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Am I in a gay relationship

H

HartfordGuy

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No it doesn't make you a gay couple.

You are a couple of guys having fun gay sex.

I'd call you guys "Friends with benefits".
 
Fuck buddies, it sounds like. A gay relationship would entail wanting tog et to know each other better with the possibility of forging a romantic/loving bond. Just having sex and hanging out as buddies doesn't make you lovers.
 
I would agree somehwat.

But when I am in a serious relationship my ideal situation is spending time with my guy, watching sports, playing sports together, drinking together, and doing a lot of things I would do with friends. The only difference is you have to love them on an emotional level.

But dont get an idea because you are not sitting around and chatting about clothes and fashion that it makes it less of a gay relationship.
 
1914BU said:
We both want to continue our relationship, I'm just afraid of getting in too deep, deeper than both of us really want to at least right now.
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I just want to add that you should not be afraid of getting in too deep. Don't be afraid of the possibilities this relationship may bring. Who knows, you may even end up falling for the dude. It's not something you should be scared of or ashamed by.

Good luck (*8*)
 
Our relationship is different from any other guy friend I've ever had. I don't know if that is just because we had sex, or if there is an emotional component there. We've only gotten together the two times and really haven't done anything yet like go to a movie, sporting event or dinner - just haven't had time, but we are going to. But we've talked and neither of us want a "gay relationship". He's going through a divorse and that is kinda messy right now. If we are seen together in public we'll look just like two friends together, we won't be holding hands or kissing in public.
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First off, I dont like the idea of holding hands in public either. I'm not really high on showing my love and affection in public. Straight people do it, gay people do it, its not for me.

But when you both say you dont want a "gay relationship", that suggests to me that you guys are possibly both very inexperienced in this area. You have a wrong idea of how and what gay relationships are.


If he were to tell me he met a girl or wants to get back with his wife and doesn't want to have sex with me anymore - I think I could be fine with that. (I'd miss it and miss him) and I don't know if I could just be friends with him and hangout with him, and not want to have sex with him.

But if he were to tell me he met a guy and wants to start a relationship with him, I'd be crushed - I'd say well what about me. I don't want him to have sex with another guy. My other guy friends, I'm not sexually attracted to, but with this guy I am - and it's not just his looks, but the way he acts and the type of guy he is.
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That there does show that you are more then fuck buds. If you would be jealous if he did something with another guy, you are emotionally connected to him.

Having said all this though, it doesn't feel the same as it has with my past girlfriends - can't really describe the difference, but I guess the emotional closeness isn't there, but I think it might come.

We both want to continue our relationship, I'm just afraid of getting in too deep, deeper than both of us really want to at least right now.
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Well first of all, it seems both of you are in no situation to fall in love. He is going through a divorce and from what you said in the opening post, you dont have much experience. (or this is new anyways)

I think you guys are in "un-tapped" waters. I think both of you are calm, cool guys that approach life one step at a time and thats probably why you like each other. You dont feel pressured into stuff and what you do almost doesn't seem gay because you take your time..it seems more natural that way.

But what you said above, that you would be jealous if he was with another guy, tells me that there is potential there. If you open up more, if he steps away from you, starts looking at other guys, you will then realize how much you might actually love him. Its just that the situation you describe, him being with a women, never really threatned you. So you guys were fine with your arrangment as is.

I think you guys felt so comfortable and happy with what you had going that there was no reason to make it more complicated. But maybe that time is coming now as his life is changing and more emotion will get into it.
 
Well, it's all really about how you feel. Personally, I would not see him at all. I say this because you said you were hurt when he wanted to see females again and that you would try a gay relationship with him if he wanted, but he doesn't want that. It sounds like you are just on the road for being hurt. Possibly getting more invested than he is.

I feel like if he was interested in being friends that did not involve sex he would have made more time to spend with you in other capacities. Instead it sounds like he was only interested in you when you could do something for him. Almost like he was going through the "procedure" to get you in bed.

As for him still wanting to still meet up a couple of times until he meets someone, well I was offended for you. I read: "You'll do until something better and more normal comes along." Of course I've been accused of reading too much into things, but that is what it said to me.

The point is, you should evaluate how you feel about the situation; totally objective from labels. If you can handle a friendship without sex that's cool, but it sounds like he won't be willing. If you can handle meeting up with him while he sees other people, more power to you. Ultimately, it is how you feel.
 
First of all, stop referring to it as a "gay relationship." The more you do that, the more you set it apart from you, as something odd or dirty or "for them." A relationship is a relationship.

