Asking him to be my boyfriend...

[Silentbutsweet]

Okay so I'm still talking to this guy and hanging out with him. We text each other almost everyday. I like him a lot and he seems to like me. I haven't been able to see him in over a month and I miss him like crazy. I have the place to myself for a whole week last week and was hoping he would come by and we do whatever. He had a pretty rough week and I understand that but man I really wanted to see him. I sort of had that one day planned out if he had come over.

He would stop by and we start by watching a movie or something, lay down and cuddle and then start kissing and from there really enjoying ourselves. I was going to give him a massage especially after his rough week before we actually started to have sex. By the end of the night I would want to be resting in his arms and just come out and say it.

"I know things aren't going to be permanent with you and me and I don't care. And I know you said your not ready for a relationship and it's cool with me. But I like talking to you and seeing you. Not that I'm not always happy but every time I see you and look into your eyes I feel comfortable and very happy. I like you a lot and would really like to be your boyfriend."

And a while ago after our second encounter he asked me if I would want to try it out with out a condom next time. He said he did it once with the first boyfriend he had. Said he felt comfortable with me and that he trust me and I feel the same way and that although I would be scared to try it, I wouldn't mind doing it with him because I'm so comfortable with him.

Should I take the next step? Although I'll probably go and do it anyways if someone disagrees but what do you guys think?

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Yeah, I would hold off on leaving off the condom. Why take a chance? Sure AIDS isn't the death sentence it once was, but it's not exactly a fun thing to have to deal with. If you've been safe up to now, good for you, and keep doing it.

 

[altlover85]

"I know things aren't going to be permanent with you and me and I don't care. And I know you said your not ready for a relationship and it's cool with me. But I like talking to you and seeing you. Not that I'm not always happy but every time I see you and look into your eyes I feel comfortable and very happy. I like you a lot and would really like to be your boyfriend."

If he's said he doesn't want to be in a relationship isn't that the exact opposite of being your boyfriend?

I wouldn't necessarily dive into the bareback sex just yet. I think you both should wait a little bit for that. Moreso, when you both are sure that you're ready for exclusivity. And promise each other that.

huntneo is right. I wouldn't even think about bareback unless you are exclusive and even then, I would wait a while. I would also get tested, preferably together, before you bareback.

In my case, my boyfriend and I were exclusive a few months in. I didn't have sex with anyone else once I met my boyfriend, but we didn't make it official until a few months in. Then a few months later we got tested. Once I knew we were both negative, then a few months later we barebacked. I don't remember the exact date, but it was probably at least a year before we barebacked.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Absolutely not. A guy who suggests bareback after the second time is a red flag. Both of you are still getting to know each other. Trust has not been established yet. How ever this turns out, wear a condom with him every time.

 

[kooman]

yeah, dont pop out the question about him being your bf, take it slow and go from there.

 

[Silentbutsweet]

We both have gotten tested and both came out negative.

 

[Just_Believe18]

We both have gotten tested and both came out negative.

So? That's not the point.

Alright, here's a little Sex Health 101 you should have had a long time ago.

• Getting tested and coming out negative does not guarantee he is clean. If he had bareback sex with someone else a week ago and became positive, a minimum of two weeks must happen before a dependable HIV test can be taken. It takes a total of THREE months to take an HIV test that is 100% conclusive you are negative. Were you the last person he has had sex with in the last three months?

• TRUST. How long have you known this guy? How many sexual encounters have you even had? You don't know if he is having sex with other people. Can you be sure beyond just his word that you are the only one he is having sex with? You can't.

• Just because you're the only one he's barebacking now, doesn't mean he won't have any sexual encounters with someone later on. You don't have love, a commitment, or a settled relationship to fall back on here. He owes you nothing to be exclusive and has the freedom to do what he wants.


I'm especially sensitive about this issue right now because a friend of mine became exposed to the risk of being HIV positive. He met a guy, and for three weeks they were getting to know each other. Somehow, in the passion of things, he let the guy bareback him (but did not cum). A few days later, the guy calls him crying saying he knew he was positive and was so sorry for what he did. It was the worst month of my friend's life. He had to take a special blood test to prove he was negative, but he still won't know for sure until two more months have passed when he can take a conclusive test. Fucked up, you say? You betcha. You never know what a guy is going to hold back from telling you about his full sexual history or what he is currently doing and with who. The shorter amount of time you've known him, the less you know.

Be smart. Don't bareback with him. This whole situation seems to have less to do with wanting a boyfriend and more in wanting the label of a boyfriend so you can feel "safe" to bareback with him.

 

[Seasoned]

The condom ought not come off until you are boyfriends and then only when you both decide on monogomy, get tested again and have full trust in one another. Don't give him something he wants in the hopes it will make him love you.

 

[altlover85]

Great advice from the two gentleman above me.

If one of your motivators for asking him to be your boyfriend is so that you can engage in bareback sex, that's not a good reason to become boyfriends.

I definitely think waiting until you are both exclusive and three months have passed from that date is the bare minimum for engaging in bareback sex.

 

[Ninja108]

Like others have said, it is WAY too early in the relationship to think about barebacking.
When my bf and I finally began barebacking in our relationship, it was more than a year and a half into it and only after we did several of the tests TWICE and were there for each other when the results came in.
The fact he is pushing for it so early is a warning flag.
Here's a cold hard truth, the only thing you'll get from him right now if you give in to his demands is a risk of catching something from him.
Be firm..and use some of the suggestions people here have suggested. If he's not willing to wait, then he doesn't and won't love you.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Just_Believe18 has the best post in this thread.

Do not bareback.
HIV/AIDS and other STDs are nothing to play around with. Is your third time having sex with a dude worth risking exposing THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to medication, discrimination, and uncertainty? I don't think so. My last boyfriend and I dated for over a year before we even discussed unprotected sex.

 

[KaraBulut]

"I know things aren't going to be permanent with you and me and I don't care. And I know you said your not ready for a relationship and it's cool with me. But I like talking to you and seeing you. Not that I'm not always happy but every time I see you and look into your eyes I feel comfortable and very happy. I like you a lot and would really like to be your boyfriend."

Should I take the next step? Although I'll probably go and do it anyways if someone disagrees but what do you guys think?

Very early in dating, it's quite common to have romantic notions that you can love someone and eventually, if you love them hard enough, they'll love you back.

The signs here aren't good. You haven't seen him in a month. Your post hints that he's told you that it's not going to be a permanent relationship. Your post hints that he's told you he's not ready for a relationship.

At some point, we all have to take a step back and look at what cards are on the table. It's apparent that you really want a relationship. You really want to have a romantic time with a guy.

But it's probably not going to be this guy. And if he's pressuring you to do things that put you at risk, he's definitely not the guy for you.

There are guys out there who want the same things that you do. Invest the time and effort in one of those other guys who want the same things that you do.