth the drive then I'm not worth the time. So why are you wasting yours on me?" This way he knows his words hurt you, and gives him a chance to explain (hey, maybe he was confused and thought you were moving farther away, or that You didn't want to waste Your time driving to see him and reacted out of fear. It possible). Depending on his explanation (and how honest you feel he's being with it), you can decide if HE is worth the time.
 
Willie Boy said:
I would take his next call and listen to him, then politely respond with something like, "I'm sorry, but if I'm not worth the drive then I'm not worth the time. So why are you wasting yours on me?" This way he knows his words hurt you, and gives him a chance to explain (hey, maybe he was confused and thought you were moving farther away, or that You didn't want to waste Your time driving to see him and reacted out of fear. It possible). Depending on his explanation (and how honest you feel he's being with it), you can decide if HE is worth the time.
Click to expand...

of all the answers i agree with this one the most ,the guy needs to be taught a lesson,but without lowing yourself to his level
 
I wonder how much it would help the OP to teach the guy a lesson.

I often find that the best way to "get back" at a person is to find happiness in your life and move on. If he wants to talk to you, fine. But he's the one that said that you're not worth his time so until he decides to take it back and apologize, you're not obligated to bring anything up.

It doesn't help to say back to him "you're not worth my time," just to be vindictive. However, if you make new friends and do things with them, then maybe you really will be too busy to deal with him.

In my humble opinion, it's always better to focus on bettering yourself than looking for the opportunity to drag someone down. It may get you a companion in misery, but you're not going to feel better in the long run.
 
He's a jerk....
But next time he calls you should answer the phone and explain to him what you wrote in your message. Let him explain himself the you figure out if his explanation is worth your spending more time with him.
He had the chance to visit you if he'd wanted to. Could be he didn't have the means to do so.
Be upfront with him and let him explain to you why he couldn't make the trip to you yet expect you to drive to meet him. You decide if what he says is believeable or not.
I figure you will decide he's not worth your time, but that's just my opinion.
Seems to me you are the type of guy that is worth knowing, seems to me you are the sort that makes an effort to be with someone. That is a great quality and not too many have it.
I figure that if you are the sort of guy I think you are then there will be many opportunites for you with other guys in your life.
best to you.... and let us know how this turns out, ok?

And no, you are not being mean.
 
Update: I haven't yet returned his last call, which was the voice mail I mentioned in my last post. And he hasn't called since. So maybe he got the point.
 
Wow, I just realized that I left everyone hanging here and never did let you guys know what happened in this situation.

As I said in a previous post, the last time he called he said that if I didn't want to hear from him anymore to just let him know, that it wasn't a big deal.

Well I waited about a week or so before I responded. And when I did, I borrowed the quote from 'Willie Boy' and said, "I'm sorry that I hadn't responded sooner. As for your comment about not wanting to hear from you anymore, it really doesn't matter to me either way. But I'm confused about something; 'if I'm not worth the drive then I'm not worth the time. So why are you wasting yours on me?"

I never heard from him again..LOL.
 
You did the right thing. You're not being mean. He was the mean one for saying such a hurtful thing to you.
 
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