Anger towards sister...

[douseiai]

While this is not a romantic relationship this is a relationship and I don't want to much flame on this....

okay... My sister as some may remember took me in when my parents kicked me out. Not so much take me in but allow me to stay with her for a short time then become roommates. So after about a month of staying in her 1 bedroom we got a 2 bedroom in the same complex. We have now been rooming for approx 6 monthes including her apartment. Be advised I payed rent each and every month. That first month that I stayed in her place I paid over half her rent.

Now, we have a decent arrangement... I take out the trash and she does the dishes there isn't much need to clean because I basically stay in my room and she just sits on the couch, or is at her bf's. Now this is a simple arrangement which has worked decently. Recently it has started to get testy... The other thing that we do is she handles the bulk of the bills. Rent and electric are her responsibility to get them to the office on time. I take care of the dsl line and I tend to cook fairly often. This is the extent of the rules the only other ones are social... for instance I can't make any sexual remark because she thinks its TMI and she can say anything she wants cause she is a woman. I have a great amount of patience but there are things that through me over the edge especially when it continues for monthes...

So two days ago my sister didn't yell but spoke angrily because I had not done the dishes, while she has been busy with work and bf. I remained silent in hopes that she might remember that she is the dish person. Now the dishes had been stacking up for the past 2 weeks, 1 bowl and 1 fork were mine the rest were her and her bf's. I had been working 1pm to 10pm the past two weeks and was plenty busy myself not to mention that practically none of the dishes were mine as because of my schedule it was far easier for me to just grab food out. So I didn't care much so I emptied the dishwasher which left her the dishes. Whatever I'm not so much of a prick that I won't do something to help.

Moving on to tonight... My sister is older then me and thus feels that it is her responsibility to annoy me. No I'm not meaning like she doesn't know that it really bugs me, she knows it bugs me and that's why she does it. She also feels the need to ask me questions to which it would be rather obvious that I wouldn't know the answer to, which gets me on the defensive when she pushes for an answer, which gets her on the offensive looking for an answer which makes me leave the room.

Moving to what I was saying... She basically stated around everyone tonight when we went to a friends that she agreed and that older siblings are there to mess with their younger ones. She may have been joking but it seemed rather serious. That of course bugged me, my sister has purposfully annoyed me for my entire life. From taking advantage that I was ticklish, to messing with me emotionally...

She also feels that she understands me, which is fairly obvious that she doesn't 50% of the time. She also feels the need to over correct... not just to say you were wrong this is right, but to say "YOU'RE FUCKIN WRONG HERES THE ANSWER DUMB ASS!" and then slams it into your face multiple times. She also feels the need to inform you of meaningless things that may get you impressed or worried about something.

So given this information (all truthful) would you agree that when our lease is up I should move in with someone else?



Oh and as far as if my sister could be angry at me now this is my argument... I sit in my room playing on my computer pretty much all day... I leave the living room handing my sister the remote whenever she comes in with intent to watch tv. I survive with the heater on even though while it was a nice 70 outside it was 75 inside. And when she was late with the rent the past two monthes and forgot to pay the electric bill this month I didn't complain... We work at different times home different times and I don't play my music obscenely loud like I used to.... Oh I also don't just call out TMI whenever she mentions anything sexual...

 

[NickCole]

Yes I think you should move in with someone else when the lease is up.

You have an entrenched relationship dynamic with your sister that irritates you and also keeps you in a subservient position that probably makes it difficult for you to mature properly. It's time you grow independent from your biological family and evolve fully into an adult. The issues like doing dishes are not important, they're really indicators of other issues. She wants to control you and you want to move on, live your life on your terms.

And a bit of unsolicited advice: if you're 21, don't sit in your room on your computer all day. Get out into the world, participate with other people in activities that you enjoy. Build an active life for yourself, it'll bring you a lot of happiness. Youth is very short and the rest of life is long; now is the time to build the foundation of your adulthood.

 

[rareboy]

Dear lord...are you both 12 years old? I'm not sure either of you should live with anyone else unitl you learn some very important lessons about responsibility and relationships. If you have time to sit at tyour computer all day, you have time to wash a few dishes. Are you actually saying you both would let 2 weeks of dishes accumulate?

A general agreement on division of chores does not preclude either of you from pitching in and helping out. By the way, who cleans your toilet?


Obviously, there were some serious skills training omissions in your upbringing, but that doesn't mean it is too late to give your head a shake and start behaving like a real adult.

As Nick says, get out of the apartment, develop some real friendships. Volunteer at some organization. Go to school and learn some new skills and make it very clear to your sister that you are not a lazy dumb ass. Oh, and by the way, don't forget to thank your sister for being there when you got kicked out by your parents.

