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Another Straight guy thread.

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So I have this friend named K that moved to Oklahoma 3 years ago, I live in Alabama and as did he at one point in time, i've known him for 4 years and he's the closest person i've ever had in my life besides my mom.

He knows im gay, and I told him I liked him 3 years ago when we were 16, when I told him this he reacted positively, he said that he was cool with it and that he didn't want it to make things awkward and that people couldn't help who they liked or fell in love with. He's just a genuinely cool person like that.

Strangely we got even closer after that, about 2 weeks after telling him that i liked him, he wanted to come down and stay with me for awhile to visit, so he stayed for about 2 weeks and left the day before christmas in 2006. During his visit he would be really flirty with me, come up behind me and put his arms around me, tell me he loved me and so on and so on. His body language was telling me that he loved me, but he wasn't telling me that himself, I flirted back but it never went to any level above flirting around.

After he left after that visit he met a girl named L that I really don't like, not because i'm jealous because i'm not a jealous person at all, but because she treats him like crap, she just testified against him in court and sent him to jail for 25 days over a fight he got into because of her 2 years ago. And they are still together, He says he doesn't know if he wants to be with her though, that he's still trying to figure things out.

Well that's the background, fast forward to now. 3 years later. he still comes down and stays with me for a couple of weeks every 6-8 months, I just got back from Oklahoma last week, it was my first time going up there to visit him, we both are now twenty and we act just the same as we did 4 years ago, he still has the same flirty behavior and I want so bad for things to go somewhere but I don't know if they will. He is still with L to, though he acts like he doesn't want to be but at the same time acts like he does want to be.

But i'm stuck, he wants me to move up there soon, he's getting his own place and said he would have me a job and everything whenever I wanted to come. I said I would at the time (only because i'm still in love with him) I just had to save up some money first and talk it out with the parents, well I did and it looks like i'm set to move up there within the next 5-6 months.

But I don't know if it would be the best thing for me, i'm already stuck on him enough and have spent the last 4 years with him in my dreams and would do anything to be with him because he's the sweetest person i've ever met. But as far as I know he's straight and he will remain that way untill I hear something otherwise coming from his mouth.

I just don't want to throw the rest of my life away by moving out to the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma when all I might get is hearbreak. It's really hard to say no though, it's like a dream come true, living out in the plains with the man of my dreams, but this could be emotionally devastating for me. Please give me some advice. I just really don't know what to do.

If anyone needs anymore details I will elaborate.
 
Well, let me clear some of the brush away.

You're gay.
You're out (at least to him).
He says he's still straight.

MIGHT something happen between you? Sure, it's possible. But he apparently still thinks he's straight, so at best, it'd be an occasional "fool around" between girlfriends, or on the side.

Mind you, all that simply MIGHT happen. Chances are nothing will happen at all.

Given that, I don't think there's any reason to follow him. I'd focus on finding a guy who actually DOES want to get into a physical relationship with you. Not just maybe kinda sorta "and thanks for the attention", but really.

Lex
 
Pour your heart out to him. He doesn't want to hurt you anymore than you want to hurt him. Let him know what your reservations are. My guess? He'll listen and be supportive. If you find you have no chance you'll begin to move on, too. Good luck to you.
 
That's the thing that kills me, he never said he didn't like me like that, he just said it was ok for me to like him. How do you act flirty with someone you know is in love with you. I know he doesn't do it for the attention, he gets attention from the ladys everywhere he gos, he doesn't need me for that and he wouldn't do that, he's to good of a person to work somebody over for a reason like that. Ughh....this decision is so hard and it's just getting harder.
 
Wow. I think you should do as soreknees says and tell him that you still have feelings for him and they have gotten stronger over time. You should also find out from him exactly how he feels about you. Ask him why he flirts with you so much. I think you should find out for certain if there is a chance for anything romantic between you two before you go live with him.

I hope it works out for you whichever way it goes.;)
 
This is all very Brokeback Mountain.

That story didn't end well. This story probably won't end well, either.

It would be one thing if there was any evidence of a romantic relationship between you and this guy. But there isn't. It's a good friendship, nothing more. Why doesn't he move?

It's time that you got your own life and your own future. It's fine to have fantasies but not at the expense of reality.
 
Unless otherwise provn, he's straight. That is what "my book" always says! You are blessed to have such a great friend.

...though if you have to ask the question here, you already know the answer ;-)
 
some men flirt a lot with everybody and they're touchy feely men too.

You have ZERO evidence he's gay and even less that he's sexually attracted to you. You would think after all that visiting he'd at least suggest you guys watch straight porn together.
 
Personally, I don't think a straight guy would go to visit with his out, gay friend for 2 weeks at a time, every 6 to 8 months. Hell, some people have long distance "relationships" that have less together time than that.

But you're still not going to like my advice, AsOne20.

You see, you have to make the next move. He's not going to. If he is gay (I'm betting there's an 80%+ chance he is), he's definitely not comfortable with it.

So, don't mention the 'gay' word or the 'homosexual' word or the 'queer' word. Just don't put it into English, OK? Just touch him. Give him a back rub. Give him a massage. Make him enjoy the touch of a man, but in a "legitimate" way in case anyone sees or asks ("it was just a back rub").

You think you're scared? He's even more scared than you are. You're brave enough to admit you're gay, but he's not. So you need to go slowly. Don't ask him to do anything (not at first, anyway--you don't want a boyfriend that leaves everything up to you). And don't discuss what you're doing in gay terms. You're just friends for now.

But keep pushing the envelope. A back rub. Then a massage. Maybe a foot massage or a head/scalp massage. Get him used to your touch. If he really wants this, he won't object. It's a legitimate 'out' for him.

I think I had a blog post about this a while back.

Note: I am not encouraging you to convert a straight guy, as that is impossible. If he starts distancing himself from you, he probably is straight. At that point you're screwed, and not in a good way.

But my guess is he won't pull back.
 
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