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Are there really any men out there who aren't gross?

C

CShields

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Ya know, who are the traditional 'gentleman' type? I'm pretty much attracted to men who groom themselves (not too much though, no overly plucked Adam Lambert eyebrows please), who are masculine and a tad rugged from time to time but ultimately polite, kind, smell good, have good hygiene, don't flaunt their bodily functions around you, are considerate, courteous, patient, sincere, honest, etc. etc.

If I could find a guy like that with just a couple of those qualities then I'd be happy but it seems the only guys I ever meet behave and smell like farm animals. Look, already know I'm gonna get a whole slew of self righteous answers telling me that I sound like a 'snob'. I'm really not trying to sound like a snob, but I can't help it if I'm turned off by guys who act like pigs. It's annoying to say the least. And I'm not attracted to feminine guys (no offense, I just really prefer my man to be masculine)...so...has anyone here ever met a gay or bisexual guy who matches the description above? Just so I have confirmation that said guy exists please?
 
Yes,my first Partner,and my present one. Erik was gay,my new man is Bisexual,though according to many on here "there" are no such creatures.
Confirmation posted.
As for "the haters",fuck-em.
 
No, we are all pigs and whoever grooms will definitely end up sleeping in a pile of mud.
 
OMG, I'd have to say what you've been finding is the exact opposite of my experience. Perhaps it's an issue related to your location.
 
Of course they exist but if you want to attract them you have to consider what it is you have to offer as well.
 
I think that people looking for a partner with a long lists of "requiremets" are basically sabotaging themselves.
Same things goes for people who claim that there's no one out there who fits some very simple requirement (such as "not smelling like a farm animal") when there obviously are plenty of them.

If I were you, I'd think about why you're sabotaging yourself.
Are you afraid of intimacy, and the vulenrability that comes with it?
Or are you an emotional masochist that deliberately (if subconsciously) set's himself up for heartbreak?
Perhaps some other reason? Something to think about.
 
CShields said:
Ya know, who are the traditional 'gentleman' type? I'm pretty much attracted to men who groom themselves (not too much though, no overly plucked Adam Lambert eyebrows please), who are masculine and a tad rugged from time to time but ultimately polite, kind, smell good, have good hygiene, don't flaunt their bodily functions around you, are considerate, courteous, patient, sincere, honest, etc. etc.

If I could find a guy like that with just a couple of those qualities then I'd be happy but it seems the only guys I ever meet behave and smell like farm animals. Look, already know I'm gonna get a whole slew of self righteous answers telling me that I sound like a 'snob'. I'm really not trying to sound like a snob, but I can't help it if I'm turned off by guys who act like pigs. It's annoying to say the least. And I'm not attracted to feminine guys (no offense, I just really prefer my man to be masculine)...so...has anyone here ever met a gay or bisexual guy who matches the description above? Just so I have confirmation that said guy exists please?
Click to expand...

This isn't a "man" you are looking for, it's a fantasy. Men are who they are, some of them are pampered party boys, some of them are smelly lumberjacks - you seem to be asserting that the construct you've presented is reality, when obviously it isn't.

Which is why people question your motives.
 
medic1 said:
Yes,my first Partner,and my present one. Erik was gay,my new man is Bisexual,though according to many on here "there" are no such creatures.
Confirmation posted.
As for "the haters",fuck-em.
Click to expand...

ubisoft said:
I am one, my partner is one but we're both taken ;)
Click to expand...

palbert said:
Yes, they exist. I've had relationships with 3 of them. (And I make 4.)
Click to expand...

That's all I wanted to hear. It's comforting to know that such men exist. Most people will tell me I'm a 'foolish snob' for having such expectations (and just as I predicted, a couple of them kind of did right here in this thread) but I don't think it's wrong to want to find such qualities in a mate. I don't think they're 'unreasonable' qualities, that's for sure.
 
Foolish? No. Snob? Possibly. There was certainly a way in which you presented your ideal type of man that came across as condescending when comparing other guys to that ideal. However, it is not unreasonable and there are men who exist with those qualities.
 
CShields said:
That's all I wanted to hear. It's comforting to know that such men exist. Most people will tell me I'm a 'foolish snob' for having such expectations (and just as I predicted, a couple of them kind of did right here in this thread) but I don't think it's wrong to want to find such qualities in a mate. I don't think they're 'unreasonable' qualities, that's for sure.
Click to expand...

I don't know enough about your expectations to say. Both my guy and I have some manners and bathe, for example. And just the other day in another thread, I was complaining about some people I know who are so casual or oblivious that they will use the washroom for any purpose with the door open and their wives or husbands coming and going in and out of the same room.

But if my guy farts, he doesn't run off to the other room, only for me to then find hand-write a letter of apology sitting on a doily on the side table explaining how horrified and ashamed he is and that he's slipped out the window to go spend the weekend at his mom's. Could I possibly forgive him and learn to love again?

Neither of us is inclined to fart at the symphony or belch at the restaurant, but honestly around the house it is more a case of, if you have to fart, fart with gusto.

As far as predictions about others assessing your level of snobbery, you basically warn others against getting on their high horse. In your own judgmental statements of other people's grossness I feel you are perfectly entitled to your views. However it is not clear why you should be the only one to ride tall in the saddle..
 
I'm not gross... And yest there are men who are not gross and can be gentlemanly. I have dated one or two who are nice like that and don't try to take advantage of me, unlike the others who constantly go touchy-feely on me as if I'm their territory. It's hrd to find but one day, one fine day, you might meet the man of your dreams or standards.
 
bankside said:
I don't know enough about your expectations to say. Both my guy and I have some manners and bathe, for example. And just the other day in another thread, I was complaining about some people I know who are so casual or oblivious that they will use the washroom for any purpose with the door open and their wives or husbands coming and going in and out of the same room.

But if my guy farts, he doesn't run off to the other room, only for me to then find hand-write a letter of apology sitting on a doily on the side table explaining how horrified and ashamed he is and that he's slipped out the window to go spend the weekend at his mom's. Could I possibly forgive him and learn to love again?

Neither of us is inclined to fart at the symphony or belch at the restaurant, but honestly around the house it is more a case of, if you have to fart, fart with gusto.

As far as predictions about others assessing your level of snobbery, you basically warn others against getting on their high horse. In your own judgmental statements of other people's grossness I feel you are perfectly entitled to your views. However it is not clear why you should be the only one to ride tall in the saddle..
Click to expand...

Well as for the farting/bathroom stuff, if I could find a guy and fall in love with him deeply then I won't be very much phased by it, as long as he doesn't do it on the first couple of dates and he doesn't laugh like an idiot about it and make huge deal about it afterwords. It's not just the act of flatulence and defecating that turns me off---it's the immature attitude that comes with it that really gets to me. If he says excuse me and doesn't go out of his way to be gross and upfront about something like that then I won't be nearly as bothered by it and I certainly wouldn't expect him to crawl over broken glass to receive my forgiveness. I'm not like that.

As for your other question....I'm honestly not trying to be 'high and mighty' or 'snobby'. I probably came across that way and I'm sorry about that but honestly that's not what I meant to do, and of course that didn't stop anyone from becoming high and mighty themselves and lecturing me on how awful I am.
 
OP, phrasing and choosing your words well goes a long way and is less likely to get a rise out of people. And I understand that that can be easier said than done.
 
I get where you are coming from..those are some of the same qualities I seek and pride myself on possessing. I know a few guys like this, problem is they're all taken.
 
So if a gentleman gay flaunts his penis and ass on OK Cupid, is that a deal breaker for you?
 
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