To those of you judging Martkell harshly, did you read this portion of his post? His boyfriend doesn't just show signs of putting the boy first, but also seems inclined to be taken advantage of and to enable the boy's father (and perhaps mother as well?). Again, the OP's boyfriend seems to have some boundary issues, and eventually it could cause some serious problems with someone other than just Martkell.
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To those of you judging Martkell harshly, did you read this portion of his post? His boyfriend doesn't just show signs of putting the boy first, but also seems inclined to be taken advantage of and to enable the boy's father (and perhaps mother as well?). Again, the OP's boyfriend seems to have some boundary issues, and eventually it could cause some serious problems with someone other than just Martkell.
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gabriel1
Guest
I've got alarm bells and red flags waving for some reason. If it were me personally I would be seriously thinking of moving on.
I think you're right to feel the way you do.
Unless he's the boy's father or guardian, your relationship should take priority over the kid (assuming you two are in a serious relationship). Also, I think it's inappropriate for the two to be sharing a bed.
Unless he's the boy's father or guardian, your relationship should take priority over the kid (assuming you two are in a serious relationship). Also, I think it's inappropriate for the two to be sharing a bed.
williamhalliwell1387
On the Prowl
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Honestly, yes, I think that you are right in wanting more attention and thinking that your boyfriend may be being used. However, I don't think that you should break it off with him. I understand that your boyfriend and this kid have been close since the kids birth, but why on earth does that mean that your boyfriend should take care of him so often?
I think you should calmly sit down with your boyfriend and explain what you see and what you feel. Don't make him choose, because making someone choose is quite possibly the worst thing anyone can do to another person. Instead, try to tell your boyfriend that yes, you understand that he loves that kid, but you also would like to be treated like a boyfriend. maybe your bf could just back down a tiny bit on the affection towards the kid and up it towards you.
Does your boyfriend even know you feel this way? Sometimes they think you understand, even though you really don't. Its important to at least try talking about it before you make any hasty decisions.
And, call me curious but, what exactly is your bf's relationship with this kids father?
I think you should calmly sit down with your boyfriend and explain what you see and what you feel. Don't make him choose, because making someone choose is quite possibly the worst thing anyone can do to another person. Instead, try to tell your boyfriend that yes, you understand that he loves that kid, but you also would like to be treated like a boyfriend. maybe your bf could just back down a tiny bit on the affection towards the kid and up it towards you.
Does your boyfriend even know you feel this way? Sometimes they think you understand, even though you really don't. Its important to at least try talking about it before you make any hasty decisions.
And, call me curious but, what exactly is your bf's relationship with this kids father?
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Martkell2007
Guest
I haven't been on much, but I will respond to all of you
Spreadeagle: You are right, this situation reflects what I went through when I was 8. Because of my godfather's wife, I was cut off from the parenting my god-father gave me. She saw me as an intrusion into her relationship. Though Im reminded of this event in my history and part of me thinks it's unfair, I don't let it affect my judgment. And no, I dont live with my boyfriend.
Rareboy: I return his love unconditionally too. Luckily I dont have self-esteem issues (I know you werent saying I have them, I was just saying I dont have those issues in general). And yes, at 18 it probably is hard for you to understand.
Gangieer: You are right, it feels weird to me. I ask why he can't stay with his grandmother like he usually does. I never get an answer.
Tigerfan: I cant. I love him.
BKT5789: You are so right. I need you beside me when im telling my bf that. And yes, the boy's father spends no time with him. My boyfriend says that's why he spends time with the boy and buys him stuff all the time.
SilvlerRRCloud: Im going to hold out for a while. I think Im going to ask him if our relationship comes first and see what he says.
Unclaimedblessing: He wont read it, but I will share what I learn from you guys with him. And yes, I do love him. We love each other. At least I hope.
Megustamyn: I am afraid of that showdown. The moment where he clearly makes either the boy and his father OR me the priority.
Musicman - Well actually the father is more of an issue than the boy.
Treborf and WilliamHalliwell - I dont know why things are like this. I dont know why he feels the need to take care of this kid all the time. He has known the child since he was a baby. But I should come first. "We" should come first.
Update on the situation, I get to his house to find some girl standing in the room. I dont know why shes there or what she has been doing, but my boyfriend's friend had here there. My bf has a lot of stuff that can be stolen and has clearly told his friend not to have strangers over alone without permission. But now my bf just blows that off too. My bf's friend also was about to take some groceries out of the house without asking. Since I bought them, I stopped him, but otherwise, if the food or whatever belonged to my bf, he would take it without asking. It bothers the hell out of me.