 

[star-warrior]

Half fill the sink with hot water, and put in some washing up detergent. Put the dirty dishes in and let it soak for about 10 minutes whilst you have a snack. When you've finished your snack, the encrusted plates will not require hard abrasive scrubbing, as it is likely the residue will have softened. Wrinse them out with clean water from the tap. The dishes can be done in 10-15 minutes of your time. Soaking takes out the elbow grease.

 

[douseiai]

Dear lord...are you both 12 years old? I'm not sure either of you should live with anyone else unitl you learn some very important lessons about responsibility and relationships. If you have time to sit at tyour computer all day, you have time to wash a few dishes. Are you actually saying you both would let 2 weeks of dishes accumulate?

A general agreement on division of chores does not preclude either of you from pitching in and helping out. By the way, who cleans your toilet?


Obviously, there were some serious skills training omissions in your upbringing, but that doesn't mean it is too late to give your head a shake and start behaving like a real adult.

As Nick says, get out of the apartment, develop some real friendships. Volunteer at some organization. Go to school and learn some new skills and make it very clear to your sister that you are not a lazy dumb ass. Oh, and by the way, don't forget to thank your sister for being there when you got kicked out by your parents.

I'm not saying we would i'm sayin she would. I practically never go into the kitchen unless I have time to do something. If I am going to cook something is about the only reason I go into the kitchen. I clean my toilet I can only assume she cleans hers. I have no problem doing stuff it's just she is going to be the one to complain that her job is not done I am going to make her do her job.

I am working on a way to get out tryin to find one of my friends now who may have an opening. I have gone to the same amount of school that my sister has with the only exception that she has 1 year more then me because she got her math done, even now I answer math problems for her.

I sit in my room all day because I don't know what else to do. Keep in mind that this was while I was working 1pm to 10pm and my car isn't exactly at its peak right now... If you have recomendations on how to make new friends or find something to do when I have time.... by all means make a suggestion I have to much trouble getting new friends I am not against getting advice

 

[slobone]

You will never win an argument with your older sister because -- she's your older sister! I visit my sister once a year for about 4 days, and that's all I can stand. Don't get me wrong, I love and respect her, but our lifestyles are just too different.

So yes, definitely move out when your lease is up.

And by the way, as to roommate-type disputes -- it's tiring and pointless to argue over who has to do which job. Now would be a good time for you to develop a better attitude. Get in the habit of doing more than your share -- you'll be the winner in the long run. Nothing could be more tiresome than "I did the dishes yesterday, it's your turn" etc.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I sit in my room all day because I don't know what else to do.

Three random suggestions on what to do instead of sitting in your room:

* Go out and meet some other people.
* Look into other living arrangements. The sooner you look, the quicker (and easier) the transition will be.
* Do the dishes. Even if it's not "your" job. Unless the thought of you being "right" and living in squalor trumps being nice and living in a clean one.

Do know that the "chore" issue is going to come up again if/when you move in with someone else. Prepare to have to deal with it again.

Lex

 

[spreadeagle]

There's nothing to be gained by continuing living with your sister. You moved in because your family threw you out and from your description of your living situation you're heading for a replay of this scenario. Do you have an emotional investment in feeling rejected by your family?

You say you sit in your room all day because you don't know what else to do. What you should be doing is making a step-by-step plan with a timetable showing how you can change the life you live now into the life you want to live. When you have made the plan you need to start implementing it.

Life is not just something that happens to us, it is what we actively (and also subconsciously) create. You're not happy with the life you're creating now, so stop blaming and start taking responsibility for the outcomes you experience.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Obviously, you want to move out as soon as your lease is up.

Putting some healthy distance between the two of you will most probably only improve your relationship.

Frankly, having a roommate is often a major pain. (I have never had one, but I have been a very good observer). If you asked me, I'd go for one of the two options:

#1
I'd rent a studio, if I were not able to dish out the cash required for one bedroom.

#2
I'd move in with my BF, once I have one and am reasonably comfortable sharing my home with him. (That of course, brings two incomes together and possibly a potential to pay for a bigger, better place.)

---
Basically, once you reach a certain age, it is either being on your own or being with your partner. Other people really do not fit in.

Just my 2 cents.

SC

 

[Riverrick]

Your relationship with your sister will probably improve once you move out. She was very helpful and supportive of you when you came out to your parents so I think you guys have at least a decent underlying relationship. But becoming roommates can destroy that rapidly.

Find a way out. Keep in mind that your next roommate may not be any better but at least you won't be fucking up a family relationship. And with the next roommate, you may feel more able to speak your mind.

BTW, nice to hear an update.

 

[rareboy]

I would reiterate; you should consider additional education, if only to improve your composition and communication skills. If you are somewhat skilled and interested in math, find an extension course you could take.

