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Apologizing to a Straight Man

K

kaos66iii

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Regardless of what is going on in your life, you have no right trying to force yourself on someone who is not interested. You made a pass at this guy, he told you no and yet you pesisted? You are the one in the wrong and you should tell him and your friend that you are sorry. Just because this guy is straight, doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings and rights. You would be pissed off and hurt if someone did you wrong, and don't try using the fact that you are gay as an excuse. Besides, why would you try to seduce a straight guy? This fascination some gay and bi guys have with straight men is something I just don't get.
 
I don't get it.. is it that difficult to say "sorry"?

Pride like these doesn't bring you anywhere, y'know.
 
forster said:
So, do you guys agree? Or would you apologize to a straight man?
Click to expand...

No. Yes, apologize and move on.
 
Should you apologize? Yes. Should you care? Yes. John is not the reason your life is not going well right now. Because your life is difficult, does that mean you should lose concern for others, especially if you're the one who caused them discomfort? When your life is in the toilet, that is exactly when you should hold onto your ability to feel something for others--if you can't care for him after causing his situation, why should anyone care about you and the situation you are in?

You should also consider apologizing because Kate brought him around you thinking you are her friend and she can trust you. When you crossed the line with John and made him uncomfortable, you disappointed her. She doesn't just want you to apologize for his sake, she also wants you to apologize so she can keep thinking of you as a friend--just one who made a mistake, as opposed to one who doesn't care that he acted inappropriately.

Apologize to them both, mean it, and then commend yourself for maintaining the ability to care about others even while your own life is stressful.

And then talk to someone about how you're feeling about your life right now. Don't do anything to hurt yourself.(*8*)
 
Of course you should apologise you over stepped the mark and made John feel awkward.
 
You're lucky John didn't break your jaw. It sounds like John was the bigger man in this story.
 
Regardless of your state of mind, there shouldn't have been a question in your head about aplogizing in the first place.
 
Straight guys are always hitting on women and seldom apologize for their behavior. When alcohol is mixed into the equation they can get pretty overbearing, and it's normal male behavior, so why should you be held to a higher standard?.
If John is going to be a fairly permanent part of your lives, and the time and place are right, then apologize if you're comfortable with that.
If not, don't worry about it and get on with your own life, but be more careful the next time you're in a similar situation.
 
unclaimedblessing said:
Straight guys are always hitting on women and seldom apologize for their behavior. When alcohol is mixed into the equation they can get pretty overbearing, and it's normal male behavior, so why should you be held to a higher standard?.
If John is going to be a fairly permanent part of your lives, and the time and place are right, then apologize if you're comfortable with that.
If not, don't worry about it and get on with your own life, but be more careful the next time you're in a similar situation.
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You shouldn't sink to the levels of pigs. And violating someone's personal space isn't normal behavior.

Putting your hands on someone who didn't want you to touch them isn't acceptable.
I wouldn't touch anyone if they didn't want me to touch them.

Some people really don't like unwelcome physical contact. I am one of those people.

You are telling this guy that his behavior is acceptable because some straight guys do it. It's not.
 
The point I was trying to make is that hitting on women is almost a rite of passage for straight men.
John should realize the OP found him sexually attractive and gave it a shot.
Why should a gay man "putting the moves on" someone he finds attractive (especially if he was loaded) be so heinous an offense when John probably does the same thing to women?
Forgive and forget.
 
Well I'm on your side. You'd been drinking, you were horny, your judgement was skewed and you tried your luck with him.

If anything he should be flattered, he shouldnt be involving your other friend, and how is it any different from a girl he doesn't like trying it on?

Unless he's overly prude, I think he's being ridic.
 
marleyisalegend said:
He invaded John's personal space. I can hardly see how being drunk excuses the behavior. Many places count unwanted sexual advances as sexual harassment, the only reason it isn't that way here is that they weren't in public. We have to stop this attitude that it's okay to go around grabbing any dick we want. It makes us look bad and that's exactly what's used against us "we're immoral sex-fiends that sexualize anything we want and feel no remorse."

