Am I crazy or is he cheating

[capchino2009]

My bf of 6 months is 18 and works at the local grocery store as a clerk. I lent him one of my cars because his broke down i then found some guys sun glasses on the passengers side door and when I asked him he told me that he had been giving the 48 year old guard a ride home after work. I didn't push the issue but stopped in an took a look at the guard who is grey haired and out of shape but gay as I am. Then when my boyfriend walked up to me there was an awkward moment and the guard walked up close to us and asked if there was a problem. I don't know but I felt something bad and my bf was instantly red faced and the car is an 08 BMW which was given to me by my grandfather and id hate to think of it used for whatever. I have mentioned that the whole thing made me uncomfortable and my boyfriend asked me if I ever knew what it was like to struggle in life as they have. I knew I was leaving town for a couple days so I avoided an argument but I remarked I would end it if there was anything going on. As we got ready to go out to dinner I noticed my bf kinda silently weeping.
so now im drunk in a casino hotel wondering if the guy I left my car with hasn't called me all night is cheating. Im already pretty much considering ending it with him.
im 32 and non-confrontational

 

[NineOfClubs]

"im 32 and non-confrontational"

It's time to be 32 and confrontational.

Just demand some answers. Maybe things are fine. Maybe they aren't.

If not, let's hope you get that fine car back, and as far as the "BF" goes, that may or may not be much of a loss.....

 

[capchino2009]

I would never end it over the phone and being the kid lives with his mother we would be at my house with my car. I haven't spoken with my bf but there is bad reception here and I got a quick voice male asking me to come back soon. his car is taking his car to get fixed tomorrow and probably needs a loan. I have a bad feeling and think I must ask him to limit contact with that guard.
that old guy can keep him if anything happened

 

[KaraBulut]

Thread is being moved to CO&R.

 

[capchino2009]

there has yet to be a heated discussion between he and I never noticed the guard until I found the glasses.
The guard followed me out with a stern look but I had purchased groceries so I wasn't only there to spy.
My boyfriend would shit if I gave another gay guy a ride home.
I've never considered cheating but im inclined to believe this relationship is over because he has done something.
The struggling comment has to do with me having deeper pockets than them two (as if im not in the club or they have something in common)

 

[capchino2009]

id still get his car fixed because he needs it but I could never feel good about him after that guy touched him
however I loved him

 

[KaraBulut]

Let's back up and recap for a moment:

• You are 32 and have a comfortable income.
• Your boyfriend is 18, lives at home and works in a grocery store.
• You loaned him your car.
• You found someone's sunglasses in the car afteward.
• Your boyfriend said the glasses belonged to the security guard

While this is important background information, the issue here is not the question of whether he is cheating. The issue is that you believe he is cheating.

This thing is like an onion- we can peel off the top layers but there are lots more layers underneath that have yet to be revealed.

There's just something that doesn't seem healthy about all of this- the age differences, the differences in socioeconomic status, the suspicions, the insecurities, the way that each of you has a way of controlling the other...

The solution here is to ask him flat out whether he's cheating on you. It doesn't matter whether it was the security guard or not. And regardless of whether the answer is "yes" or "no", the real determiner is whether you believe him or whether you will ever be able to trust him.

I betting that you won't be able to trust him and that's going to be the fatal flaw here.

 

[G-Lexington]

Despite your four posts, I swear I've heard a similar story from you before. The older, well-off gentleman and his young, hot, but now ungrateful boyfriend...

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I'm trying to figure out whether your bf cheating is bothering you or are you more concerned that he fucked someone in your BMW?

The fact that you even mention the type of car and the comment about him 'struggling' makes me think that you have a classic inferiority/superiority passive/aggressive relationship.

Honestly, if you make a point of being richer than he is all the time, not wonder he looks for the company of some rough trade security guard.

So take the car away.

find someone who is at the same intellectual and social level as you.

 

[sixthson]

Sometimes a ride home from work is just a ride home from work. Not only are you distrusting of him, you are incapable of honest, open communication with him--two things that doom the relationship, really.

