Am I Forever Doomed?

[gsdx]

Your life has barely begun and it's far too early to consider it 'finished'. Don't judge everyone by the actions of the few. I suggest you meet in a neutral place for a few dates and get to know the person a little better before following him home. And don't forget. Tours of the home invariably end up in the bedroom.

 

[Ramindra]

If you run around busting people's noses, you will be doomed. You may even come across someone who will respond by beating the shit out of you. If your usual way of coping with unwanted attention is to hit and run, then I think you are in for a rough time in the journey through life. Maybe it is time for some anger management treatment and conflict resolution courses before you finish up behind bars.

 

[Jeimuzu]

Let's clear a few things up gentleman;

I did meet this gentlmen at a public place. The third time we met was at his place. And I am deffinately not going look into any type of anger management anything, because I dont have a problem. But If someone intends to force me to have sex with them, ESPECIALLY when I repeatedly said NO, you better believe I"M going to stop them. As far as Im concerned, it was self defense on my part.

Just thought we would clear that up.

I don't blame you, but I think you from now on should make it clear that no sex comes until you're happy with it. Y'know, before the whole going back to his apartment thing. Just say "I've had a couple of bad experiences, so I don't want sex until I think I'm ready for it with you."

 

[WYSIWYG]

Some men only want sex, with no attachments or relationships. Perhaps the few men you have met wanted that without RESPECTING YOU or YOUR WISHES!

As mentioned your young and you can not judge everyone by these 2 experiences that you had! Your man is out there for you, ready to love you the way you want, just you have not met him yet! Be patient mate, it will happen!

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm sorry your second guy was a louse.

That doesn't mean your third one will be. Although keep that right hook handy - you never know.

Lex

 

[gmoney]

I agree with Jacobim. Starting out in a neutral (public) place is always best and you do need to make it clear that you are not ready for sex if you choose a meeting at the date's home. I don't think 3 dates is enough to really know a person well enough to trust someone in their own home. Don't give up, though. The right guy is out there for you.

 

[Hudson402]

Hey, no means no, and you had to make that perfectly clear. No worries about finding the right guy. I see you're in Clifton Park; Im in the capital district too and trust me, there are a handful of creeps in the Albany area, but there are a lot of good, decent, respectful guys too. Give it time, you will find someone, or they will find you. Best wishes

 

[Shepherd 2]

Break his nose.
He had it coming. Force is not a loving act in sexual encounter.
You may need to try, try again.
You are only 18, and your relationship life is at its nascence.
Chalk this up to bad experience, but be on guard.
Two sexual predators.
Break another nose if you must.
Try again.
Shep+

 

[kevbo]

Bravo!

I'm a caring individual who loves people for who they are, but I'm in WI. So, nothing immediate out there

But in your lifetime? Perhaps we will meet up.

Good on you for sticking up for yourself. I pity those who let themselves get into abusive relationships.

 

[backpacker]

Good job on getting yourself out of a bad situation. Jacobim gives great advice to help reduce the chances of a repeat experience. I would advise you to spend more time in public places getting to know your future dates. The fact that it has happened to you twice means that you haven't developed the ability to quickly weed out the jerks yet. That will come with time, so for now just take things slower.

 

[Yooper]

I agree with Jacobim. Starting out in a neutral (public) place is always best and you do need to make it clear that you are not ready for sex if you choose a meeting at the date's home. I don't think 3 dates is enough to really know a person well enough to trust someone in their own home. Don't give up, though. The right guy is out there for you.

Gmo is right! However, it's been my experience when dinner at a date's home is involved there is usually something expected after dinner. Which is why, even at my age I make it very clear long before going to someone's house that I am in a LTR and I do not intend to pay for dinner. Or Lunch. Or Breakfast.

 

[cocktales]

D4E:

First of all, we at JUB welcome you to a great, great place where you can feel at home with people who do care about you...

Remember, do NOT be disappointed when you do NOT get the answer to your thread that you possibly were expecting, for you will get many different types of responses...........K?

Anyway, Sweetie, you're ONLY 18 and it's kinda scary that you've already had as many "crazzzzies" that you've had...

..........and NO does mean NO!

I agree that you should make it known that you want to take it slow and easy while dating, and if you BOTH have strong(er) feelings for each other, then and only then will you take your relationship to a higher plane!

Do NOT allow a few bad apples cloud your judgment of some wonderful people out there who are waiting to meet you!

Continued good hunting!

 

[tonysw]

Not forever doomed. I am very sorry for you that this happened. I agree that some people think that 18 year olds are so horny that they will accept anything from anybody at anytime. He was just so focused on his getting his rocks off that you didn't even figure in his consideration - no matter what you said he would not hear you.

You are not likely to meet the man of your dreams so young, so don't stress and put so much pressure on yourself to "find the one". Relax, make great friends who will stay with you for life. The rest will follow. Be careful and stay in public or at your place with others there.

Stay safe and relaxed, sweet boy, and be choosey, not desperate for your life's partner.

 

[tomind]

As many of responses have been saying - meet in a public place until you feel ready.

A while ago I had been dating as well and this one guy was going on and on as we talked online about sex and I was the one who told him well let's get to know each other before we have sex and he agreed. We went out for dinner and it was great and then agreed to meet again. The second time we had dinner we talked about hobbies, music, etc and I mentioned about how I liked to play pool and darts and he said he did too and he even made a comment about how we should play some time and so I offered that I had a pool table and asked if he would like to come over. At first he said yes and then we had dessert and we were planning on going to my place and then all of sudden he changed his mind and said no. I later found out that he thought all I was looking for was sex which was NOT the case if it was - we could have done it the night he wanted to - it is just amazing how it went so crazy.

There are many great guys out there and you need to be patient and it will happen

Wish you the best

 

[SilverRRCloud]

The guy, you got together must have gone through a certain number of similar experiences. He'd meet a young dude and both would agree on 'the meaningful relationship', the same taste in music and movies. Soon, the younger dude would start believing that he might have really found a mate.

After couple of dates in public, all decent, sweet, romantic and no sex, there comes the third, dinner date at his place. It is now a foregone conclusion that you have become 'friends' and that you want to test the sexual waters, so to say, in order to see, if you are compatible and if the further dating makes sense or if it is a sheer waste of time, energy and cash.

You had every right to say 'NO' and you certainly did well in protecting yourself and your integrity. Forcing anything is entirely unacceptable. Period.

Yet, being a gay guy, you want to learn some of the basic tenents of the prevailing gay culture. Agree with them or not, but learn them nonetheless.

Few guys will date for a very long time, if no sexual gratification is involved. They may rightly fear that something might be wrong with you and/or that you are asexual and that they are simply wasting their time. This did happen to yours truly here and trust me, I did learn the hard way about gay guys being great mates and being totally asexual, too. I wasted quite some time, energy and cash on someone, who was disingenious enough as not to spill out his beans. He wanted a friendship, while saying that he wanted a lover, too. He lied. I paid.

Very few people will invite you to their homes and cook you a dinner after couple of dates only to impress you with their haute cuisine. Obviously, you want to know this basic rule and either stick with meeting in the public or warn the guy very much ahead of time of your intentions to go home after the coffees.

Last but not least. A way into a relationship cannot be sped up. Yet, you also want to exhibit a level of emotional maturity here. You are willing a ready to wait till you start getting intimate with a guy. Fine. So, how long is it? Or are you going to let him know, once you feel comfortable enough, and he'll have to wait till then?

This may sound romantic and impractical. Think of the other dude, too. It takes two to tango and if you are the one, who is always saying, 'wait and no', that soon will be your own destiny, too.

SC