Did I mention this friend has a key to the house, and my bf thinks he has stolen some of his medication before. My bf's expensive clothing he got from Vietnam is missing now as well. I dont want to give up on this as my bf and I are great together. And the sex is great too. But I need to be first. I plan on telling my bf that if ever wants us to live together he'll have to take away his friend's key.
Spreadeagle: You are right, this situation reflects what I went through when I was 8. Because of my godfather's wife, I was cut off from the parenting my god-father gave me. She saw me as an intrusion into her relationship. Though Im reminded of this event in my history and part of me thinks it's unfair, I don't let it affect my judgment. And no, I dont live with my boyfriend.
Rareboy: I return his love unconditionally too. Luckily I dont have self-esteem issues (I know you werent saying I have them, I was just saying I dont have those issues in general). And yes, at 18 it probably is hard for you to understand.
Gangieer: You are right, it feels weird to me. I ask why he can't stay with his grandmother like he usually does. I never get an answer.
Tigerfan: I cant. I love him.
BKT5789: You are so right. I need you beside me when im telling my bf that. And yes, the boy's father spends no time with him. My boyfriend says that's why he spends time with the boy and buys him stuff all the time.
SilvlerRRCloud: Im going to hold out for a while. I think Im going to ask him if our relationship comes first and see what he says.
Unclaimedblessing: He wont read it, but I will share what I learn from you guys with him. And yes, I do love him. We love each other. At least I hope.
Megustamyn: I am afraid of that showdown. The moment where he clearly makes either the boy and his father OR me the priority.
Musicman - Well actually the father is more of an issue than the boy.
Treborf and WilliamHalliwell - I dont know why things are like this. I dont know why he feels the need to take care of this kid all the time. He has known the child since he was a baby. But I should come first. "We" should come first.
Update on the situation, I get to his house to find some girl standing in the room. I dont know why shes there or what she has been doing, but my boyfriend's friend had here there. My bf has a lot of stuff that can be stolen and has clearly told his friend not to have strangers over alone without permission. But now my bf just blows that off too. My bf's friend also was about to take some groceries out of the house without asking. Since I bought them, I stopped him, but otherwise, if the food or whatever belonged to my bf, he would take it without asking. It bothers the hell out of me.
Did I mention this friend has a key to the house, and my bf thinks he has stolen some of his medication before. My bf's expensive clothing he got from Vietnam is missing now as well. I dont want to give up on this as my bf and I are great together. And the sex is great too. But I need to be first. I plan on telling my bf that if ever wants us to live together he'll have to take away his friend's key.
Just_Believe18
of the 99%
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There is something unnaturally wrong about your boyfriend. I know you love him but this is not healthy! You have every right to feel weird about the whole situation. It is not normal.
A little boy does not sleep in a non-relative's bed. It is completely inappropriate! Especially for your boyfriend to make you sleep in the guest room. It's unbelievable.
I know you say nothing sexual is going on but there is still an unhealthy infatuation your boyfriend has over this boy. Especially when he lets his father walk all over him, stealing your food and property.
A little boy does not sleep in a non-relative's bed. It is completely inappropriate! Especially for your boyfriend to make you sleep in the guest room. It's unbelievable.
I know you say nothing sexual is going on but there is still an unhealthy infatuation your boyfriend has over this boy. Especially when he lets his father walk all over him, stealing your food and property.
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not to sound weird but I have alarm bells going off, a non relative does not sleep with an eight year old boy and his infation with him seems disturbing. Not only would I kick him to the curb but I would strongly urge you tell someone about this other than us. At the best, his behavior is innaproiate. At worst...that child will have his soul destroyed.
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Martkell2007
Guest
Sorry about all the mis-spellings in the above post, but I just wanted to try and shed some clarity on the situation quickly. And I'm not writing a thesis so I didn't take time to go back and make corrections.
Ninja, It really is more of a territorial and attention thing for me. Lately things have gotten better. His friend hasn't been over for an extended period of time in a while, and the boy hasn't either. We've been moving so they both stop by my bf's house to move some of the stuff they have over here. Part of me is glad my bf is moving because instead of his friend just moving his items into the new house, he is taking them to his own house. I just hope eventually his friend doesn't start bringing stuff back over into the new house.
Ninja, It really is more of a territorial and attention thing for me. Lately things have gotten better. His friend hasn't been over for an extended period of time in a while, and the boy hasn't either. We've been moving so they both stop by my bf's house to move some of the stuff they have over here. Part of me is glad my bf is moving because instead of his friend just moving his items into the new house, he is taking them to his own house. I just hope eventually his friend doesn't start bringing stuff back over into the new house.