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Am I being used?

jeffhardylover8472

jeffhardylover8472

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There’s a guy I’ve been hooking up with on and off for almost 10 years now. I hooked up with him regularly but then I ended up with someone else and I moved away from my hometown with the family when that relationship ended. I would see this guy each time I visited home.

A few years ago, we were talking and he mentioned the possibility of wanting me to be his bf. I moved back home and saw him a handful of times before he ended up with someone else.

His relationship lasted til last summer when he hit me up again and we’ve been seeing each other regularly since. He mentioned that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but if he were, it would be an open one. Perhaps he was just saying all that where he was just getting out of a relationship.

Just recently, he took me out for lunch and it felt different being with him in that manner, but in a good way. He mentioned he’s trying to get out a lot more and wants to do that with me, even saying he may wanna treat me to a movie soon. I wanna think that him and I are now dating, while at the same time, I wanna let this play out and see what happens, no matter how much I like him. What’s some advice you guys can give me on this??
 
First: welcome back. Long time, no see. :)

To answer your first question: "Am I being used?": it's rare in any relationship that someone isn't being used. It's the wrong way to view relationships.

The right question is, "Am I getting what I need and am I getting what I want out of this relationship?".

If I were to ask you, "Why are you working?", you would probably answer, "Because I'm doing something that I enjoy" or "I like the people that I work with". If you don't like your job and you don't like the people you work with, your answer might be, "Because they pay me" or "Because I have bills".

So, "Why are you considering a relationship with someone, when it hasn't worked out in the past?".

In your opening post, there's not an answer to that question.
 
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Sounds like to me your his spare tire if a relationship doesn't work out or things goes dry. He pulls you out his pocket.


You guys need to figure out what you want do you want an open relationship do you want to stay fuck buddies.
 
Will you get hurt if you see him with someone else after agreeing to be with him for a relationship ? If you think you can handle the situation , go ahead but if you think you're gonna end up broken hearted , better leave before getting hurt ... I think you should ask him to be blunt honest with you and express what he truly feels for you ...

If you're ok with having fun with a guy you like a lot with no strings attached .... have fun while it lasts but as I said if you feel you're gonna get broken hearted by his actions , better quit seeing him ... You need to figure it out
 
Don't assume, there is no relationship unless it's been explicitly stated. I have to agree that it didn't happen before, so what has changed?

I also agree that it's possible you're the spare - which doesn't have to be a bad thing if you're OK with that. It kind of sounds like you are.

I suspect that if something was going to develop you'd have felt that before now. However, there are all kinds of successful relationships, and so long as everyone is clear with everyone else, who's to say it won't work?

I agree with Kara, forget what he wants, what do YOU want, figure that out then ask him if he can provide that. I went through so many boys that weren't at all able to give me what I needed to stick around; I don't recommend that.
 
Don't give him that much power.

Instead of wondering what he wants and trying to figure it out take that energy and ask yourself what you want and getting clear on what you want in him or in any guy or relationship of any kind.,
 
He sounds pretty flakey to me, from what you've said he's unlikely to be boyfriend material, even if it was an open relationship.

If you enjoy spending time with him, sexual or otherwise, then do so by all means and have fun, but be realistic about what you're likely to get out of because it might lead to disappoint otherwise.
 
Been there, done that. Run far, run fast and save yourself the pain.
 
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