Some of you might have read my previous thread – long story short - met a guy, fell for him, he told me he had a bf, I felt like I was being used as a ‘backup’.......but in the end, we still talked a lot and somewhat remained as ‘friends’.
I know many people have advised against being ‘friends’ but I just felt like I couldn’t leave him because he seemed genuine in needing a friend who could understand him, whom he could just let everything out, be there to support him – and I ain’t trying to be saint, but I felt like I could do that for him and he had acknowledged that.
So for the past 2 days, I have been telling myself there is nothing more to us than just friends. He had asked me to hang out today which I did and I went out with no expectations, and I felt I could really control myself from thinking that it is still possible. I wasn’t down or anything and it seemed like we had a good time and I came home not feeling sad or anything, unlike last week.
I went to his place and the conversation touched on his bf. So, he started letting it all out – telling me how he is always drunk, how he has been really sarcastic him and controlling, how the bf did not seem to have the will to take care of the visa paperwork to move over here (it’s been 2 years), the list goes on. I was sympathetic with him but I refrained from making judgments or making him think that I’m still into him. All I said was “maybe he had his reasons, maybe he is stressed with work, you need to give him time, it’s all coming together, it will be OK, bla bla bla”. He was frustrated, I could tell and I didn’t think he was telling me all that to lead me on, on purpose.
We went out and I drove. We would talk and laugh, and he has touched/squeezed me on my legs twice while I was driving. I didn’t respond. He kept on telling me that I’m very special because I could see him anytime, I am welcome to drop in at his place at anytime, how he usually would not respond to his friends’ requests immediately (like if they needed help getting a document or something but he would do it for me in a heartbeat – which he did today!). We talked about his bf a little bit on the road.
Then, we went back to his place and sat aimlessly in front of the computer, listening to music. Then, I suggested that he tell his bf to read this particular book about accepting him being gay and how it had helped me to accept myself several years ago. He didn’t really seem interested. Not long after, I told him I should go. He said “What about my laundry? You promised to iron my clothes.” LOL. I said “You didn’t remind me earlier” and he said “Well, I shouldn’t have to.” Then he quickly went to grab his ironing board and took out those stuff he wanted ironed. I worked through it while he did some real work on the computer. He asked if I needed a massage or anything while I was ironing and I said “No thanks.
Ironing done in 45 minutes,and I said I should leave but we ended up talking for another 30 minutes! He gave me a big long hug before I left and as I walking out the door, he asked me “did you leave your heart behind?” I laughed and said “I don’t know”.
Am I being stupid???
I know many people have advised against being ‘friends’ but I just felt like I couldn’t leave him because he seemed genuine in needing a friend who could understand him, whom he could just let everything out, be there to support him – and I ain’t trying to be saint, but I felt like I could do that for him and he had acknowledged that.
So for the past 2 days, I have been telling myself there is nothing more to us than just friends. He had asked me to hang out today which I did and I went out with no expectations, and I felt I could really control myself from thinking that it is still possible. I wasn’t down or anything and it seemed like we had a good time and I came home not feeling sad or anything, unlike last week.
I went to his place and the conversation touched on his bf. So, he started letting it all out – telling me how he is always drunk, how he has been really sarcastic him and controlling, how the bf did not seem to have the will to take care of the visa paperwork to move over here (it’s been 2 years), the list goes on. I was sympathetic with him but I refrained from making judgments or making him think that I’m still into him. All I said was “maybe he had his reasons, maybe he is stressed with work, you need to give him time, it’s all coming together, it will be OK, bla bla bla”. He was frustrated, I could tell and I didn’t think he was telling me all that to lead me on, on purpose.
We went out and I drove. We would talk and laugh, and he has touched/squeezed me on my legs twice while I was driving. I didn’t respond. He kept on telling me that I’m very special because I could see him anytime, I am welcome to drop in at his place at anytime, how he usually would not respond to his friends’ requests immediately (like if they needed help getting a document or something but he would do it for me in a heartbeat – which he did today!). We talked about his bf a little bit on the road.
Then, we went back to his place and sat aimlessly in front of the computer, listening to music. Then, I suggested that he tell his bf to read this particular book about accepting him being gay and how it had helped me to accept myself several years ago. He didn’t really seem interested. Not long after, I told him I should go. He said “What about my laundry? You promised to iron my clothes.” LOL. I said “You didn’t remind me earlier” and he said “Well, I shouldn’t have to.” Then he quickly went to grab his ironing board and took out those stuff he wanted ironed. I worked through it while he did some real work on the computer. He asked if I needed a massage or anything while I was ironing and I said “No thanks.
Ironing done in 45 minutes,and I said I should leave but we ended up talking for another 30 minutes! He gave me a big long hug before I left and as I walking out the door, he asked me “did you leave your heart behind?” I laughed and said “I don’t know”.
Am I being stupid???
). 
I answered "Rape is a crime. I would love to sleep with you and make love to you but my respect for your relationship is far greater than my desires and urges".
