Are most men selfish sexually

[UC3543]

Just in the last 6 months or so I've started having sex with men. I have been with 5 different guys (from ages 24 to 32) over that time period (not real proud of that at all). Up until that time I had only been with women and I must say one of the most striking things just in regards to sex is how selfish men are. Or I should say 4 out of the 5 I've been with.

They want to "get off" and then either fall asleep or lose all sexual desire and they just leave you hanging. Women in my experience are just the opposite.

I can anticipate what most of you are going to say, "if you were in a loving and committed relationship, the selfishness would cease". However, "when you are into these one-night stands, that is the way it is"

Anyone else agree with me though. There has been a couple of times where I said something, like hey what about me man. Couple of times they just said sorry - but didn't do anything to rectify the situation.

I suppose it says more about the guys I've been with then anything - just very selfish by nature. If I'm going to suck you off until you cum, at least have the human decency to suck me or jack me off or at least be in the room.

Any thoughts you might have on this topic would be appreciated. Not sure if this should be in the BI section or not.

 

[G-Lexington]

A lot of gay sex involves "one giving" and "one receiving". And many gay men define their sexuality further by what they get the most pleasure from. Tops and bottoms. There are gay men who get off mainly on GIVING sexual gratification to another guy. (Hell, you heard about the state senator in Florida, right? Who offered an undercover cop $20, and wanted to GIVE him head?) Some jerk themselves off while giving head, others reach orgasm while receiving anal (if done right), what have you.

These guys aren't necessarily just more giving, and the "tops" aren't necessarily more selfish. That's just what they like most. If nothing turns you on like giving a blow job, and nothing turns your partner on like GETTING a blow job, you're a great match.

It would seem that four of the five guys you hooked up with were "tops". And they assumed that you were a bottom. One who got off on giving pleasure to others. It's up to you before you leap into bed to make it clear what it is you're expecting. "I'm versatile. I like to give pleasure, but I also like to get it, too. I'd like to do some of both tonight."

Lex

 

[sixthson]

Sounds like you have an eye for the wrong kind of gay guy.
Are you attracted to bad boys who believe others are on the planet just for their pleasure? You have to decide if you want to continue to just service guys or if you will insist on having 'yours', as well.

Personally, I think that experiencing the pleasure you give your partner is an amazing part of making love. That does not make a person submissive and the other dominant. Sex is meant to be mutually enjoyable, playful and satisfying.
It is not a one way street, unless that is what you choose OR
settle for. Don't ever expect any kind of happy experience with a selfish lover/person.

If you are mature enough for sex, you need to be mature enough to let the guy know what you want and expect out of the experience (I say experience because you are doing one night stands).

Good luck, buddy.

 

[Eagle653]

I know what you are saying, and I've experienced it too. But, I have also experienced guys who were so into having sex with someone else that they practically refused reciprocation for themselves. And, some who both got and gave on an even measure.

Comparing women with one-night-stand men isn't really a comparable measure. For some guys, they come with a lot of psychological baggage about doing it with guys, but do because they're so horny. Once they get their rocks off, they immediately get filled with guilt or shame or some negative energy and want to get away from the situation--or at least turn it into something as non-sexual as possible.

The key, of course, is to find a sexual partner--even as a one-night stand--who's on the same wave length as you. Whether, afterwards, you want to smooch, cuddle, sleep, laugh/joke, or jump up get dressed and get out of there, there are guys whose wave-length that is also. Find them, and you'll have a great experience.

As for women, I know it sounds trite, but they really are wired differently when it comes to sex and what it means and all that. I've been with both, and I'm here to tell you. Of course, that's a generalization (and perhaps even rising to the level of stereotype), but nevertheless, it's been my experience more than not.

 

[backpacker]

Unfortunately there seems to be too many of these guys in the gay community. Please keep in mind, this has been one of the biggest complaints of woman for years, so it's not just a gay thing. The good news is that there are also many guys that aren't that way. You just need to look a little harder to find them. My experience is the ones on the bars that want to jump right into bed are usually the ones with the behavior you don't want.

 

[colemanshs]

I hate to say this, but I'm one of those greedy people. If I'm really into you (like thinking relationship material, etc.) then I really care about your sexual needs.

However, if it's just a hookup, I'm only interested in getting mine. I know that says a lot about me but it's like I just lose interest in everything sexual once I reach orgasm.

 

[UC3543]

However, if it's just a hookup, I'm only interested in getting mine. I know that says a lot about me but it's like I just lose interest in everything sexual once I reach orgasm.

You still should make some type of effort, at least do something. At least watch while the guy jacks or something.

 

[hummer7979]

I read this article about this woman named Norah Vincent who dressed up and learned to act like a man and did so for 18 months to fully experience what it's like to be a man.

