Annoyed with a4a guy

[Cedric]

A few months ago, a guy messaged me on a4a and came on really strong really fast. He seemed like he was really lonely and looking for an instant deep connection. He started pouring his soul into his messages, saying that I was the only one who bothered to return his messages... that no other guys on this site ever give him the time of day... that we live only a few blocks away and he wished that we were strolling down the street and talking in person right now instead of online... yadda, yadda, yadda....

I wasn't interested in him romantically or sexually at all, but I was willing to try being friends with him... at least have a coffee with him. He creeped me out a bit, but I was willing to see if a friendship would work with him. I was always nice and polite with him.

Then as quickly as he started up with me, he stopped returning my messages and removed me from his friends list.

Nowadays, he looks at my profile every time we are online at the same time, and I get annoyed when I see that he clicked on my profile.

Does anyone have any explanation for this type of behavior? Trust me, I'm glad the creep is no longer communicating with me, but this behavior seems so irrational.

 

[Seasoned]

He's got issues. Does he know who you are? It would creep me out if I thought he knew who I was.

 

[Cedric]

Lucky, you're right. Life is too short to speculate about the inexplicable actions of others.

Seasoned, I don't think he knows who I am. Even though we only live about 2 blocks from each other, things are so anonymous in this city that it's possible never to know 99% of your neighbors. I didn't recognize his face, but then again, it's possible that people use face pics that are not their own.

I've probably spent more time being annoyed with this whole thing than it's worth, so I'll stop thinking about it now.

 

[Georgiadude]

why not just block him and move on. He sounds unstable and it's good to be rid of him. I've had to block a few people on there and it works very well.

I am curious how you know that you live only a few blocks apart. Did you talk about where you live. Not exact addresses but general areas? I'd probably avoid doing that in the future until your sure the person your talking to isn't another nut job.

Hope things work out for you.

Steven.

 

[mbamike]

^My thoughts exactly. BLOCK HIM!

 

[MoltenRock III]

If this upsets you I think it's time to stop using a4a and similar services.

 

[slnattak]

You're a type of person that's always in control. You like a safe distance with people, where you can help them out and give advice and never 'lose your cool.'

He's not like that. He's the dork that loves other people.

And so it's a personality clash. You want somebody who gets your heart drip by drip, he wants love that pours out fast and strong all at once like a waterfall.

Of course it's irrational. He has a crush on you.

He has a crush on you because you are too tact with people, and you can't do this with sensitive, emotional gay men because they will confuse that with interest. The poor guy is probably used to people treating him like shit his entire life, but you believe in treating people with diplomacy.

You're like the socially friendly lawyer who sticks up for the loser just one time (after he gets in trouble) and the loser falls in love because he's not used to being treated as anything other than the lowest of dirt. Don't get offended but your post sounded smug and self-righteous to me, like Buffy at her worst. I mean, it's not really your responsibility to fix up the Johnathons of the world. You claimed you wanted to be his friend but that was a load of shit. You think he's a creep and you obviously aren't fond of this guy at all yet you want to friend him? You have misguided empathy.

In today's rude culture, one shouldn't be surprised that good manners and politeness and basic respect gets confused with romantic interest. You yourself shouldn't be surprised that other people who are as less rigid as you will fall for this. You are more or less patting yourself on the back because you are a likeable guy and you enjoy being socially respectable.

You are also obviously trolling people's empathy in a clever way and you really don't give a shit about this, and you just want to be socially stimulated. It's okay though. But I see right through you. XD

 

[SuperDave]

Did you give an indication of who you are? Failing that who knows, I agree just block and move on.

There a lot of creepy and weird people on these kinds of sites sadly.

 

[slnattak]

Why do people want brownie points just for having empathy and being nice to the loser. It's really repulsive. Can't you just let the weirdo die alone. I feel sorry for him too but I don't want to.

Blah. I don't know. Can we talk about how hot men's assholes are or something?

