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Are we afraid of anal sex?

B

BunkerBuster

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and we are virtually inseparable. We are both each other's first real relationship, and neither of us have been sexually active with anyone else. (we're both 20)

In bed, we're very active, and have done all the normal hugging, kissing, bondage, and oral sex of all kinds (including rimming), but its almost as if our buttholes are off limits. The most we've ever done so far is an index finger stuck in just a little bit.

Anal sex is something we've both talked about, and we both think we would really enjoy it, but we never end up doing anything that leads to it, and it always gets forgotten/neglected in the heat of the passion. When I think about what it would feel like with him inside me, it really turns me on and I even have fantasized about it at times.

Why are we so reluctant to give anal sex a try? Are we scared of it? Do we think it might damage the awesome relationship we have?
 
You both said that you would enjoy it, but have either of you asked the other to do it?
 
Dragging out an old but apt saying,

Ask him.

Tell him.

Not us.

Him.
Click to expand...

There's nothing hotter than having a guy tell you that he wants you inside him.

You're not going to know whether you will like it until you try it. And there's no one better to try it with than a long-time partner who you are comfortable with, who you trust and who knows your body.

Over in the Health and Wellbeing forum, there are some stickies at the top of the forum about anal sex. Take a look at them and then have the talk with your partner- tell him what you want and ask him if he'll fulfill your fantasy.
 
If it's something you want to do, just set a day and do it. If you make yourselves do it once, that will probably open the door to experimenting thoroughly.
 
I doubt there is a fear of anal sex but more a slight shift in what people enjoy. In days gone by with the lack of places to go and time available it was in most case a rushed affair so you were inclined to do whatever was quick to get off.

But now our sex lives are a slower and more appreciated pace with many more things to side track us. It is not ordered that we should start at A and work to Z in things to do as a gay man/couple.

The internet is a great teacher that provides a warts and all view it is amazing what you can do that you had never considered. So there is certainly enough educational resources.

Relationships have a life of there own they will when the time is right present you with the opportunities to enjoy each other so talk some more and it will happen in the mean time enjoy what else is on your plate.
 
bounder said:
You both said that you would enjoy it, but have either of you asked the other to do it?
Click to expand...

We've been talking about it for a couple of months now, but I guess we just don't know where to begin, maybe we're concerned of how to do it correctly?

I've been reading some of the tips listed in the other section that KaraBulut mentioned, so that's been a lot of help.
 
it could just be me, but i think you guys are scared of the initial pain that might go with anal sex. Yeah the idea is hot, but then there's always that thought in the back of your head. At least that's how it was with me.

So straight up, at first it is gonna hurt. But if you go slowly and work through it, it'll feel amazing. Again this is just my experience so take that as you will. just go slow.
 
It will take time to enjoy the feeling, at first, it hurt for me then I slowly able to enjoy the feeling.
 
First of all, stop talking about it and certainly stop listening to those who talk about the pain. Too many folks call it pain when what it really amounts to is a bit of temporary discomfort.

When two guys have bonded in deep friendship and they have enjoyed the easy stuff it might be wise to lay out the necessary aids (lubrication and condoms) "just in case" the moment arrives. With a caring and patient partner anal sex can provide an intimacy that is unmatched. It should be great for top and bottom and IMHO that ought to include the expectation of the reversal of positions; if you invite him to enter you, you should expect that he will similarly invite you in.

And, of course, the greatest anal sex is had by two who really do love each other.
 
Maybe he is nervous to top you, if that the role you want him to take. I don't think you are afraid of it, I think you are just reluctant to try something that both of you haven't had experience with before.
 
Discomfort? Are you a doctor? lol... they always use discomfort, or pressure, to describe mind-blowing pain.

Yeah, it hurts at first. Just work through it and have your partner not move his penis until the pain subsides.

Eventually your muscles will relax and it'll all be worth it. ;)
 
I would agree with the other posters. If it's something that turns you on to think about, then do it. I'd say it could be definitely hot to just sort of "end up there" one night while you're intimate. But don't worry if you're in the heat of passion and satisfy each other other ways, and it doesn't happen right away.

My ex (weird to say that since it's only been a week) was not into it at all and wouldn't try with me even to please me. I fantasized about it and talked to him once, but he said it was dirty, and didn't even want to try. You and your partner should have a bond where neither is afraid of trying something together to make the other happy and keep your bond. If you can't do that for each other, then you'll slip away from each other eventually.

So go for it and enjoy. If it doesn't work out, at least you no longer have to wonder.
 
Why don't you just...you know? Make it happen?

If you're worried about it hurting or something, take some showers together and use your fingers or some toys to open eachother a bit. It won't take long, a week max to be ready to do some anal. You'd have to take it slow at first but it wouldn't be as bad as going straight in there with no preperation.
 
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