Of the many things she found out, she says that unlike for women, she realized how much an instinctual urge it is for men to have sexual gratification. She said she would go with the guy friends she made while incognito into strip clubs and she said that the men who would get off on it almost seemed to not like it, but just physically needed it.

Think of it this way. When you get off on porn, does the porn linger on your mind or do you quickly think of something else after you orgasm (if you don't fall asleep)?

Also do you feel differently about fantasizing about a person if you know that person as a friend rather than some random guy that you've never met and don't care about?

Sex for men is an urge, an addiction that we must satisfy, no matter how dehumanizing and humiliating. That's not to say we aren't capable of meaningful sex, but in the back of our minds, that animal urge is always there, and it's not until after we cum that we realized how meaningless it actually is sometimes.

That's why men are sexually selfish.

 

[UC3543]

I read this article about this woman named Norah Vincent who dressed up and learned to act like a man and did so for 18 months to fully experience what it's like to be a man.

Of the many things she found out, she says that unlike for women, she realized how much an instinctual urge it is for men to have sexual gratification. She said she would go with the guy friends she made while incognito into strip clubs and she said that the men who would get off on it almost seemed to not like it, but just physically needed it.

Think of it this way. When you get off on porn, does the porn linger on your mind or do you quickly think of something else after you orgasm (if you don't fall asleep)?

Also do you feel differently about fantasizing about a person if you know that person as a friend rather than some random guy that you've never met and don't care about?

Sex for men is an urge, an addiction that we must satisfy, no matter how dehumanizing and humiliating. That's not to say we aren't capable of meaningful sex, but in the back of our minds, that animal urge is always there, and it's not until after we cum that we realized how meaningless it actually is sometimes.

That's why men are sexually selfish.

Wow, that is well written and I agree with it 100%. I understand all of that, and I'm the same way.

However I still go back to my comment about "at least try" maybe after you cum you lose that desire, but it is still selfish and just not right what a lot of males do. I finally realize what females have been saying all these years about most of us in a lot of situations. I like to think I'm not selfish that way, even though I might not have the same urge to keep doing things after I orgasm, I feel it is just being a decent human being to give the other person pleasure also. And I don't care if you are in a committed relationship of 15 years or just met the person 10 minutes earlier - it is just being a nice and caring person.

 

[Ryuukie]

Yes, I believe most men are selfish when it comes to sex. Of course, there are exceptions.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Just in the last 6 months or so I've started having sex with men. I have been with 5 different guys (from ages 24 to 32) over that time period (not real proud of that at all). Up until that time I had only been with women and I must say one of the most striking things just in regards to sex is how selfish men are. Or I should say 4 out of the 5 I've been with.

They want to "get off" and then either fall asleep or lose all sexual desire and they just leave you hanging. Women in my experience are just the opposite.

I can anticipate what most of you are going to say, "if you were in a loving and committed relationship, the selfishness would cease". However, "when you are into these one-night stands, that is the way it is"

Anyone else agree with me though. There has been a couple of times where I said something, like hey what about me man. Couple of times they just said sorry - but didn't do anything to rectify the situation.

I suppose it says more about the guys I've been with then anything - just very selfish by nature. If I'm going to suck you off until you cum, at least have the human decency to suck me or jack me off or at least be in the room.

Any thoughts you might have on this topic would be appreciated. Not sure if this should be in the BI section or not.

---


Dude,

You got yourself a completely wrong score here.

By far, most ONS and casual hook-ups are about getting your rocks off in compatible company. The aforementioned ONS and casual hook-ups are not about reciprocation, mutual joy of sex and emotional bonding.

If a dude goes south and start sucking on my dick, it is a foregone conclusion that this is what floats his boat. He may try to invert the roles and if I went south, he'd also assume that this is what I enjoy. If I didn't, he'd know, I am a top dude and he can either carry on with me or move on towards a more versatile dude...

Gay sex is not really about worrying too much about your casual ONS partner getting his rocks off. It is much more about finding a dude, who happens to be very compatible with your needs and plans for that evening. In other words, you want a playmate, who'll be taking care of himself as much as you are taking care of yourself.

No one is out to please other dudes, unless that pleases him in the first place.

SC

 

[drhladnjak]

Maybe I live in some bizarro world, but even with the ONSs I've had--and there have a been a few -- I've found it rare for the other guy to not reciprocate at all. Some were more into giving or receiving, which is to be expected, but only in a couple of rare cases has it been me or the other guy just basically laying there. That sexual animal instinct is selfish, but we humans have big brains that are aware of the importance of reciprocation. It's part of the contract of the hookup. Two people want to get off, so they agree to help each other out. In exchange for your effort, the other guy expends effort on you.