Are there more masculine gay men out there and am I just not looking hard enough?

[FatherGhostface]

That's the only kind of man I'm attracted too. Not attracted to flamboyant gay men in the least, no offense, they just don't...do it for me. I know I'm picky and I'm not proud of it, but I'm not gonna apologize for it either since I like what I like. Moving on...

I know why it's so hard to find masculine gay men, because they blend in with straight men, and we as a society have generally come to associate homosexual men with the flamboyant stereotype and what not. But are they more common than I realize? Or are they few in numbers? I'm just wondering if anyone can give me the benefit of their experiences.

 

[deelong]

That's the only kind of man I'm attracted too. Not attracted to flamboyant gay men in the least, no offense, they just don't...do it for me. I know I'm picky and I'm not proud of it, but I'm not gonna apologize for it either since I like what I like. Moving on...

I know why it's so hard to find masculine gay men, because they blend in with straight men, and we as a society have generally come to associate homosexual men with the flamboyant stereotype and what not. But are they more common than I realize? Or are they few in numbers? I'm just wondering if anyone can give me the benefit of their experiences.

I am also only attracted to masculine men. I have flamboyant friends. Actually, my best friend is feminine. I am just not attracted to feminine men. Almost anything that reminds me of a women is a turn off and If a guy is feminine, that is a deal breaker for me (I don't mean to offend anyone). I hate that I'm like this. Because there are a lot of great feminine guys out there. I know they're masculine men around, you just have to do a little more searching. Try gay dating sites/apps.

 

[Seasoned]

There's a certain commonality with threads like these and frankly they can offend. This is coming from someone who used to get stopped at the door of gay bars in the 70s and 80s and asked, "do you know what kind if bar this is?" Does this "type" attraction have to be advertised? I mean, what does any guy do who has a specific attraction to blonds or muscle or big butts or tall or short or jocks or twinks or feminine or transgendered, etc? One keeps looking. If you're out of the closet you hang out and join clubs, societies, political action groups, etc that attract other gay men. The social dating sites also allow you to screen. Clubs will attract people who might feel oppressed in their day to day lives and it gives them a place to let loose and be themselves. Get to know them too. They are more inclined to be out and you never know. They may have a friend, co-worker, brother or cousin who could be the man of your dreams. Happy hunting!

 

[evanrick]

its not that your not looking hard enough...your looking too hard.

 

[Rolyo85]

its not that your not looking hard enough...your looking too hard.

This. I am attracted to all kinds and I constantly see/meet super masculine dudes who are also clearly gay. Of course, it helps that I don't freak out from the fact that a dude likes musicals for example...

 

[Just_Believe18]

Most of the gay guys I know are varying shades of masculinity. If you're looking for a one type, stereotypical version of what "defines" a masculine man, you are going to be very lonely indeed. By your own criticism, would you discount yourself for typing in a fabulously purple font? What constitutes deal breakers for "femininity" to you?

I say judge a man for who he is and the integrity he has.

 

[maxpowr9]

This. I am attracted to all kinds and I constantly see/meet super masculine dudes who are also clearly gay. Of course, it helps that I don't freak out from the fact that a dude likes musicals for example...

I agree, you clearly are trying too hard. I won't attempt to balk TC's own insecurities which are clearly apparent.

My interests run the gambit. I can watch Glee one night (it's not on tonight ) and then watch the Pats on Sunday. Most of my friends are a bit surprised by how "polarizing" my traits can be. If you focus on particular traits instead of the person with a set of traits, you will be alone for a long while.

 

[FatherGhostface]

I agree, you clearly are trying too hard. I won't attempt to balk TC's own insecurities which are clearly apparent.

My interests run the gambit. I can watch Glee one night (it's not on tonight ) and then watch the Pats on Sunday. Most of my friends are a bit surprised by how "polarizing" my traits can be. If you focus on particular traits instead of the person with a set of traits, you will be alone for a long while.

Not that I don't appreciate what you and everyone has said but honestly, nothing that has been said here isn't anything that I haven't already told myself. I've tried to have romantic feelings for feminine gay guys, I've tried to ignore that they are feminine and look beyond that but nothing seems to work. In the end, I feel like I'm dating a woman and I don't want that.

 

[JustJuice]

I'm curious what OP's judgement is about proportions of "feminine" and "masculine" men is. Take 100 gay guys, how many are feminine and how many are masculine? Now take 100 straight guys, what is the proportion? Also, what defines feminine and masculine? Is it personality, behaviour or body type? Thanks.

 

[LAPan75]

`

I think the Hang Buddy type of Gay/Bi/Pan male is around, but hard to ID.
I know that is what I am looking for, but also being one I am putting out no signals that I am on a regular basis.​

`

 

[TheHotMess]

That is a pickle alright. I can see how these conversations could offend, but you need to have a sense of humour. My partner is not as masculine as me, yet he tops more than I do. This gives our straight friends something to laugh about!

There are lots of great guys out there who are camp or feminine. Ask yourself what it is about them that really turns you off, and maybe try to push a few boundaries.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I don't think this thread should offend anyone.

And to the OP, it depends on what you think "masculinity" is, if what you're looking is stereotypical heterosexual male behaviour that's gonna be hard, there are probably guys like that out there but even if you find them, how do you know you're gonna like them? I mean, how much in common can you have with someone like that? Unless you have the same type of behaviour.

I used to be like that and used to say I exclusively wanted hyper masculine boyfriends. My first boyfriend was stereotypically masculine, even liked cars and sports...and we had NOTHING in common...I mean I didn't really see it back then but today I have a boyfriend that isn't the most masculine man in the world (not completely feminine either just in between) and we have so much fun together, now I realize why I always felt like my first relationship was sooo boring.

 

[-Kane-]

Read "The Secret"..

Laws of attraction: Learn how to radiate the things you want into your life. It works for me.

 

[winterkill]

Does this "type" attraction have to be advertised?

Yes. Absolutely. Because it documents our preferences and thus our diversity. Only the 'same sex' unites us, and even that is doubtful. It is easier to be tolerant if one doesn't feel forced to identify with something one doesn't understand.

The high visibility of effeminate gay men in the homosexual dating pool is a consequence of the low prestige of homosexuality that prevents most sexually active persons from giving it a try. A vicious circle fed by the essentialist “I am who I am” doctrine employed by gays and straights alike.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

OP, you seem to have two problems; one, I suspect you believe masculinity and being gay are somehow mutually exclusive (on some level or other), two, you're not looking too hard, you're just looking in the wrong places.

Problem one is the though cookie, many gays don't ever manage to move past that point and it makes us very unhappy.