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Am I terrible for wanting to do this

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I've never seen people do this. I thought mods yelled at people for getting off topic. It's kinda not cool to talk about desserts and shit in a thread. Maybe you all dont care but this was quite a dilemma to me. I could see if this was the TV show or porn forum or something. How would you feel if you shared something personal and posters randomly started talking about food?
 
^ It has nothing to do with food, aijalon18. It's a subtle reference to some of us meaning the Original Poster has heard our advice, but is not taking it, so we're going "out to lunch" so to speak.

The reason why they started is because you just announced you are moving in with him. Considering the sexual tension you told us, your new situation makes this topic far from over. Now the two of you will be living in very close contact to each other, and that is only going to escalate the sexual tension.

One cannot simply shut off sexual feelings towards someone they are attracted to. Instead of distancing yourself from this situation, you've escalated it. The best thing to do would have been to say, "Nah man, I'm happy living on my own," because deep down inside you know you still want to have sex with him. You don't pull in the temptation closer, you distance yourself from it and pursue other options.

Do you understand what I mean?
 
^Exactly what he said.
 
Just_Believe18 said:
^ It has nothing to do with food, aijalon18. It's a subtle reference to some of us meaning the Original Poster has heard our advice, but is not taking it, so we're going "out to lunch" so to speak.

The reason why they started is because you just announced you are moving in with him. Considering the sexual tension you told us, your new situation makes this topic far from over. Now the two of you will be living in very close contact to each other, and that is only going to escalate the sexual tension.

One cannot simply shut off sexual feelings towards someone they are attracted to. Instead of distancing yourself from this situation, you've escalated it. The best thing to do would have been to say, "Nah man, I'm happy living on my own," because deep down inside you know you still want to have sex with him. You don't pull in the temptation closer, you distance yourself from it and pursue other options.

Do you understand what I mean?
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Well i guess I didnt get it. I dont think it was that obvious tbh. Things dont always translate when in typed messages like they do in speech. I could have picked up on the sarcasm. It would have been nice if you just said this instead of all that other stuff.

TBH he is the only person who I can live with at this point besides a stranger. Ive I had the worst luck living with strangers. Of my single friends who are not roped into their own leases or living situations, he is the only one i find financially responsible enough to live with.

It might be hard to believe but I have plenty of restraint. Some of the poster have made me see how clearly wrong it is. One thing my friend, who I have now ruled out as a sex partner, always says is "things never go exactly as planned." And he's right. I planned on it being a one time thing. But who knows? He could end up getting attached or I could end up getting attached and jealous of the gf. Then I'd be a total idiot. I will never be somebody's ho on the side fighting with some girl over a boy. That is beyond pathetic to me.

Unlike a lot guys who like guys I dont get attracted to close friends. He and I have known each other for a long time but are really not that close. When I am close to guys on a friendship level I become totally unattracted to them sexually. The friendship always takes priority eventually and I start to see them more like brothers.
 
until you guys see each other a lot in the bathroom ;)

Wanting something doesn't make you terrible no. But you never know how how hard it can be to resist. If he respected his relationship, he wouldn't have asked you.

Good luck, that's a toughy.
 
Aijalon. Good luck on your living arrangements.

But you have to write yourself a little note, even mentally, reminding yourself that you will not become jealous or envious of the gf.

C'mon. Get out there and find yourself the right gf or bf. One who's free and can devote all their time and attention to your relationship and not be emotionally split between two people at the same time.
 
Thanks rareboy you always have no bullshit advice. but as of now I truly, truly do not want a relationship with this kid or anyone for that matter. I'm happy being unattached. I really wanna focus on my career for the most part. I just need to clean the plumbing once in a while.

I realized that the sex with someone in this scenario might bring emotional attachment and jealousy that I really don't need. As of now I dont resent the gf. I like her and the times ive been out with her she is fun. I am not secretly hoping they break up. I hope it works out for them.
 
Just_Believe18 said:
^ It has nothing to do with food, aijalon18. It's a subtle reference to some of us meaning the Original Poster has heard our advice, but is not taking it, so we're going "out to lunch" so to speak.
Click to expand...

aijalon18 said:
Well i guess I didnt get it. I dont think it was that obvious tbh. Things dont always translate when in typed messages like they do in speech. I could have picked up on the sarcasm. It would have been nice if you just said this instead of all that other stuff.
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Actually, it's not sarcasm. JB18 is correct- "coffee" is a mental health break for some of the regulars. Picture a group of guys sitting back on the side of the room having coffee (or for some guys, tea) and pastry while they wait.

The reason we take a break is because we can give advice but advice is only one way to learn. The other way to learn- which is a lot harder- is to go through it. That's how many of us have learned (painfully) and we hope to help others avoid that pain by giving advice here in the forum.

But we understand that sometimes you have to do what you have to do and sometimes you just have to learn the hard way.

So, we'll be having coffee until you need to talk.


aijalon18 said:
It might be hard to believe but I have plenty of restraint....or I could end up getting attached and jealous of the gf. Then I'd be a total idiot. I will never be somebody's ho on the side fighting with some girl over a boy. That is beyond pathetic to me.
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It's the right attitude. But honestly it's a whole lot different when a guy you are attracted to is walking around in a towel after coming out of the shower. Or you run into each other in the kitchen and he's wearing nothing but underwear and he's got a morning chubby. And there's nothing like laying in your bed in the middle of the night listening to your crush and his girlfriend having sex in their bedroom while you wish it was you laying there in your roommate's arms.

Hopefully you have the fortitude to not feel these things but based on other threads in this forum, you will be the exception. :)

But sometimes you have to experience things before you understand. Then you can join us for a cup of coffee.
 
I feel if a guys has a GF and is Straight and he messed with another guy it is not cheating :), than again thats just me.
 
^ And we're gonna have to disagree there.

My definition of "cheating" is simple. If you do something sexually with somebody else, and you don't want your partner to know about it, you're cheating. I don't care what the hell it is. An orgy at the bathhouse, a hook-up with a friend, camming with a stranger, or holding someone else's hand. If you do it, and you don't want your partner to know about, it's cheating.

That's why so many above suggested bringing the girlfriend into the conversation. If she really isn't going to have a problem with it, ask her. "I'd like to have sex with your boyfriend. Are you OK with that?" If she is, then cool - off to the bedroom.

Lex
 
to tell the truth, i never EVER learn from advice alone. I need it sometimes just to get another opinion, but most of the time I've already decided and just want an opinion. so i understand doing whatever ur doing. Advice should probably not dictate your life, and here's hoping ur plan works
 
I dont see it as giving up power to dictate my life, but the advice helps give me a perspective that I lacked. Once I had it, it helped me realize it was just a bad idea. Sometimes when you are too close to a situation you can't make good decisions about it. That's why listening to people here who dont have an emotional attachment to the guy/girl your are asking about can give the best advice.

I dont always need to experience something to know it will be bad.
 
^ Well, I feel much better about your recent posts, aijalon18. It sounds like you understand the consequences of pursuing physical feelings for your friend and realize it's not something you need in your life. That's good.

I also understand your situation that living with a best friend you trust is much better than finding a stranger and hoping you're compatible. So I see this is an important domestic decision that involves emotional and financial well-being.

However, KaraBulut pointed out some testy scenarios you will most likely encounter living with your friend. As he said, I wish you the best in having the fortitude necessary to not envy the sex life of your friend. I know for me it would be very challenging. If a situation comes up, please let us know, and we can see if we can help you through it. :)
 
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