are my old friends over me? am i over them?

[elephunk]

hi guys.

back in high school, a group of us used to be really good friends. we did a lot of extracurriculars together, took the same classes, and hung out with each other outside of all that.

then we went to college. 1 went out of state, 1 went to a school an hour away, and the rest went to the state school. i (and 2 others) went to CC. the friends who went to CC and I became really close. we hung out all the time. we went on trips, spent holidays together, etc. we were still friendly with our other friends, but they were busy living their own life "away at college" while the 3 of us were at home.

so i started to really feel a change in the relationship when i transferred to the state school. i immediately immersed myself the social scene (partying, etc... things that my 2 other friends didn't really care for). i became really involved in a number of activities that took up a lot of time. i still texted them often, but noticed the 2 of them doing a lot of things together that normally the 3 of us would do. i would always ask to be invited (or invite them to my place) and they would never invite me or decline coming by.

we still hung out every now and then, but we weren't as close as before. fast forward, one of them goes to state school (though we go to the same school, we never hang out. i used to text her all the time if she wanted to hang. she never responded or rarely did. i stopped.) and another goes an hour away. the 2 of them seem to still hang out pretty often. i am completely out of the mix.

however, our whole group still gets together every now and then. last year, my friend threw a party for new years. this year, no one has discussed new years plans with each other.

a friend wanted to plan a weekend trip with everyone, but all our schedules conflicted, so we resorted to dinner. but all our schedules conflicted with that, so we resorted to lunch.

to be honest, i'm okay with my friendships with everyone else. we drifted when we went to college, but we're fine when we get together. but my lack of closeness with the 2 I went to CC with bothers me. or it used to more than it does now.

i honestly don't even really care to go to lunch with them anymore. but i'll go. have we all moved from each other and just getting together for the sake of it? do i have a right to feel slighted by the 2 i considered my best friends at one point?

thanks.

 

[kguy3387]

Your experience has been my experience. I've moved on from several groups of friends in my life. Sometimes I don't try to keep in touch and sometimes I try and have it be awkward or one sided. I've had old friendships flare up again then wink out. I sill feel strongly connected to some old friends even though we haven't talked in years. Life moves on and distance, convenience, and circumstance toss us all around.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

It's life, your scope of friends changes.

 

[sixthson]

I think that acquaintances and casual friends often fall by the wayside. True friends do not, even when life leads in different directions, they still find a way to connect.

 

[Orlandude]

It's pretty normal. Close friends I had in high school all drifted away once we went to college. We got togther a couple times during college but it was never the same. Today, I have no idea where my high school friends are and it's kind of sad. We were once inseparable but that's life. After college, I heard some of them married and many moved out of state (including me). I never went to any high school reunions because I lived out of state and the timing never worked out. Everyone changes and moves on. High school and my friends back then are just a memory. I'll never forget those days but they are gone and, I'm sure, we are all very different people than we were back then.

 

[gingentleman]

I have some friends that I am still tight with after 25-30 years. That being said, i have cycled through several groups over the years. Life has a way of changing group dynamics and you must learn to roll with the changes and not obsess over the loss of connection with these folks. You really have no control over other people and their lives will often take them away from you whether you wish it or not, and nothing you can do about it. Learn to enjoy the moment and you'll be fine. Cheers!

 

[KaraBulut]

Different people have different definitions of "friend".

For some people, a friendship is a lifetime commitment.

For others, friends are friends for as long as they're useful for hanging out.

Unfortunately, if you've moved out of the area and you're not hanging out with them on a regular basis, then the relationship changes. And for those friends who prefer friendships that are more useful, you will fall out of contact with them unless you make the effort.

If you're the kind that believes that friendships should be long-lasting, then focus on keeping in touch with your friends who believe the same thing.

 

[rareboy]

Meh.

High school friends and most college and uni friendsare only friends of convenience.

I wouldn't drive an hour to visit more than two or three of them.

 

[youngnihilist]

hi guys.

back in high school, a group of us used to be really good friends. we did a lot of extracurriculars together, took the same classes, and hung out with each other outside of all that.

then we went to college. 1 went out of state, 1 went to a school an hour away, and the rest went to the state school. i (and 2 others) went to CC. the friends who went to CC and I became really close. we hung out all the time. we went on trips, spent holidays together, etc. we were still friendly with our other friends, but they were busy living their own life "away at college" while the 3 of us were at home.

so i started to really feel a change in the relationship when i transferred to the state school. i immediately immersed myself the social scene (partying, etc... things that my 2 other friends didn't really care for). i became really involved in a number of activities that took up a lot of time. i still texted them often, but noticed the 2 of them doing a lot of things together that normally the 3 of us would do. i would always ask to be invited (or invite them to my place) and they would never invite me or decline coming by.

we still hung out every now and then, but we weren't as close as before. fast forward, one of them goes to state school (though we go to the same school, we never hang out. i used to text her all the time if she wanted to hang. she never responded or rarely did. i stopped.) and another goes an hour away. the 2 of them seem to still hang out pretty often. i am completely out of the mix.

however, our whole group still gets together every now and then. last year, my friend threw a party for new years. this year, no one has discussed new years plans with each other.

a friend wanted to plan a weekend trip with everyone, but all our schedules conflicted, so we resorted to dinner. but all our schedules conflicted with that, so we resorted to lunch.

to be honest, i'm okay with my friendships with everyone else. we drifted when we went to college, but we're fine when we get together. but my lack of closeness with the 2 I went to CC with bothers me. or it used to more than it does now.

i honestly don't even really care to go to lunch with them anymore. but i'll go. have we all moved from each other and just getting together for the sake of it? do i have a right to feel slighted by the 2 i considered my best friends at one point?

thanks.

perfectly normal. it'd be more unusual if your group was still intact. groups are there to support each other and have fun with each other at a place whether it be high school, college or a job. when that common place disappears, you lose the group. you may keep in touch with a couple you really hit it off with but it's never the same.

 

[Ephemeral]

One of my recent Facebook statuses remind me of your situation:

"The world is your playground. Everyone in it are toys. Some you use every now and then. Some are inevitably replaced. Some you break. Some are forgotten. Then there're the select few that become keepsakes, bringing comfort and genuine happiness no matter how old you get or busy your life becomes."

Like relationships, not every friendship you make will last. That's life.

Some are formed out of convenience, being in the same class together or being co-workers, and end when things change. Some naturally drift apart.

The ones that mean more will come back, no matter the time or distance.

 

[texan_slant]

Friendships are dynamic - especialy coming out of high school. You hang on to people when you need them the most, or when you have a common bond, but once you find that need or common bond change, then it is normal for friendships to fall apart.

This isn't to anyone's fault; it is circumstantial, and that is life.

Take it for what it is - hang out with your old friends if you want, but take it with a grain of salt and also move on and continue to make new ones.

As life progresses, and you come into yourself a bit more, and as you also change as a person, you won't learn who your life-long friendships are until your later years, well after college, when you find yourself running with the same clan and 20+ years have gone by - which is the case with me. These are the ones who you know will always be there in time of need.

Over the years, I have also intentionally let friendships go (by not maintaining communication after awhile) and you know those are natural to let go if they don't call back to check on you once in awhile.