Am I crazy to just let this go (or not)?

[redips]

So I've been in a relationship with this guy for a few months. We both care about each other very much. I honestly think he is the sweetest guy I will ever ever meet. He cooks for me, writes me sweet little cards, gives me really sweet little presents. We enjoy cuddling all night and waking up in each others' arms. We're so similar in that way, and I'd never for the life of me think I'd meet someone so sweet, and so similar to me in those ways.

However, he needs way too much attention, to the point where the relationship is very stressful for me. Basically he cannot bear to spend a night alone. He needs company every night. While I enjoy spending time with him, there are times when I have to travel for work, or work late. We've already fought numerous (>20 at least) times about this. We'd always make up and say we'd see how things go, but time and time again, he would lash out at me about my work travel.

When my parents visited, I wanted to spend the night with them. It was actually the time when I came out to them. My mom was crying all night, and so obviously, I had to stay with her. He lashed out at me that time because I couldn't spend the night with him on one of the hardest days of my life.

And I don't even travel all that much. There were only 4 nights in the past 2 months (2 days travel, 2 days with parents) or so when I didn't spend the night with him. And my work travel is on the order of a week every few months.

I really don't think I, or my travel, is really all that unreasonable. Or is it?

We've already 'broken up' twice before. Both times was only for a few hours, and we'd make up after that. Today is the third time we're breaking up over this. I just don't know what to do.

The thing is, other than his need for attention, I really thought he'd be the love of my life.

I guess I'm just ranting. But if someone can just say I'm crazy for letting this love of my life go, or not, that would help so so much.

 

[megustamyn]

I can relate to what you’re going through. I had a boyfriend who was very similar to yours. After our first date, he sent me flowers with a note that said, “To my one and only from your one and only.” That should have been a warning to me. After we’d be seeing each other for 3 months he wanted to celebrate my birthday by depositing money in a join savings account to start saving towards a down payment on a house. (I asked him to buy me a sweater instead.) Things finally fell apart one weekend when my bishop was visiting and I had offered to serve as his host. My bf was incensed that I didn’t dump the bishop to spend time with him and he broke up with me.

It hurt deeply and I cried but I did not try to win him back. I knew he was in recovery and I felt that he had substituted me for his drinking. In other words, he was still an active addict but his addiction was now to a man. Many years have passed and I still think of him from time to time but I know it would not have been healthy to stay together.

You should probably let it go. I think your bf has some emotional issues to work out before he is ready to be in a relationship.

 

[Fiorino]

It sounds like your bf is very insecure, if this is so you have a tough problem. First, if you want to save this realtionship I think you shoud go to a counselor, together and seperately to see if it can be resolved, if nothing comes from this I see no future in this relationship for either of you, it is sad and I think he will be the bigger loser. Good luck.

 

[redips]

You should probably let it go. I think your bf has some emotional issues to work out before he is ready to be in a relationship.

That's one thought that I've always had. He does many things to show that he cares, and I think he does. But if he can't stand to be alone for a single night, I wonder whether he's doing all this because he just craves companionship that much. But then at the same time, he's had relationships before, and he's dumped people in the past for other reasons, so it's not like he enjoys just being with anyone.

He has told me before that he has issues with abandonment. He said he was neglected as a child by his mom, so he fears that I would leave him after I come back from my travels, or if I'm not with him.

The thing is, I always tried to convince myself that perhaps it's an issue of trust. I thought perhaps after spending enough time together, he'd gradually be okay with it. I was hanging onto this thread of hope, but increasingly I feel it's just gonna be very difficult.

Of course, I have my own concerns too. The fact that he craves companionship that much makes me worried that he might try to find companionship (and perhaps cheat on me) while I'm gone. Am I just being way too suspicious and unreasonable about this?

I have to say, I haven't had too many relationships myself (this is my second real one). So perhaps the fault is with me. I guess I just want to ask, is my boyfriend's need for attention really all that abnormal, or is it really quite common with guys? I understand that people want companionship (I myself do, very much), but not to that extent. But perhaps he's really not that out of the ordinary and it's something I should work out?

Sorry if my question seems trivial or trite. I really want to get my mind clear because I don't want to regret losing the love of my life if it's something worth saving.

 

[arc248]

Sounds like the dark shadows from his childhood will haunt him forever... you're deciding to dedicate your life to someone, entirely. If you're ready for that? Or perhaps you can take him to a counselor/psychiatrist and help him walk out from the shadow... so to speak?

 

[KaraBulut]

Your boyfriend doesn't like to share. He's selfish and needy. He sees your parents as competition. He sees your work at competition.

The answer is simple: either he gets into therapy and works on his insecurity and control issues or there is no future to your relationship.

You may love him. But love is not enough to maintain a dysfunctional relationsihp.

 

[redips]

Your boyfriend doesn't like to share. He's selfish and needy. He sees your parents as competition. He sees your work at competition.

Thank you. You put it quite well. This relationship has been very stressful for me. And I know it is better that it ends. I know that the reason I got back together with him the last two times was because both of us feared enduring the break-up. I don't know how I can handle the next few weeks/months. I know I'll miss him dearly. I just don't know what to do.

Life sucks.

 

[Bruski-101]

It has allready been said however if anythings brings too much stress then that is a major warning.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thank you. You put it quite well. This relationship has been very stressful for me. And I know it is better that it ends. I know that the reason I got back together with him the last two times was because both of us feared enduring the break-up. I don't know how I can handle the next few weeks/months. I know I'll miss him dearly. I just don't know what to do.

Life sucks.

You live and learn in relationships. You got a lot of things right on this one. But no one should be put in a place where they must chose between family, livelihood and a relationship.