Are you as open in real life as on this forum?

[Oral Fixation]

Are you as open with your partner (long-term, short-term, immediate-term, whatever), particularly regarding/around sex as you are on this forum?

I was also wondering how you would describe the communication you and your partner have around sex and related issues/fantasies/etc? Like for example, do you describe your fantasies to them? To what details do you go? What is their reaction to you? How did you bring it up?

The context of my pondering is the ffg: I am 27, and my bf is 53. We have been together for 7/8 years. I've actually not had many sexual partners prior to this relationship. In fact, he is the only one that I've had 'penetrative sex' (as he likes to say ) with in my life! (Am I too boring, you and I both ask?). Anyway, he's had other partners (also in LTRs - he has many years on me). Now, I consider myself fairly adventurous, sexually - I like to try different things, positions, ideas I pick up of this forum, etc. He hasn't really gotten into this whole forum thing, yet, and is, let's say, not-too-adventurous! So, how does one broach the idea trying different things? (Like, let's say I wanted to try water-sports!!! I'm really not into it, but as an example, how do you bring it up? Does one go for the big-bang approach and say something like 'piss on me baby'? LOL x5 And when/where do you do this, in the middle of sex? Or do you discuss the idea before-hand, and then, sort of 'implement it' that night, or does it just spontaneously happen, kinda-thing?; or say you wanted him to talk dirty to you, and he doesn't seem too responsive to the idea, or is, perhaps, not getting it right - the way you would like it to turn you on?).

What are your experiences, comments, advise, please?

Tx.

 

[ahotjock71]

I don't have a partner, but I am as open & genuine in real life with everybody around me as I am here. I am generally very opinionated & don't mind sharing it.

Some of my friends on another board call me a "whiner." LOL

 

[hunky]

totally. Nothing to hide. Nobody pays my bills, so...

 

[winterknight]

I'm not open with anyone.

O'course, there aren't really that many people in my life for me to be open with ... but even so, I still have trouble letting people in, even for the little things.

 

[pornoboy]

most of the times - except for...

 

[Oral Fixation]

It's really 'easy'. I would explain things to him before sex, like in a conversation. Just say you were thinking of some thing(s) else we could do and I was wondering if you were interested in trying them? Basically that's it. It shouldn't be too hard to breach the subject, you've guys been together a long time.

If he says no, then that's too bad. If he says yes, then just have fun.

Tx. I have tried bringing up cetain things and tried to encourage certain things I wanted to try, but he sometimes seems, LOL, 'a little thick' and doesn't seem to quite get it, so it kinda fades away. So what I wanted to know is, how in-depth do you go in discussing what you want to achieve?

 

[gotdimples77]

I am not as open in real life as I am on these forums thingies...or even on the phone for that matter.

I do like it when people tell me what they want. And for the most part I am willing to try anything if I feel comfortable, which means I need to feel comforted and safe with the person I'm with. If I don't feel comfortable I clam up and don't say or do anything (sometimes that pisses people off) but if I'm not comfortable nothing is goign to happen. I guess I would say make sure your guy knows you love him and you want to do new things with HIM, that HE is important to the process and that it isnt just your appetites.

 

[Orlandude]

I am very open most of the time. There are some things I have no need to discuss on this forum but will discuss with a partner.

I believe you have to be open, honest and specific, especially since you guys have been together for quite some time. You may be surprised that he too has some "fantasies" or sexual play that he may want to try but maybe he doesn't know how to approach you about it. I would think he is also at that age where virtually nothing should surprise or shock him. Like you, he is a mature gay man. I would not beat around the bush, so to speak. Have a mature conversation with him about sex and broadening your sexual parameters. There is nothing wrong with that. You may be surprised at how receptive he may be. On the other hand, also be prepared that he may not have any desire to do certain things. That is fine too. We all have preferences, likes and dislikes. Preface your discussion with him by reminding him that you place an extremely high value on the openness and honesty in your relationship and have some things you want to discuss. Trust me. He will listen and appreciate your openness. His generation tends to be a bit more reserved about bringing up these things but that doesn't mean the interest is not there. If the interest is NOT there, he will tell you and you also need to respect his position. It works both ways.

 

[190E]

I'm not as open as I am on this board, but I am still a fairly open person in life. If I have something on my mind, i'll let you know. When it comes to sex, I know wht I want and so does my boyfriend, we've discussed this, and we have a fairly good understanding of what we both want from something. We have a pretty open line of communication, there are somethings that I would still never tell him, simply because I'm a very quiet person when it comes to personal things, like how I'm feeling.

 

[Dave_83]

HELL NO! i hope to change that soon though.

 

[The_Reaper]

Ha!

If I was open in life, as I was on this site...

I suspect someone would have had me committed to a home, or at least maybe I'd be in a relationship by now...

Either or...

 

[hotdog1846]

I wonder, Oral, if you're just simply physically at different stages in your bodies' life journey. At age 53, it would be understandable if your partner's libido and curiousity are at a lower level than your 27-year-old level.

I wonder if he had gone through an adventuresome phase earlier in life, and is now just simply physiologically slowing down.

Now, I'm not age-ist ... 53-year-olds can definitely have hot sex lives, but at age 40, I can vouch for there being a certain deterioration of physical powers with age.

My advice (as a man ONLY coming up on middle-age ) is to love him for who he is, cherish the nurturing and snuggling, and look forward to growing old together.

 

[confusedboy23]

I'm definitely a lot more 'closed' in real life. No one knows about my sexuality but whilst I was still with my ex, I couldn't care less about what others thought. We've made out in public, hugged...... But, unfortunaltely, I'm now all alone, again!

 

[seven_sins]

I am open only with things that do not pertain to sexuality. In that case, I am very open. When it comes to sexuality, I am a total clam. I wish I weren't, but I can't change. It is even difficult for me to make this admission here.

 

[cocktales]

I know it's hard to believe; but I am even MORE open in real life than on this forum!

Yep, if I get to know you especially, and after awhile, I am just a bundle of openess! ha ha

Seriously, I love to just be myself, to have fun with my friends and loved one; and truly love talking with people about issues and all other things that might pop up!!!

Yep, I am a regular Dear Abby! lol

 

[Green_Man_007]

With a partner, I suppose I've very open, though a lot of my honesty could be wrapped up in humor.

If 2 people are together sexually, they should reveal their fantasies to each other, along with their dislikes

I've had a way of convincing my partners to at least try new twists in our frolic. If I don't bring up, for instance, skinnydipping in a farm creek, or roleplaying, how would I get them to try it?

 

[evilest]

Of course. If anything, I'd say that the anonimity on the boars mean I'm less out, you don't actually know who I am...