Angry Vs Turned on

[james147258]

So here's the deal. Me and my boyfriend having been together for 4 years. I seem to have a huge fetish for him cheating. Every time I think he's cheating or he mentions a hot guy he works with I get aroused.

However, here's the problem. I really want him to cheat, I want to find out he's been sucked of or fucked someone because I'm so aroused by it. But I think that when I've finished and the arousal is over I will be very angry at him and it will hurt the relationship

I know people mention talking to him, but I feel if he knows I like it it may give him the green light to do it (if he is tempted at all, I'm not sure if he would cheat on me).

It's killing me because I can't win either way. I so badly want him to go out and fuck guys (I'm not sure how I'd find out) but at the same time i'm worried.

IS there any easy option, can I provoke him to cheat on me etc?

 

[eastofeden]

Well...here you go

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/433215-I-want-my-guy-to-cheat-on-me-behind-my-back

You should talk to each other....

The part about you getting angry afterward is odd. Why would you get angry at him if you want him to do it? I don't understand. Is there a specific reason you would be angry?

 

[james147258]

I think the anger part is what everyone else feels. Everyone gets angry if they are cheated on because essentially it's still cheating. They still went behind your back. So it's mixed feelings

 

[lambdaboy]

See a Therapist. It is one thing to be cool about an OPEN RELATIONSHIP, but you need help big time!

 

[eastofeden]

I think the anger part is what everyone else feels. Everyone gets angry if they are cheated on because essentially it's still cheating. They still went behind your back. So it's mixed feelings

Well...not necessarily. Not everyone. I would not necessarily be angry if someone I loved had sex with someone else..I would be angry if they lied to me about it.

Also...the way you framed this...it is you who WANTS it to happen because it turns you on...so that changes the dynamics quite a bit as most of the people who would be angry don't WANT it to happen.

I think it might actually be a good question to ask a qualified therapist for that specific reason.

 

[Seasoned]

I get what you're saying and it makes sense to me. Of course it's possible to have two or more emotions at the same time and even when we want something to happen we can be sad, hurt or angry that it did.

The fact that you're predicting the outcome would seem to be a good indicator that those would be the feelings you'd face. Perhaps things have gotten a bit mundane. If that's the case there are all sorts of ways short of him cheating to bring back the spark.

 

[aaron200819]

So here's the deal. Me and my boyfriend having been together for 4 years. I seem to have a huge fetish for him cheating. Every time I think he's cheating or he mentions a hot guy he works with I get aroused.

However, here's the problem. I really want him to cheat, I want to find out he's been sucked of or fucked someone because I'm so aroused by it. But I think that when I've finished and the arousal is over I will be very angry at him and it will hurt the relationship

I know people mention talking to him, but I feel if he knows I like it it may give him the green light to do it (if he is tempted at all, I'm not sure if he would cheat on me).

It's killing me because I can't win either way. I so badly want him to go out and fuck guys (I'm not sure how I'd find out) but at the same time i'm worried.

IS there any easy option, can I provoke him to cheat on me etc?

I feel the same way with my guy. truly i know what you are going through is there a way to private message me

 

[james147258]

Thanks for everyones comments. I'd just like to say there is no need for therapy. I think the suggestion of this is a little bit extreme to be honest. I'm not saying this situation is a problem nor is it isn't effecting our relationship. It's merely a sexual part of the relationship.

 

[aaron200819]

Thanks for everyones comments. I'd just like to say there is no need for therapy. I think the suggestion of this is a little bit extreme to be honest. I'm not saying this situation is a problem nor is it isn't effecting our relationship. It's merely a sexual part of the relationship.

thats how i feel also. I got some bad responses on my post in the forum also.

 

[TX-Beau]

So you want him to cheat, then you want to catch him? Or maybe find out some other way that him telling you?

Is it the same turn on if you put yourself in the same room with him and the other guy?

 

[james147258]

I don't think it would work if I was in the same room. I would have to be watching from afar (but to be honest that's a bit drastic even IF the THOUGHT turns me on)

It can be cheating in it's simplest form though - Finding dirty texts he sent, finding that he's had phone sex or cam sex. Even discovering what porn he watches (which isn't cheating at all). These things really get me off

 

[TX-Beau]

I've known guys who like to watch, I like to watch my guy, but I also like to participate. Finding evidence of him with someone else does nothing erotic for me.

What you seem to be saying is that the turn on isn't the act, but the anticipation perhaps? Maybe the bad-boy aspect of it being taboo? I assume you aren't in an open relationship.

People have all kinds of kinks, this one though, unless you really really really understand what the actual knowledge that he's been with someone else will do to you, perhaps you should let it stay fantasy.

Being the guy I am, I've been in a lot of extracurricular and group situations (misspent youth, HA not misspent at all) so let me warn you, the reality is concrete and consequence bearing, and sometimes guys who think they are OK, freak the fuck out. DO NOT jump off the deep end.

You're going to have to talk to him about it before you pursue it. It may be a deal breaker for him, in any event you both need to be on the same page or things will likely go south pretty fast. It's not the same if he cheats on you because he's a cheat. Trust me on that, no matter how much it turns you on, you won't like it after you get off.

I'd say talk to him, see if he's even interested, the fact that you think this might give him the "green light" (which is what you think you want isn't it?) is a red flag.

You might try telling him to make out with someone in a club, then follow, and see how that goes for you, something smaller, just to see what it's going to do to your emotions.