 

[slnattak]

And guess what the same thing is gonna get done to you... (I don't mean in a ha! gotcha way but 'it's interesting isn't it' way)

You yourself will have a crush on a really good looking handsome man that's hotter than 10 straight dudes combined. You will swear that it's rational and that you are playing your cards right and you are not being too ideal, romantic, mystical or 'faggy.' You will swear that you are being cool, collected, calm, rational and sensible about your romantic interests, unlike other people. You will say how great the relationship will be because you both have jobs and don't live your life on the internet like a LOSER and that you are sooo scientific and rational and level-headed about this stuff.



And he too will feel sorry for you about something, and is just being nice to you because he feels sorry for you- but the serious thought of being romantic with you makes him ill. And you will get your heart broken and probably do something really embarrassing, feminine, drag queen and girly that makes other gay men not find you attractive 'cause you are reminding them of what they don't like about themselves hehe.

This is just how people treat each other. It's sad. =/

Yet I wouldn't want it any other way. Doesn't matter if it fails every time, to be hit with cupid's arrow is a divine experience. "You're gonna be good, I bet"

 

[TX-Beau]

slnattak your dating problems are not a template for everyone.

to the OP. Walk away. There isn't really anything else to discuss.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Slntalk, you're projecting.

 

[Cedric]

why not just block him and move on. He sounds unstable and it's good to be rid of him. I've had to block a few people on there and it works very well.

I am curious how you know that you live only a few blocks apart. Did you talk about where you live. Not exact addresses but general areas? I'd probably avoid doing that in the future until your sure the person your talking to isn't another nut job.

Hope things work out for you.

Steven.

Thanks. This is good advice! We did chat about where we lived. Not exact addresses but intersections. I'm at the corner of D and B, and he's at the corner of D and N just 2 blocks down. The population density is so high here that I didn't think anything of it, but you're right.... Better to keep that info out of the question until I'm sure the other person I'm chatting with checks out all sane.

 

[Georgiadude]

Thanks. This is good advice! We did chat about where we lived. Not exact addresses but intersections. I'm at the corner of D and B, and he's at the corner of D and N just 2 blocks down. The population density is so high here that I didn't think anything of it, but you're right.... Better to keep that info out of the question until I'm sure the other person I'm chatting with checks out all sane.

Your welcome. Hope it works out for you.

Steven

 

[palemale]

Lucky, you're right. Life is too short to speculate about the inexplicable actions of others.

Seasoned, I don't think he knows who I am. Even though we only live about 2 blocks from each other, things are so anonymous in this city that it's possible never to know 99% of your neighbors. I didn't recognize his face, but then again, it's possible that people use face pics that are not their own.

I've probably spent more time being annoyed with this whole thing than it's worth, so I'll stop thinking about it now.

I live in NYC, and things aren't always so anonymous here. I've been contacted on-line by a friend who was half of a couple (he didn't realize it was me, and I blocked him). I don't want to hook up with guys in my gym, but have been contacted by some of them. One guy who contacted me on-line came on to me in the steam room (I guess he didn't recognize me in only a towel, he never saw my face on-line). I've seen lots of guys I know on-line. A buddy of mine told me a married guy he works with opened his face pic on-line. Another buddy of mine wanted to do a 3some. I suggested a guy who wanted to hook up with me. When they opened their pics, they knew each other. Very embarrassing.

 

[Cedric]

I live in NYC, and things aren't always so anonymous here. I've been contacted on-line by a friend who was half of a couple (he didn't realize it was me, and I blocked him). I don't want to hook up with guys in my gym, but have been contacted by some of them. One guy who contacted me on-line came on to me in the steam room (I guess he didn't recognize me in only a towel, he never saw my face on-line). I've seen lots of guys I know on-line. A buddy of mine told me a married guy he works with opened his face pic on-line. Another buddy of mine wanted to do a 3some. I suggested a guy who wanted to hook up with me. When they opened their pics, they knew each other. Very embarrassing.

Your message made me laugh in a sympathetic way. Yes, the world can be small. (I have also seen people at my gym on these sites.) I purposefully put up pics that don't resemble me in real life for that reason (I'm small and nerdy but appear hyper-masculine in my online profile through strategic camera angles and lighting and muscle flexing), but I'm sure there may be people out there who know who I am online.