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Asking My Man to Marry me

Luka

Luka

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So, I haven't been on this site for a while, but it always helps me when I'm in a bind! lol.

I've been dating my guy for about 5 months, I'm 24 and he's 33, not that the age matters. I am in the Navy and leaving for bahrain on July 13. I love him and want him to know i am in this relationship for the long haul even though we won't see each other for 1.5 years. We have talked about getting married and having a family. The thing is i didn't plan on getting married till i was 30 or older because i want to have lots of fun in my 20's, my parents got married young and never really got to have their fun years. I asked my dad for advice and he told me to really think hard about it because although a engagement isn't final, it still can destroy the person if u break up with them after you are engaged especially.

I keep going back and forth in my mind on what to do, this may sound horrible but i can't help but still want sex with other guys although i love him.... any help would be awesome guys thanks!

-Ricky
 
If both you and him agrees to get married. Lets do it.
What are the rules after marriage? Open relationships ok?
 
no theres no way he would go for that. sex isn't the most important thing in life i know, i just like variety.
 
I'm sorry, but I don't really get the question? Is it whether or not you should stay in the relationship, or whether or not you should get married? If you really like the guy, then why not just stay with him? I mean, you don't have to get married immediately, you have known each other for five months only. Maybe in time you will be more certain as to what to do.. So I think my advice would be just to stick to what you have and when the time comes when there's no doubt in your mind that you should and would marry, then do it then.. Real love is harder to find then a quick fuck - believe me.
That's just my opinion though..
 
You're caught in the age old question, deciding between a strong bond of love and affection and playing around. It's best to be honest to both yourself and your partner. Why not postpone that decision until your return? It's not fair to either of you if commitment comes about strictly out of fear that you might lose something. Marriage ought to be more about posititives than negatives.

Good luck to you both and a wish that you return from your tour safely.
 
I never understood why people say that having fun is primarily for when you are single. This implies that having fun stops when you love someone and commit to them. You want sex with more than just him, so do not ask him to marry you. Why should he commit to someone who doesn't want to commit to him yet. Also, why do you think you will be ready to stop having sex with other guys at the magical age of 30?

Be honest with yourself and especially be honest with your bf. You don't appear to be ready for marriage, in my opinion.
 
If you're leaving for a year and a half most likely someone is going to stray. I don't think a marriage proposal at this time is wise... especially if you still need to sow your wild oats.
 
^^^I agree with sixthson. Based on what you said...you're only asking him to marry you as a safety net. If you say you want sex with other guys then you are not ready for the commitment of marriage. At all.
 
Keep in mind that the closer he gets to 40, he's probably going to want kids less and less. Back at 30 I played with the idea, the closer I get to 40 the less appealing it gets.

if you've only been dating for five months, I'd say this is probably a bit premature. If it was me, I wouldn't have moved in with you after five months.
 
Luka said:
no theres no way he would go for that. sex isn't the most important thing in life i know, i just like variety.
Click to expand...

I have a lot of variety with my guy, fourteen years now and sex is an adventure with new discoveries every year. He's the only man I've ever gone all the way with, too.

5 months is pretty quick to figure out a lifetime commitment though. Only you two can decide.
 
I'm sorry, but I don't really get the question? Is it whether or not you should stay in the relationship, or whether or not you should get married? If you really like the guy, then why not just stay with him? I mean, you don't have to get married immediately, you have known each other for five months only. Maybe in time you will be more certain as to what to do.. So I think my advice would be just to stick to what you have and when the time comes when there's no doubt in your mind that you should and would marry, then do it then.. Real love is harder to find then a quick fuck - believe me.
That's just my opinion though..
Click to expand...

Quote for truth. Also, ask yourself this: is getting engaged before leaving about giving yourself a reason not to cheat on your man and fool around while you're away for a year and a half? If so, wouldn't it be a better test of whether or not this is a potential marriage to say "let's keep in constant, open communication, and see if we want to stay faithful to one another" ??

It seems like this trip of yours is a ticking clock that only drums up drama. If you weren't going anywhere, would you be ready to marry after only five months? Are you afraid of losing him while you're away? Or do you really want to see what else is out there? You two need to talk honestly. Don't be afraid of doing that. If you are, then you're trying to preserve something that's just an illusion anyway.
 
I appreciate everyones advice and thoughts! thank you all very much :)

I am still thinking on what to do.... we will talk about it, and come to a decision. Its true I'm still not sure if its the right time so waiting sounds like the best option, i don't want to rush this decision just because i am leaving. Also I do feel like being engaged would make me much less likely to cheat, but I'm not that kind of person, i would never cheat, and i know thats a fact haha. I could never hurt someone by cheating thats horrible.
 
update for anyone who cares....lol i just gave my boyfriend a promise ring and made it clear it wasn't an engagement ring but is almost lol. anyways we are both happy with the decision so yay haha i just wanted him to know I'm absolutely committed to him but since ill be gone a year want to make sure we are still wanting to take the relationship further after we have been back together a while :)
 
If I may offer my tuppence: please wait. I've seen too many shipmates get married prior to deployment only to return changed and are now stuck in a marriage, many with kids (which isn't a concern for you two). If he's 'the one' he'll stick around until you return. Once you get back and are settled-in, then think about settling down.

Fair winds and following seas.
 
I guess being engaged while you are all alone is a good feeling while overseas. While you are there you can start adding him to your insurance policies and send him money to help plan the wedding.

Congrats.
 
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