Any advice?

[Sir_Bob]

Hi all!

So this is my first post (I think)... I've been a member for ages, but just been looking at the advice given to others etc...

So here's my predicament - I'm a quiet, shy kinda guy with low (ish) self esteem - never really liked the way I look. I've always known I was gay, but it's taken a long time for me to come to terms with it, and consequently I'm in my early 20's and not had a relationship.

Recently I've decided to put myself out there and get on a dating website. Which is fab, and from there I've met with a guy that, on paper at least, I should get along with like a house on fire! But It kinda hasn't happened like that. We chat over the internet, and (I'm not the greatest conversationalist so) there's been gaps in convesations, or they've been slow...

I've also met with him a couple of times but I don't think there's any sexual tension between us, but we get along well - Looking in the future I kinda see us a friends more that anything else- but I also feel that it could develop into a great relationship, which if I'm honest I want. However, it's slow, and there isn't (I don't think) a fantastic connection between us - fair ammount of silence, and quite frankly I think he could do better!

So here's the predicament. I want a relationship, and I don't want to have to start again on the website chatting to guys that'll just say no because of my looks or because I'm quiet. I'm always attracted to guys who I don't think would look twice at me. So should I carry on with this guy, which I'd quite like to do - to see where it goes, or should I look for someone that I can't keep my hands off? Also having never been in a relationship what kind of timeframes are normal (date wise) for things to start happening, first kiss... As I have come away from the times we've met feeling bad because I expected more to happen. - oh and how much eye contact is 'usual' for someone interested in you?

I feel kinda bad aswell because I have no idea what he thinks, or where he is in terms of wanting a relationship (which is where I am), and (I know it sounds bad) but I don't want to waste my time - I have very little over the summer until I start my new job and have no free time.

Any help would be much appreciated, I'm aware that it's a lot to wade through, and it may not make sence. Just say if it doesn't - my head is a bit of a mess as this year has been tough!

 

[G-Lexington]

It sounds like you don't have much chemistry here. Or, possibly, if a relationship does happen, you're going to be doing all the heavy lifting. You don't seem to be feeling it after several conversations and a couple in-person meets. I've say you've given it a go, and it's not happening. So be it. Call him a friend, and move on.

>>>So here's the predicament. I want a relationship, and I don't want to have to start again on the website chatting to guys that'll just say no because of my looks or because I'm quiet...

Forgive the language, but too fucking bad. Relationship rarely "happen". Yeah, sometimes you meet someone, and everything instantly clicks. Those are the ones they make movies out of, and if one happens, killer. But that's not how it works most of the time - quite often, it's quite dull (to read about). You meet someone, you click somehow, you mabye meet a few times, you're somewhat interested, you call, you get more interested, you go on dates, you start kissing, you have sex, and you're in a relationship. There's no magic moment or "love at first sight".

So put yourself out there. Strike up some conversations. And I don't see why you can complain that some guys will say no because you're "quiet". Sounds like that's your main problem with this other guy.

Lex

 

[CtBoyWonder]

If this guy turns out to be just a good friend. Nothing wrong with that.
In fact it would be a good thing to have a guy friend that is gay that isn't
your boyfriend. My best friend I met online 12 years ago. I don't remember
if I originally met him to hook up or I knew just for friends. But here we
are 12 years later and are still friends. I would say, don't be discouraged
if a relationship didn't develop from this. But try to become friends with this
guy.

 

[On The Edge]

can totally relate..had something similar..where it seemed more of a friendship..I yeah I wondered about should I start over again..with the chatting..though I haven't done it again..will eventually..

I think the only way to find a good relationship..is to go through it..& see which one clicks with u..I doubt it's gonna ever just come instantly..with the 1st few... trial & error ....good luck ..

 

[bankside]

Low self esteem means having a negative opinion of yourself that you don't deserve. Do not let his friendship/romantic interest be a victim of your low self esteem. So, when you say he deserves better, is that really the case or is that low self esteem talking. Keep in mind if he likes you, you have no business arguing with him. You only have to decide if you feel the same way.

By the way, a fantastic thing for higher self esteem is doing something about the things that bother you. If you think your hair looks bad, get a proper salon cut. If you think your wardrobe doesn't suit you, see a proper tailor. If you don't like your fitness level, don't read this thread, go for a walk.

 

[Sir_Bob]

Thanks for the help guys. I still don't know what to do though. I think I will leave it this week, see where things go - and if he contacts me first, yeah it's a kinda game but it should tell me if he likes/is interested in me - because I think I've been "obvious" enough so that he knows i'm interested in him.

I'm also thinking of talking to him about it - asking him if he's interested in me and (not using these words) if it's going anywhere! Is this a good idea? - esp this early on? Would it possibly put him off - I think he's after a relationship though...

 

[G-Lexington]

You can ask, but I think you already have your answer. Even if both of you are interested in having a relationships, I don't think you can force one if the chemistry isn't there.

Lex

 

[spencer]

no point in being exclusive even if you're dating him. date others and him and have fun. if it works out with him then so be it.