Am I Shallow?

[DerKanzler]

There's this really nice, funny, interesting, etc, guy.... We get along very well. We have very similar sense of humor and interests. He seems to like me. We hung out one night, ended up kinda cuddling on his futon in his room. I kinda like him, but there is one thing about him that is holding me back.

He has really long hair... down past his ass. I don't find it attractive at all.

I would never ask him to cut it... I hate people trying to change me so I would never try to change someone else... (when i was still in the closet in high school, my girlfriend always complained about my shoes... but i would not get rid of them and resented her for making such a big deal about it.... i still wear the same shoes almost 5 years later, lol) But I feel that if I continue to hang out with this guy, something might develop between us. Which is why i cancelled a second date a few months ago and kinda stopped talking to him. I started chatting with him again recently.... because i realized how good i felt that nite with him. He wants to hang out again.

I feel so terribly shallow that the only thing holding me back from this guy is his hair >.<

Um... so yeah, I just kinda needed to tell someone this... and the internet is a great place to get things anonymously off your chest.



I mean... it would be awful for me to just say to him "hey i like you but i would find you so much more attractive if u just cut your hair shorter?"

Is there ever a time when it would be appropriate for someone to say something like that?

 

[momp57]

Pretty much.

 

[boy0boy]

I think honesty is sexy. The "I wonder what you would look like" way seems like a confusing fishing sort of comment.

Fishing for the response you want. Just say it. That seems really unusual being that I dont see that sort of thing everyday... its not like he doesn't know his hair is long. So just ask him why... well thats for me.. I'm curious. haha

how does he wear it?

 

[DerKanzler]

I think honesty is sexy. The "I wonder what you would look like" way seems like a confusing fishing sort of comment.

Fishing for the response you want. Just say it. That seems really unusual being that I dont see that sort of thing everyday... its not like he doesn't know his hair is long. So just ask him why... well thats for me.. I'm curious. haha

how does he wear it?

Exactly... its not like he jsut hasnt bothered to get a hair cut for awhile and he's getting shaggy... I love shaggy hair! It's past his ass so he obviously likes it that long.

He just wears it in a ponytail.

 

[DerKanzler]

just cut it off in his sleep

that is indeed totally evil, but a very easy solution to the problem (if he still wants to have anything to do with me after he woke up that is, lol)

 

[youngnihilist]

Well sure it might be shallow but you can only have a meaningful relationship with someone you're attracted to! Tell him the truth. If h likes you enough he will cut it

 

[sixthson]

Yes, I'd say it's shallow.

It's his hair to wear as he pleases.

Your gf found fault with something equally superficial and it turned you off. Learn something from that.

The odds of him keeping his hair this long for the rest of his life are slim...nature may take care of that, too.
But the things you love about him will most likely last a life time. Focus on them.

Chill with the criticism. Love unconditionally.

 

[Orlandude]

I agree with some of the other posters. Why beat around the bush about it? I'd ask him why he chose to wear his hair so long and in a ponytail. You will probably get the response that he likes it that way. He will also probably ask why you are asking. I would just tell him that longer hair is a lot to take care of (which is the truth) and some of the newer styles would really accent his great facial features that the ponytail does not. Be prepared that he won't change it. I suspect that he's trying to be "different" and making some kind of statement.

You do not know him well enough to say this BUT longer hair and ponytails are a bit outdated. This IS 2007. In the final analysis, it's his hair. I wouldn't base my friendship with him on his hair. He will likely change the style anyway, in his own time.

 

[Brijan]

Are you shallow: maybe; but being shallow or not won't solve your problem.
At least you know what you like; and convserly don't like.

You can ignore it and keep hanging out. I'll bet you'll find that his hair becomes less of an issue for you. My ex didn't have perfect teeth. However, as time went on not only did I not notice it, when I did it was sort of cute. (Super condensed version of what I'm actually thinking, so I am hoping that what I wrote makes sense at 1am.)

 

[rareboy]

Am I Shallow?

Yes.

But if you don't like his hair, you don't like his hair.

Just don't whine if someone doesn't like your shirt and decides not to give you the time of day.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm not so sure about this. Who's to say that after he cuts his hair, you won't find something else about him that keeps you from liking him? I'd keep a relationship going, and see if you can "get over" the hair thing first. You may just surprise yourself.

Lex

 

[sixthson]

Who's to say that after he cuts his hair, you won't find something else about him that keeps you from liking him?

Lex

That's exactly what will happen. This is not really about the guy's hair...it is, however, about the OP.

 

[thewiz]

I don't find it shallow that there is something that you find to dislike in someone. I have gone with women and men and I have yet to find the perfect person that has nothing I don't like. Me, of course, is another story; I am truly perfect.

With that, I think it is something you will have to explore your heart to answer. Is this person great to be with? Do you love his smile? Do you love to just spend time with him and would you like to spend even more?

If the answers are yes, then do it. As Brijan said, you might find that the hair becomes less and less noticable. And if you truly are in love (and he is truly in love with you) then be honest. But I bet by that time the hair means nothing.....

 

[drhladnjak]

If something so shallow as his hair is really a dealbreaker, that indicates to me that you're not finding other compelling qualities about him that would outweigh something so superficial. I don't think that necessarily makes you shallow (at least not more than most people), but perhaps it reveals that the underlying attraction just isn't there.

Sounds like an excellent friend opportunity though.

For the record, I don't care for guys with long hair either. It's one of my biggest turnoffs. Then again, there don't seem to be a lot of gay men around here with long hair anyways.

 

[cbtfan]

Well.. as a guy with fairly long hair.... just to the nipples at the moment and it has taken four years to get this far. I would guess it has taken your friend 10 years plus to get it to his length.


Would I cut my hair for the right guy...?

Maybe..

Are you shallow? I don't think so. You just need to tell him how you feel.

My partner actually likes me with long hair.. so I grew it and don't mind having long hair. ( edit... I suppose as I have grown it for my partner I would cut it for my partner too)

Perhaps your friend won't mind cutting it.... but after 10 years plus in growing it - you will need to be really special in order for him to cut it.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>And anyone who says looks aren't importatnt is lying.

Which is why blind people never get laid.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

It's not shallow. Everyone has preferences that can be deal breakers. Smoking is a deal breaker for me.

I don't like long, long hair neither. I wouldn't even have gone on a first date with him because long, long hair is not my thing.

He seems like a nice guy, but to ask him to cut his hair (something that took him a long time to achieve) just so you can like him IS shallow. My advice? Let this one go. You can still be his friend.

 

[bluedragon4]

HEY!!! Someone removed my comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It wasn't that bad!!