I was raised to keep my hands to myself, I never touch someone who doesn't want to be touched, and would never justify it with "he should be flattered" and "I was drunk." Flirting is one thing, but touching crosses the line.
Click to expand...

Well I wasn't brought up that way. I wasnt brought up being taught it's ok to touch whoever you want either, but if it's a mistake and you didn't really mean it, I can't see the harm. I'm not saying he was right to touch him, but in my eyes, alcohol does excuse it. I've let so many friends off for things they've done when they were drunk because I do stupid things when I'm drunk too. But, can't be helped. Which is why I'm on his side.
 
MadeToWreck said:
Sexual harassment is so flattering :luv2:

And using alcohol as an excuse is ridiculous. Of course you don't make a big deal out of stupid things you do with friends but it doesn't make it ok to go feeling up random guys.
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Firstly, @ Marley, JUB isn't court.
Anyway, it's just a difference in opinion.
I can't be bothered to argue abut it, I've touched friends when drunk, friends have touched me when drunk, and the next day it'd be awkward but we would just talk and be like "It was the alcohol talking" and both parties dropped it and we remained friends, except for once when it did progress into something further and we had sex.

I've never touched a stranger when drunk so maybe that's different and why everyones opinion is so different to mine.
 
Okay how about we think out of the box for a minute guys.

To the OP, how would you feel if the roles where reverse and john was a girl and you were john. How would you feel if a girl kept coming on to you and hitting on you and trying to touch you when you told her to stop the first time and said no?
 
marleyisalegend said:
That's why there's discordance, you're taking behavior you do with your friends and applying it to this situation.
Click to expand...

Where else am I to get anything from but my own experiences? Everything I ever give an opinion on is based on my own experiences and life. But now we're just getting into the philosophy of why I said what I said and being pedantic. The fact of the matter is, I gave an opinion, so have other people. Most peoples just happen to oppose mine.
 
It seems most people here seem to think you were in the wrong here. (Count me among their number.) You obviously don't agree.

We've suggested that you apologize even if you don't think you were in the wrong. You strike me as the kind of guy who has too much "pride" to do that - apologize? To a straight guy?

So what to do? Up to you. You can always give him an apology-not-apology to show them how you really think. "Hey, John, about that night about a month ago...I'm really sorry. Really sorry you're so stupid to turn down what would've been the best blow job of your life. Your loss, asshole."

Then you can continue on with your life with all your "pride" intact. You'll have lost your friends, of course, but hey, who needs friends when you got your pride, right?

Lex
 
I'm aghast!
A gay guy got toasted and made a move on a straight guy.
Round up the villagers and their torches.
 
Dude, I don't have to know you. You posted here asking for our opinions. That's what you got. I'm sure you assumed most (if not all) of us would climb on board with you, and say "Yeah, fuck him if he can't handle a little attention from a gay guy." Sorry most of us didn't feel that way.

And your second post does nothing but confirm that perhaps I DO "know" you. You say you're aware you screwed up. That, despite being a good person, you did something you shouldn't have. Fine. Then why run this up the flagpole here? I've screwed up too. I've made people feel like crap. But once I've realized that's what's happened, I try to make it right. And yes, that almost always includes an apology to the person I've wronged. I don't have to weigh it against past behaviors ("I'm a good person in general, so it's OK that I did this"), or how the world works ("This kind of stuff happens all the time, so no biggie that I did it.") I say, "I said and did some stuff I shouldn't have. It was wrong of me, and I'm really sorry I did it. I hope you can forgive me."

My problem with you isn't that you did what you did. I'm not weighing judgment on that. I'm giving you grief because despite knowing that what you did wasn't right, you still don't feel an apology is in order. Some people call that "pride". If you want to call it "stubbornness", be my guest. But it comes down to the same thing.

Lex
 
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