Anyone deal with Social Anxiety?

[pianodude]

Hi guys,

I'm wondering if any other people here have dealt with Social Anxiety. I'm 19 and I've been socially anxious since middle school. Right now I feel like I'm at my lowest point. I'm going back to Uni. next week which will put me in an environment where I will have to face it head on or seclude myself. I don't want the latter to happen but I'm not sure how to really deal with it.

I am still in the closet but before summer break I did come out to a trusted (female) friend. We are both able to talk to each other about being gay, so that has been such a relief. I think that coming out to her was a step in the right direction toward facing some of my anxiety issues, but my anxiety is just so high, I need to do more in addressing it.

I guess I'm curious what others have done to overcome their social anxiety.

 

[kevin7620]

This can really be a difficult thing to overcome. I've had problems with this too, and it has certainly interfered with my personal life. Even now, I admit that I'm very self-conscious and often worry about what *my peers* think of me. For some reason, I do really well with everyone else (people older than me, younger than me, in positions of authority over me, etc... it's just something about dealing with peers that I find difficult).

I would say that seeking help from a psychologist or psychiatrist would be very helpful, though I admit that I haven't done anything like that myself...

 

[nditalynow]

pianodude, I've experienced "social anxiety disorder" for most of my life. After many years of being on medication and many years of therapy I can say I'm much better at dealing with social situations than when I was younger. However, my issues are much more complicated than just social anxiety. I think Kevin gave you some good advice. Seek the help of a professional in that area. I think you will be happy you did. Best of luck to you!!

 

[looseliam]

My ex suffered from this. It's what drove us apart.

From my knowledge, without professional assistance and/or medication, it will not get much better. I'm no expert, though.

 

[pureimagination]

I just addressed someone's else's thread about panic attacks and my experience has been applicable to your experience, as well. In my reply to them, I recommended a book called Man's Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl, because of his healing modality called "logotherapy." This may or may not be what you want to hear, but for most people who suffer from social anxiety (or any number of different anxieties,) the majority of the problem is in your head. People who suffer from this (especially those of us who are highly sensitive) tend to exacerbate the problem more by simply thinking about it and building it up in our minds. The body follows the mind is not just a cute saying: Your body is reacting to the imagined stress that you mind is creating.
In it's simplest explanation, logotherapy is based on confronting your fear by putting yourself in the exact situation(s) that you fear the most. Believe me, when I first read about this, I thought "Oh God, there is no way I can do this" and "How can anything so simple work?" But, it does. By doing this, you take away the power you have been feeding this anxiety. The more you do it, the stronger you get. And the stronger you get, you also start to realize the wasted energy you've been giving up for this. In logotherapy, you also have a technique when you begin to have an anxiety or panic attack. When you start to feel overwhelmed, you start a dialogue in your head that goes something like this; "Oh God, I'm feeling overwhelmed. People are starting to stare at me. Oh God, I'm going to make a fool of myself. Then they are all going to laugh at me. And make fun of me. And I'm going to pass out. And I'm going to faint. And I'm going to be embarrassed. And..... etc etc etc." In essence, what you do is take all the absurdity of that phobia and basically make fun of it.
There are two factors in my own experience that helped me: (1)I got to the point where I was sick of this (anxiety) running my life and (2)When I finally thought "What's the worst that can happen?" ...."I pass out?....So what!... Who cares!" But, the irony is, it's never happened--I haven't fainted or passed out or had a heart attack or whatever else my mind can freak out about.
I hope what I've written helps you and anyone else out there. Believe me, it works if you give it a chance and some time. Within 6 months, I was pretty much over my attacks, because I just kept putting myself in those uncomfortable situations over and over.
Don't lose your power to anxiety!
Good Luck!

 

[gaz1978]

I've had this for years. A lot of it is personality type. I'm an introvert and my natural state is staying out of big social situations!

 

[teh_nathan]

I identify with gaz1978 - same thing here for me.
I also used to live in a huge city and I couldn't stand the crowds. I'm not one for people though I'm trying to change that joining a social group or two.

 

[confusedboy23]

This can really be a difficult thing to overcome. I've had problems with this too, and it has certainly interfered with my personal life. Even now, I admit that I'm very self-conscious and often worry about what *my peers* think of me. For some reason, I do really well with everyone else (people older than me, younger than me, in positions of authority over me, etc... it's just something about dealing with peers that I find difficult).

I would say that seeking help from a psychologist or psychiatrist would be very helpful, though I admit that I haven't done anything like that myself...

I identify with Kevin. It is usually easier for me to deal with "outside" people than to deal with my "peers". It's probably something to do with being self-conscious. Hmmm.....

 

[Kurn]

With me, frankly, it's been a matter of such constant failure in the realms of conventional success that I've been afraid sometimes to try if I'm not sure that I can give things their all. What gets in my way is a sort of risk-failure paradox.
But meditating has helped a lot!

 

[donatello]

I'm going back to Uni. next week which will put me in an environment where I will have to face it head on or seclude myself. I don't want the latter to happen but I'm not sure how to really deal with it.

This was me last year. I suffer a lot from social anxiety and have no self confidence at all - and the last year of my life became really fucked up thanks to my problems. however 2 recent things have helped A LOT -

1, having counseling. i've been on medication for a while but counseling has helped so much

2, finally accepting that i'm gay, and i can't hide away from it. and then coming out to everyone a few months ago. wow, that felt amazing. i guess a lot of self confidence issues and depression for me stem from being unsure of myself. i feel a lot more positive about life right now, and am actually really looking forward to uni this year. i hope things will be different now.

 

[PhunkSpunk]

Medication can help, though the standard of care is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is essentially an extremely involved self-monitoring program. This is usually best done in the setting of psychotherapy.

It has a physiologic component: you may have a very sensitive autnomic nervous system. There's a nuture componant: perhaps you came from an unstable home and are prone to 'catastrophic thinking'.

But whatever its causes, CBT +/- meds (SSRIs (zoloft, lexapro, etc) buspar) is highly effective in overcoming this problem.