annoyed.. need advice

[KaraBulut]

This is a difficult one. The solution may depend on the source of his drama and whether he wants to change.

At age 20, it's not unusual for guys to be really dramatic. When you're young, you haven't had much experience dealing with life's travails, so everything seems much worse and every crisis seems to be a major crisis.

However, there are people who thrive on drama - either by virtue of the family history or from learning that being dramatic gets them attention. Instead of learning to communicate, be assertive or choose their battles, they have learned these unhealthy behaviors and they don't have healthy behaviors to choose from. In time, they view people who don't respond to their drama as either being "cold" or they argue that they don't feel loved unless they get a dramatic response to their own drama.

You're at a point where you have to decide whether he will/can change. You can try to turn this around and instead of criticizing the behavior that you don't want, you can instead try to encourage/support the behaviors that you do want. But he just may be too young and too inexperienced to be able to develop the non-dramatic behaviors are more compatible with your style.

With that said... maybe you also need to do some thinking about whether your less emotional and rational style is making you miss how your words can hurt people. The example that you gave- of a comment about not seeing yourself with one person- is a perfect example of how something that you saw as innocent and honest really hurt someone that you didn't intend to hurt.

Maybe there's some changes that are needed on your part, too?

 

[BlondeCanadian]

He should have been more mature dealing with what you said, But i too would have taken it slightly amiss if some guy i was practically dating casually said I cant see myself settling down with someone then coming and kissing me like nothing was said. He should have calmly maybe tried to figure out what it is you want from the relationship instead of getting pissed and walking out

 

[Georgiadude]

I'd tell him exactly what I think of his little "hissy fits" and that I'm done putting up with them. Tell him you like him and like being around him but this little act has to stop or your done. I wouldn't have been very happy about that comment either to be honest. I don't think it was very nice of you to say that to the person you are dating. It would make me feel like I wasn't appreciated or wanted.

Sit down with him. Have a heart to heart and let him know the things you like and don't like about him and his actions. Tell him what you meant by your comment and your sorry if it hurt him. Let him know that your done with the theatrics and it's time to grow up. If he has a problem with something you said he needs to talk about it. Not storm out and be a drama queen. I'd give him 1 chance after that. If he doesn't change the next time he walks out. Tell him to keep walking.

Steven.

 

[medic1]

it sounds like he is a little ibsecute about this whole relationship thing,do you
know if he had a bad experience with a previous boyfriend? I dont think that you should be giving yourself such a hard time about any comments you made,though i think it would be a cood idea to sit down with him and explain just how new all
this is to you and that you do sometimes say things that maybe with a little more experience you would not have said.
Also it could just be my friend that you have a high maintenance boyfriend,because from reading your post the whole idea was for him to be there for you to help and offer a little tlc after your appendectomy. Which lets be honest is no fun having said all that there must be something that you like about the guy or you would not be asking for help ,you would be showing him the door with maybe a quick thanx thrown in,maybe as some of the other guys say have a proper sit down talk with him and explain your feelings on this. Though please dont take this the wrong way but there was a small touch of selfishness when you said what about me because i dont want to have to go looking for another boyfriend. I think that if you both sit and talk through what you both think the problems are that will help because him running away all the time is not. Good luck

 

[vidarr]

It's almost seems like he expects you to know what upsets him without him needing to communicate anything. And when you don't pickup on his hints thats when the "theatrics" come out.

But yeah he has to respect if your relationship isn't defined that you are allowed to say and think whatever you want.
Sounds like he wants more commitment from you though...

Good luck

 

[evanrick]

yeah he is being dramatic, also i would not let him dictate the terms of your relationship the way he has been with getting up and leaving and saying shit like "gtfo"

you do need to "grow some" and stop making stupid comments that are essentially "we are not going to be together at some point".

but from what you describe you both sound like pussies who have issues, no offense, cuz we all have issues.

you should just break up, temporarily or permanently, and spare his feelings cuz this is just the tip of the iceberg. maybe you will grow up or find someone else in the mean time, maybe you only "think" you are happy because hes a guy, but at least you are asking for help.

but from what it sounds like, it seems you are ready to move on.

 

[Echoes]

I'm sorry to say this man but I'd break up with him period.

 

[Echoes]

I think there's a certain period of time in which you can edit your post, if that time's up I think you can't. You can ask a moderators though, surely they can help.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks for the advice Echoes.

Can anyone tell me how to edit my original post?

Use the Report Post link to the left side and enter a moderator request indicating what you want edited.