Am I making bad choices??

[MrPerfectMan]

I've talked to a number of people about this and half seem to think it's romantic, and the other half creepy.

I met this guy online on a dating site where I've somehow only made good connections on. From experience on grindr and even bar hopping, I seem to come across only douches who want to get laid and then disappear. I however, am not looking for that anymore. Ideally, I'd like to find someone to eventually settle down with.

So I hit it off with this one guy who lives a few thousand miles away from me. We had a high match rating and indeed hit it off quickly. The reason the website matched us, is because I was considering making a move to his area, but haven't yet, but still may.

We have similar backgrounds and beliefs, and he seems to be a very genuine caring person. We've been chatting on a weekly basis or more since May. We haven't explicitly said we like each other, but it's obvious we would date in a heartbeat if we were closer, and we beat around the bush about dating a lot!

Well I've "known" him for 8 months and can say very little bad about him. I even almost made a move down a few months ago and it didn't go through, and he was supportive and didn't seem to mind to keep chatting. It's hard to summarize 8 months of chats, but lets just say it's been great!

I recently booked a flight to meet him, and other friends too, but I have to admit, I mainly want to meet him, and see how things go in person. I've connected with him more than any man before, online or otherwise. I had no qualms about it until about half of my friends started to think I was making a bad decision. Mainly because the guy barely has any pics on his Facebook, (he no longer has a profile on that dating site) and doesn't have a phone.

From my chats, he's a full time college student living with relatives, and seems to keep a minimal presence online. This never bother me before others brought it up. I've always seen him as one of those ppl that doesn't particularly enjoy getting on the internet and posting every detail of his life. He's also said over and over again he hates pictures of himself.

The phone thing was a tad odd, but being a full time student kind of explained that one to me. I did mention how he could get a lifeline phone for cheap if he's under a certain income (which he would be) and he said he was waiting to hear back on his application.

So, like i said, it's hard to summarize 8 months of conversations here, and I'm sure that makes what I'm doing seem even more rash. Feel free to ask questions if it helps, but do you think I'm making a good decision? I mean, I could definitely see this guy as potentially being "the one," if things go as well in person as they have online. I have two friends that moved away and got happily married to someone they met online as well. I feel a little like I'm just letting people's negative opinions get to me.

 

[mbamike]

You are getting ahead of yourself. Visit the guy in person and see how things go. Stop planning your life with this guy before you really get to know him.

 

[Craiger]

Mike is right on. In my opinion one of the unfavorable aspects of our modern technology and social media is the fact that we accept our "chatting" as reality. So much hyperbole is prevalent on the Internet with very little way of proving facts. Without the physical contact we tend to believe everything. There is a need to check the chemistry, both physical and mental, before planning any future. I do not say your friend is anything but honest, however, you sound as though you have already made up your mind that he is the one with whom you will spend the rest of your life. Also, before making a move I would hope you would have employment and living arrangements and possibly other friends to help you if the chemistry is not there. What ever your plans, I wish you luck and hope you will keep us up to date.

Craiger

 

[medic1]

So you have been chatting to an on-line persona for 8 months, he lives thousands of miles away, yet according to you he could be the one.
Just my 2 cents, but how about a reality check...?

 

[MrPerfectMan]

That's why I said could be. I don't feel like I'm planning my life around him, but if things were as good in real life, there could be potential, that's all.

 

[aaggii]

Just keep in mind that real life is different than what you see on the internet, so prepare for some bad stuff too. Hopefully nothing too big, I´m not trying to scare you Good luck!

 

[LuckysRevenge]

I'll be harsh because I don't want to beat around the bush.

You are living in a fantasy and this sounds like great potential for disappointment and even catfishing.

Plan to visit him and that.is.it. Do not fantasize about moving there and dating him. Don't plan to move if he's a major reason. You just need to visit and spend time with him in real life

Good luck

 

[palbert]

So you have been chatting to an on-line persona for 8 months, he lives thousands of miles away, yet according to you he could be the one.
Just my 2 cents, but how about a reality check...?

Agreed

 

[luckynumbah7]

Agreed

Agreed, and I've met several of my partners online,current and ex's. The internet interaction is not the totality of 'real life' - meeting someone from online once or twice in person isn't going to tell you much, let alone if they're marriage material. So perhaps meet him and see if you're likely to click in various ways but I wouldn't go inventing elaborate futures together in your head, among other things. That way lies depression and madness.

 

[MrPerfectMan]

Well I have friends who are an older gay couple there who were telling me the same things, and asking me to be careful. For example he knows my last name (not that I've told him actually, but he's seen my Facebook) and I asked him what his was, and he didn't exactly tell me... although I guess I might've sounded a little suspicious by asking, I dunno. Anyways, it's a little odd...

 

[Ganoderma]

hi MrPerfectMan,

There are loads and loads of honest people online and please realize yourself that honest guys don't need to hide their real identity and / or all kind of details about their daily life for each other. I somehow get the idea that you don't trust him and I tend to think that you should judge this - apparent?- lack of trust as a red flag.

Please realize yourself that honest people you meet online will incorporate you in their daily life when a friendship is developing between each other (same like honest people you meet face-to-face will incorporate you in their daily life when both of you become friends of each other).

So plan to meet him in real life, spend some time together with him in real life, and see how he is behaving in real life. So he might be an even better friend in real life, but don't take this for granted.

Take care and good luck and don't hesitate to ask additional questions.

 

[Seasoned]

I'd be suspicious that he is someone other than he claims to be unless you've skyped with him.

 

[MrPerfectMan]

Sooooooooooo there was no spark. lol

 

[HunterM]

Go visit him for your own suspicion so you can put this to bed...or put him to bed

 

[Craiger]

Sooooooooooo there was no spark. lol

Sorry it wasn't there for you, but use this experience as a lesson. Beware of the Internet and the words that are pronounced, they may be true or they may be false. Physical contact or at least through Skype will tell more than just chats. Best of luck in future searching.

Craiger

 

[topspin66]

And that's the difference between online and real life. Sorry it didn't work out but some good relationships can come from online introductions but that's just it...online is merely an introduction. You must meet in person and spend ample time together. No harm, no foul but at least you were open minded about your doubts.

Sooooooooooo there was no spark. lol