Am I wrong?

[KaraBulut]

There's no wrong or right in this one.

The problem is that the two of you are very different people with very different needs. It may be that there's not enough there for long-term compatibility.

This is your first relationship. Relationships are a learning experience. You learn to make better choices, hopefully, with each one. And hopefully, you learn to end it when it's apparent that it is not going to work out.

That's where you are now.

 

[payit4ward]

It isn't wrong for you but you have made the decision to involve another person and allowed him to develop feelings for you when you are unable in many aspects of your life to show him how you feel about him an as far as you calling him and emotional little girl it does not sound like he is girly but that he is able to express his feelings and that is not a negative quality in a person and maybe so you dont cause him more pain in the future maybe you should go your seperate ways until you are done pretending to be a straight boy!

 

[payit4ward]

This isn't about a rainbow sticker and if you are on different levels and can't give one another what both of you need then even if it is hurtful at first perhaps you should break it off but leave him with the message that he hasn't done anything wrong and you will value him as a friend always but that it isn't working for either of you and he may be angry and resentful for awhile but he will heal emotionally in time and will probably come around and be a good friend.

 

[spencer]

As the resident closeted one, I have NEVER asked anyone I have dated to pretend to be straight. There is zero way, I would even try to hang out with a friend that I am not to either. It is totally unfair and 100% wrong. I mean it's one thing to ask someone to act straight for an accidental introduction at the mall, but to hang out with someone, there's no way. And even worse, this person was your ex? WTF where you thinking (take away the gay/straight equation and it was just wrong to begin with) And it was wrong of him to agree to try to act straight in the first place. He knew it was a recipe for disaster, you should have too.

I'm not surprised and neither should you be, because it's pretty textbook. You can't expect, neither should you continue to expect your boyfriend to go into the closet with you to your friends or family. It's unfair and you just need to be with him on your time.

Seriously, there should be no more situations where you introduce him as your buddy cause he is not to be integrated to any one of your friends or family otherwise (accept by happenstance) Please do not do this to the guy. It was hard enough for him to come out and those expectations are unreal.

As for being more emotional. Try this, just text him. You don't have to text him sweet nothings, just text him hello, good morning or good night. That's all. People want to feel wanted. It takes no lovey doveyness at all to say, how are you and how was your day? Heck you can even throw in an, i'm looking forward to seeing you later.

Be prepared, btw, for a lot of, this isn't flaming, tongue lashing.

 

[creatus]

Try this, just text him. You don't have to text him sweet nothings, just text him hello, good morning or good night. That's all. People want to feel wanted. It takes no lovey doveyness at all to say, how are you and how was your day? Heck you can even throw in an, i'm looking forward to seeing you later.

That was an excellent advice, firechickendude, stick to that in this or in the next relationship. I wish more of the "straight-acting" guys had heard this.

 

[KaraBulut]

Being overly emotional is a negative quality. If they always want to talk about "issues" that really aren't issues it causes a huge problem and really puts a damper on the whole relationship. One example is when he got all upset because I didn't kiss him goodnight?! I was tired and fell asleep and you're going to throw a little fit because I didn't kiss you goodnight?

I understand I probably shouldn't of called him an emotional little girl, but it honestly clearly represent him right now. And as for the pain I'm causing him, he made the decision to have a relationship with me despite me disclosing that this was exactly how it was going to be. I'm not trying to play the blame game here, but it's not like I didn't tell him everything in the beginning.

One caution here...

Being emotional and talking about issues is not a bad trait- it's just a different way.

You're going to encounter "feeling" people all the time. They're at work, at school, in your personal life and you may date a few of them.

And talking about issues is better than letting them fester until they explode.

The problem here is not that you're right and he's wrong. And it's not that he's overly emotional. The problem is that he's a person who reacts emotionally to situations where you react analytically. You're two very different people and neither of you is able to understand the other person's viewpoint.

 

[rareboy]

I have to respectfully disagree with those who are trying to reassure you that you've done nothing wrong.

I think you're in the wrong. And not just intellectually wrong, but morally wrong in the sense of being dishonest. With yourself and others.

It is your choice to live in the closet. But you can't force your guy to act in your little play of lies all the time as well. The way you deal with introductions etc. indicates that you are ashamed of your sexual identity. You diminsih not only your bf, but yourself and the person you are introducing them to.

Just because you want a guy's guy and have repressed emotions to the point of dispassion, doesn't mean that you have the right to expect a bf to have the same flattened response to the world.

Just stop dragging everyone else down to your level.

If I were your bf, I'd be doing some pretty careful re-evaluation of whether I wanted to be around someone like you. The sex can't be that great.

And by the way. It isn't 'him and me', It is ' He and I'....This little grammatical faux pas always tells me a lot about where the author places themselves in their own cosmos. Try thinking of him first and yourself secondly.

 

[kissthesky88]

i've had guys i've dated in the past do what you asked your boyfriend to do; and i've also been asked by them as well.

it is fucked up, but surely you knew there'd be a incredibly high emotional toll by asking your boyfriend to do that.

as a very masculine gay guy, i think there are a lot of times we get the short ends of all the sticks. the more effeminate men think we're "not being real", but when we're told to temporarily "butch up" even more so, it makes us feel emasculated.

i think your boyfriend had already had a chip on his shoulder when he blew up on you. he was probably angry before. why? there could be tons of reasons. maybe he thought you'd be a little faster with the coming out. maybe he thought you'd never have the audacity to introduce him to your ex as "just a friend", let alone make him hang out with her. maybe he resents you for making him feel emasculated, or 'cause you seem to be holding his feelings over his head. it's probably all of them, plus the fact that you've now been together for a little over 2 months and it's just around that time that you start to see past the infatuation you have with the other and begin noticing the flaws in their personalities... their annoying habits, their insecurities, etc. it might even be the fact that you seem a little ungrateful even though he's doing what you asked of him (no offense, it's just that i would personally expect hour long blowjobs each and every night if my boyfriend tried pulling that shit on me, or at the very least some flowers and a couple of "i love yous"; and i mean at very fucking least).

but like i was saying, i'm just like you brother. i'm 21 and totally not even in the slightest emotionally available. i can't tell a guy "i like spending time with you" or "i'm thinking about you" blah blah blah. it's just gnarly cheesy to me, so i know how you feel. it makes me feel like i'm faking it. you're right in putting your foot down by saying you're not willing to change. you're not in the wrong in that sense. i always say: everything in relationships are negotiable, everything except for yourself.

 

[payit4ward]

As for that whole "wanting to feel wanted," he's said that word for word. I really do try to make it known that I want him in my life. I do text him goodnight, but I can see where I don't do it enough. I'm not like that and I do feel bad that I can't give him what he wants.

And I'm not dragging him down to my level. Out of the past 2 months we've been together, I introduced him as my friends only twice. I try to avoid situations where I don't feel comfortable introducing him as my BF cause I know it's not fair to him.

But thanks for all the advice. And don't be afraid to tell me I'm being an asshole. I asked for the truth, I don't need any sugar coating.

No your not and asshole and your not dragging him down to your level and he isn't dragging you to his either but if you know that he likes for you to text him goodnight and you admit you don't do it enough then make and effort to do it a little more often and that will probably make him happy. He has been in situations where he has to pretend just to be your friend so occasionally take him somewhere that you can be boyfriends and you wont have to worry about your straight friends being there.