You actually sound plumb lazy when it comes to making an effort to grow up and meet other people and function in society as an adult. I have suggested you volunteer your time somewhere, or if you are not feeling generous, then join some organization or group that gets together and has the same interests as you.

You might consider going to a gym and spending some time getting yourself in better physical condition.

While I get an even stronger sense from your reply that there were significant problems in your household while you were growing up and that you have never been encouraged to achieve your full potential, it is up to you as an adult to turn this around.

I can guarantee you that if your life is only a dead end job and then sitting in your room the rest of the time, it is an empty and sterile existence. You can do better.

 

[luminum]

If you feel that staying will be a detriment to your relationship with your sister, then I think you should move out.

 

[justsimon]

I'm currently looking for a renter for my extra room and I've made it very clear that I won't let any of my good friends move in. There's just something about living with a person you care about that makes you hate them.

I'd find something else.

 

[douseiai]

this post has probably more issues that i would like to specifically address then most of the others and that is the only reason i am quoting it...

I would reiterate; you should consider additional education, if only to improve your composition and communication skills. If you are somewhat skilled and interested in math, find an extension course you could take.

You actually sound plumb lazy when it comes to making an effort to grow up and meet other people and function in society as an adult. I have suggested you volunteer your time somewhere, or if you are not feeling generous, then join some organization or group that gets together and has the same interests as you.

You might consider going to a gym and spending some time getting yourself in better physical condition.

While I get an even stronger sense from your reply that there were significant problems in your household while you were growing up and that you have never been encouraged to achieve your full potential, it is up to you as an adult to turn this around.

I can guarantee you that if your life is only a dead end job and then sitting in your room the rest of the time, it is an empty and sterile existence. You can do better.

I am considering additional education... I simply cannot afford it until I actually get my citizenship down. I would pay approx $20 more per credit (math classes are high credit) because I have not been a citizen of texas for more then 1 year. Also I hate math. I dispise it and am horrible at it, I am however quite the linguist, I speak 1 language fluently, 2 others enough to get by should I be stuck in their countries, and far to many variety of phrasings in about 5 other languages. My english skills are better then most, however I only apply them when needed. I am not a professional person and don't feel the need to press any skill towards making these posts more then eligible.

I am working on making new friends and trying to grow up... your new to hearing about me... I have been quite antisocial since the age of 15 as well as depressed I don't easily make friends because I never had to. I met some guys at church that I went to school for a year with and ended up befriending one then through him befriended another... thus ended up with a total of 4 really good friend from 15-20.... most find it remarkable that I have done the things I have done... though my changes are slow. I used to be the lazy guy that was 5 minutes late to work almost everyday. I am now the opposite, I am rarely less then 15 minutes early to work and have been one of the best employees on my team. I used to be that white guy that just kinda showed up and you never knew if they were stoned or not, now I am the guy that gets the job done right. I have rather shocked my parents at my endevour to work for Apple.

As far as social changes I have made few friends and have joined groups that share my interest. They are mostly close groups of friends and I am the new guy so being the shy, nervous person that I am, I was a tad worried that they weren't accepting me to much.

On to your point about the gym... I am not yet a full employee of Apple. I technically work for a temp agency that brings people in for Apple and I have a chance to be hired. I have worked very hard and have changed a lot to do better at my job. I am slowly and slightly making friends at Apple (which was hard until the 10th of feb when I turned 21 and could actually go out with them) I am also working extremely hard to get hired onto Apple; for many reasons. One of my top however is that they have a gym on sight that is free for Apple employees to work which I have every intention of joining and attending regularly once I am fully hired, I have even worked out how I could put it into my schedule.

There was a lot that went on in my household. I was homeschooled from 13-15 when I graduated high school to then go to college at 16 where I was the guy that was left out of everything, cause I was 16 they were all 20ish.

And finally.... When I stated is all I do is sit in my room, that is purely when I'm home. I can assure you that I am home maybe 2 or 3 nights of the week. This is especially because I am now 21 and have fulfilled my promise to myself of no drinking till 21. Now that I have become a social drinker people like me more and spend more time with me. In fact just last night I went to MY (stressing the my cause my sister doesn't really know him) friends house since for the past month he has been having troubles and stayed the night having fun drinking and messing around (especially with a very cute very drunk guy which happened after My friend went to bed)

I am more then happy to do the jobs to which I am assigned, and I do them. If you ask me nicely to do your job then I would probably do it, as I do weekly with my sisters laundry. The majority of the matter is she was home plenty of times and could have done it, she chose not to. It was not my responsibility and I didn't care, I didn't have a schedule that enabled me a time where I saw fit to handle it. Working 1pm to 10pm has its advantages, mostly because we get paid a dollar more and hour, but it certainly does not help with house work or social life. For the next few weeks I will be 9:30am to 6:30pm which will work much better for both.