Did he cheat? You don't know and you are not likely to find out if you can't talk to him calmly and maturely.

 

[capchino2009]

I guess there are some critics here but I only have suspected because him because the guard acted strange. I work a regular job and happen to be on a short vacation and may be overreacting a bit here. While the bmw is not my favorite car I hated leaving it with him.
I know these two have worked together for a year or so and I consider the fact something had already happened before he and I met. It is more than likely getting to me because I almost feel like a deceived parent and I recently put other things together (like where his car broke down and why he had me believing that this friend of his was just another kid who plays video games with him.
I just need a day before I get home and figure this out.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>The fact that you even mention the type of car and the comment about him 'struggling' makes me think that you have a classic inferiority/superiority passive/aggressive relationship.

>>>While the bmw is not my favorite car I hated leaving it with him.

Not helping.

Lex

 

[youngnihilist]

He's 18.

When you date people that age certain things come with the territory.

No reason to get so upset and crazy over an 18 year old. A relationship with one that age should be seen casually anyway.

 

[rareboy]

>>>The fact that you even mention the type of car and the comment about him 'struggling' makes me think that you have a classic inferiority/superiority passive/aggressive relationship.

>>>While the bmw is not my favorite car I hated leaving it with him.

Not helping.

Lex

Hmmmmmmm....just reaffirms what I suspected all along.

Give me your bf's number. I'll tell him to run like hell.

You've got a lot more to figure out than a day will allow.

 

[KaraBulut]

Indeed, the answer to both of your questions is turning out to be "yes".

You've got issues that go far beyond your relationship with this "kid" (to use your term).

I guess there are some critics here

There are no critics in this forum. It's a no-flame zone.

What we do a lot of times is hold a mirror up in front of you and make you see things that you don't want to see. This is one of those times.

I'm not one who believes that age differences matter. Maturity differences do matter, however. I'm uncertain whether this young man is cheating on you but I do see that this is a very unhealthy relationship.

It's time that you did some soul-searching and self-examination about what is motivating you to be in his relationship and why you have so much insecurity about it.

 

[spencer]

Maybe he felt uncomfortable you were his sugar daddy checking up on him at work in your BMW and he got all red in the face.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

As far as I can tell there is no evidence of your bf cheating on you once so ever. you have read into a few events and have decided that they add up to him cheating. your bf was upfront with you and honest about the sun glasses and that he was giving someone a ride home. he might have been giving the guy a ride home even when his car was working. he could have said the glasses were his and avoided this but he told you the truth.

regarding the guard's actions towards you, may be the gaurd is a friend of his and see's you as some one who is too old for the kid and is feeling protective of him because he's gay. you don't even know if the security guard is gay, you are assuming he is as far as i can tell.

finally, you don't have the right to tell your bf to limit his contact with anyone!!! i find it amazing that you even typed that. if you don't like who he associates with and decided to break up with him that's one thing. that's your decision. but you do not have the right to tell him to "limit his contact" with the guard guy, that's outrageous.

sorry this sounds harsh, but it sounds like you need a reality check.

 

[spencer]

or maybe when the guard asked who's car it was during the ride home, he said his father's.

 

[capchino2009]

Sugar daddy? ouch! He has a job and he is going to school building his life with little help from me. the bimmer isn't the most expensive car on the road but it was a gift and has that value to me.
Anyway the guard is bi and lives in public housing so made the kid feel bad. I don't know what for sure is going on but im going to enjoy myself and remain positive for now. The guard supposedly doesn't need a ride anymore and my weekly grocery shopping won't include a spying session.
This may not last for long but im ride this out with a smile and see.

 

[capchino2009]

I mentioned it was a gift and a bimmer so anyone who owns a bimmer would drop that. Analytical low rent psychs can snip anyone looking up.
I know if you truly knew me you would realize how hard I work to be kind to others.
besides aren't we all dumb assess when we get jealous.