What you have is a fuck buddy. One who is apparently stringing you along by pretending to want to do other things with you, but never coming up with the time. And now he wants to date women again? Fine. Great. But you should not let him have his cake and eat you, too. ;)

While he's dating chicks, you shouldn't have sex with him--if for no other reason than the explanations that might have to be made after they've married ("Oh, yeah, I was fucking your husband for the first six months you dated. He's great in the sack, isn't he?"). Uncomfortable much?

But here's the most important thing. You need to focus on you: what you want, what you need, what you're willing to give and what you're willing to have given to you. I have a feeling that if you really think about this, you'll see that this guy isn't giving you what you want or need.

Then you can focus on finding the right relationship--with a man or with a woman.

Good luck!! ..|
 
1914BU said:
Not sure anyone cares, but I want to give a short update on this. Maybe someone else has gone through something similar.

Our relationship just sort of went along the same path as I decribed above. We met once a week to have sex (never did anal), as I mentioned we spent a lot of time usually 3 or 4 hours doing everything but anal. A lot of kissing and so forth.

But I wanted to spend more time with him doing things other than sex, but he "never had the time" The sex was great and I enjoyed every minute of it. We get along great and have fun talking and stuff before and after sex. But I wanted to get together with him more often, but he was OK with once a week.

But now he wants to start dating females again. I always expected him to want to go back to females, but I was surprised how him telling me that effected me - I was hurt. He's never given me any indication that he wanted a "gay relationship" and I really didn't either - at least not at first. The bottom line is this, if he wanted a gay relationship with me I sure would give it a try. But he doesn't.

So my question is this. I don't know if I still want to be just friends with him - no sex. Or he said that he'd still like to meet with me couple of times a month (until he gets serious with someone) to have sex with me.

I know what I should do - stop having sex with him - maybe try just being friends - if I can handle it and if I cannot, and I still want more, then I need to break off all contact with him.

Anyone have any thoughts on this situation. Anyone been through something similar.

Thanks for reading this
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I think you can tell that you honestly feel for him more than he does for you. You WOULD do a relationship with him, but he wouldn't do one with you.

He only wants to meet up with you for sex when he wants to get his rocks off with a guy. He's not interested in you emotionally.

So what is it that you want? Do you feel that you'd be disrespecting yourself for being his go-to guy? Do you feel that all you want is sex? Whichever you feel, the choice is yours.

To me, it looks like he's using you. He knows that what he wants is a woman. But he's unwilling to let you go because he knows he can have his cake and eat it too by stringing you along ("until it gets serious with some girl"). But even then, how long will his dedication to his heterosexual-only relationship last before he's calling you ont he phone to "hang out" and scratch that itch?
 
It's up to you whether or not you can profess your self worth and risk losing someone who didn't respect you at all. And if he doesn't leave, then you've still got a good friend.
 
I've been there, but it was as my marriage (to a woman) was ending. I decided I couldn't make the decision to leave my wife and be carrying on with anyone...it just wasn't right. So I told him I couldn't see him anymore, which I knew was not a problem for him. He liked me, but he really wasn't that in to me, and I knew it. He also was bisexual, dating women and going to gay bars. I was soooo attracted to him, but I knew that he wasn't attracted to me in the same way or amount, so I used morality-not screwing with someone while yopur ending it with someone else- too pull myself out. And it was the right thing to do. The morality of messing with someone while I was married didn't quite bother me so much, it seems, because I had never had done anything with a guy before, and finally sex felt "normal" and right.
In any case, I thought about him for a long. long time, measured every guy I met for a while to him (and who could measure up to the hot memeory? NO ONE), was sad that I couldn't have him, and eventually moved on. Hmmm. maybe if he was into me, I could haver moved smoothly into that relationahip and missed the good/bad of the last fifteen years, but bottom line, it wasn't goin g to happen, and I'm glad I didn't bother him because I wanted something he wasn't able to give. I'm not saying this is exactly your situation, but I would just want to tell you everyone deserves to be with someone who really wamts them, in my opinion, and I hope you find that person, rather it be this guy or someone else, because fuck buddies are fun, but a relationaship with the right someone can be awesome.

Hope I didn't go too long, and I really wish you good luck with this.
Take Care
 
I think you need to be cautious now. His desire to meet you occassionally for sex untill he finds a woman to date puts you firmly in an inferior position and should be a blow to your self-esteem. It says 'you'll do untill the real thing comes along'.

As a friend, and to help justify to him your decision to keep sex out if the relationship, you might ask him how he'll respond when his new girlfriend asks him who was his last lover. This may help him confront issues about honesty in relationships.

I don't think it's mandatory to pigeonhole yourself or to imagine that anyone's sexual experience or orientation is fixed: Life is not a census form of a scientific survey. The qualities necessary to make any intimate relationship viable remain the same, regardless of whether the object of your affection is male or female: honesty, respect, self-esteem, generosity, forgiveness.
 
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