Am I Pathetic or Am I Just Oblivious

[bidude621]

Good Evening guys, it's almost 11 on the East coast here in the United States and I have been going through somethings. This is my second time posting on JUB after a couple of years reading stories and browsing forums. I am a bisexual male with a more preference for males. I have been using Craigslist for most of my encounters in the past and also use A4A. Recently, I placed an ad on CL and got a reply from the guy. He was very cute and seemed very interested. Unfortunately it was late and he lived far from me.
After this we texted back and forth with him asking me to come over to his home. Since I was at the end of my Spring Semester of my Junior Year of college it was hard for me to travel distances when I had to study. He understood this and we continued talking. I thought everything was going great. this was until this pass week. Thursday I get a text from him saying that he felt back for asking since we didnt know each other for long but that he needed money because he had to loan his sister money for some reason I do not remember.
I actually felt for him and went against my better judgement and the advice of my close friend and sent him $30 through Western Union. Since sending the money, I only heard from him once until today when he texted me that he needed help and that his sister passed away. For some reason my gut told me not to believe him. I know it is kinda harsh, but I dont know. I believe that someone has to be really cruel to lie about something like that but on the other hand I did not believe him.
So I sent him a message stating thank you for our conversations and that I wish him well and that I am sorry for his lost. My problem is that I feel empty and terrible that I will not be able to speak to him anymore. See I have never been in a relationship with either a woman or a man. I have had interests in many girls but all just want to be friends and the guys I want to have a relationship with either just want sex or they never respond to you. Is there a problem with me or am I just not that lucky when it comes to dating??

 

[LiberoK]

A4A and Craigslist are not good places to find potential significant others. It's possible to find them there, but the main purpose of those sites are for hookups.

If you'd like to keep your search online, OkCupid is a good alternative. It's much more tame than hookup sites and is much more relationship oriented. I heard plentyoffish is also good for finding relationships, but I've never been on that.

Try finding people in person too. Gay clubs and bars could be good, but I feel like a lot of people go there for the purpose of finding hookups as well. You can join gay associations like sports leagues or something along those lines and form relationships with substance and go from there. Maybe the college you go to has a LGBT group where you can start relationships with other LGBT college students.

Bottom line: If you're looking for a relationship, don't restrict yourself to a4a and craigslist.

 

[bidude621]

Thanks @LiberoK I really appreciate it. I just feel so stupid

 

[checkinthingsout]

Good Evening guys, it's almost 11 on the East coast here in the United States and I have been going through somethings. This is my second time posting on JUB after a couple of years reading stories and browsing forums. I am a bisexual male with a more preference for males. I have been using Craigslist for most of my encounters in the past and also use A4A. Recently, I placed an ad on CL and got a reply from the guy. He was very cute and seemed very interested. Unfortunately it was late and he lived far from me.
After this we texted back and forth with him asking me to come over to his home. Since I was at the end of my Spring Semester of my Junior Year of college it was hard for me to travel distances when I had to study. He understood this and we continued talking. I thought everything was going great. this was until this pass week. Thursday I get a text from him saying that he felt back for asking since we didnt know each other for long but that he needed money because he had to loan his sister money for some reason I do not remember.
I actually felt for him and went against my better judgement and the advice of my close friend and sent him $30 through Western Union. Since sending the money, I only heard from him once until today when he texted me that he needed help and that his sister passed away. For some reason my gut told me not to believe him. I know it is kinda harsh, but I dont know. I believe that someone has to be really cruel to lie about something like that but on the other hand I did not believe him.
So I sent him a message stating thank you for our conversations and that I wish him well and that I am sorry for his lost. My problem is that I feel empty and terrible that I will not be able to speak to him anymore. See I have never been in a relationship with either a woman or a man. I have had interests in many girls but all just want to be friends and the guys I want to have a relationship with either just want sex or they never respond to you. Is there a problem with me or am I just not that lucky when it comes to dating??

There is nothing wrong with you, although you do seem a little desperate. Have more common sense. If someone you have never met asks you for 30 bucks via western union, that should be an obvious red flag.

Nothing you have written would lead me to believe that this guy even likes you. It sounds like he is manipulating you for money. He has no right to ask you for money, no matter how dire his situation may be. Just stop and think about it: how are you the ONLY person he can ask money from in his entire network of people?

Focus on doing well in school and making friends in college. That is a prime environment to find like minded individuals you can actually meet with in person. For girls you have interests in, you may need to be a bit more aggressive. Instead of sending $30 to a stranger, use that money and ask a girl out on a date. If the date is going well, at the end, go for a kiss on the lips, and ask to see her again. Assuming you are an attractive man, if you are getting friend-zoned, it might be because you are being too timid. Timid, 9/10 times, will not make any woman attracted to you.

For guys, it is a little trickier if you are not out about being bi. Also, because of your age, many guys (gay or straight) just want sex anyways because college will be for many the first time they can explore and embrace sex. It is something you will have to navigate, and it is hard to do when neither is out, because then your actions are usually limited to things behind closed doors, and you can only watch so many movies or play so many video games until one of your 20-something dicks pops a hard on .

All that said, you will have the rest of your 20's for a mature relationship with someone you can trust. Why waste time, money, and energy on someone who is clearly a leech. Delete his number. Let us know how your date goes

 

[bidude621]

You seem really nice and thank you. Its just really hard, but you are right I just need to buckle down and move forward

 

[jensu846]

you got taken for $30 sorry to say. Never give money to online strangers. ever. I bet you will never hear from him again.

 

[bidude621]

Thank you for reminding me

 

[Seasoned]

I'm getting to this late, but just want you to know that i've given a name to your situation and others like it. God knows we all make mistakes. I call it, "tuition in the school of life," and, as far as tuition goes, if you've learned something, you got off cheap. Take care.

 

[bidude621]

Thank you for understanding. It means a lot.