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At what age did you accept your sexuality?

hothunk222

hothunk222

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Hey guys,

I have a friend that is struggling with his sexuality and id just like to know how I can help him. I have a few questions, how long did it take you to move out of the denial phase and to start accepting yourself? and then, when, how and why where you finally able to accept yourself? What was a crucial event or life experience that finally made you accept your sexuality? thanks! :)
 
I don't really know when I knew for sure, but I admitted to myself when I was in 8th or 9th grade, and was open about it when I was in 11th grade. The internet helped me realize it. Because before I got it (which was Christmas of my 8th grade year) was when I discovered gay porn, and how much I liked it. Once i started thinking it I never denied it. So yeah...
 
I watched gay porn as young as 11 (And fooled around with a friend), but couldn't admit that I was gay to myself until I was 15. Finally told someone else when I was 16, but didn't really become open (Like OK to discuss stuff in public, or let people at work know) until this year, and I am 23.
 
I first started thinking I was gay around the age of 19 or 20. I assumed it was a "phase", and decided to ride it out. After about a year or so, I realied "this phase isn't going away", so I slowly realized I was gay for good. I don't think it was any one incident, though.

Lex
 
I told people when I was 14, took it back (said it was a phase), finally admitted it to myself at 17 and then told everyone again.
 
I was around 16 or 17. I think that was really when I knew who I really am. Have not regretted it at all. I am who I am and very happy with it.
 
I knew at around 13 / 14...but did not come out to family and friends until 22. Strict military upbringing and then military myself...
 
I knew for sure when I was 12. When I was 14 I thought I'd try to snap out of it, instead I went away to a summer camp with all guys. haha. I think that's what I totally accepted that it wasn't a phase or anything I'd want to change. Came out to my first friend at 15, family at 16, everyone as soon as I turned 17.
 
hothunk222 said:
Hey guys,

I have a friend that is struggling with his sexuality and id just like to know how I can help him. I have a few questions, how long did it take you to move out of the denial phase and to start accepting yourself? and then, when, how and why where you finally able to accept yourself? What was a crucial event or life experience that finally made you accept your sexuality? thanks! :)
Click to expand...

If you're trying to help a friend struggling with their sexuality or accepting of their sexuality, there's not a magic formula or a standard length of time that it takes. You can read through the responses and see that the coming out process is a very individual thing.

Things you can do:
  • Listen. Don't offer advice unless it is requested. Don't judge. Don't impose your experience onto your friends. Just be there and listen.
  • Educate. There's still a lot of misconceptions about what "being gay" means (example: the concept of "straight-acting"). If your friend is ready to go to gay bars, go with him and keep him out of trouble. And make sure he understands what safer sex is and that it is part of the deal.
  • Call bullshit when you see it. It's amazing what rationalizations guys come up with during their denial phase. When you see your friend doing stupid things, say something. You may not be able to stop him or change his mind, but you can speak the truth.
  • Accept. Coming out is such a personal and individual thing. Accept that your friend has to find his own way in the end. You're there for support, not to make him gay. He'll eventually find his way.
 
Yeah, it's a very personal thing. A common theme I'm seeing, though, is that to come out, you have to be willing to:

* stop living for other people and start living for yourself (your own happiness), and

* get strong/angry enough that you are willing to sacrifice all friend & family relationships in order to declare your gayness. Most of the time, in this day and age, you won't break most friend or family ties, but sometimes you will. So you have to get to the point of accepting that it may happen.

Best of luck.
 
I am going through the process myself. I met a couple of guy on JUB who basically listens to me and answers my questions with no judgements.

I wish your friend the best.

Thanks Karabulut. Good advice!
 
Lube said:
* stop living for other people and start living for yourself (your own happiness), and

* get strong/angry enough that you are willing to sacrifice all friend & family relationships in order to declare your gayness.
Click to expand...

Yes, this is a very basic theme: you might consider it being two sides of the same coin: it's 'them' or 'you'. Are you being lived by other people's expectations or are you taking control of your own life?
 
Well although I was involved in gay activities in my teens I never actually allowed myself to believe I was gay until about 2 years ago. So in answer to your question would have been 26.

I don't really think there is an age range, it depends on a lot of things. If you really know who you are at a young age you accept it early on, but there are people out there who would go as far as taking it to their grave.

I'd say it's a persons surroundings rather than age to be honest.
 
At age 12, I found myself staring and dreaming about the hot blond guy that sat in front of me in 3rd period music class. I hadn't even thought about a guy before then, but I wanted to do things to him that I'm not even sure I knew were real sexual acts at the time. But, I never as much as held another guy's hand until I was 18. That's when I left my small town to go to college. Independence is great!
 
Lube said:
* stop living for other people and start living for yourself (your own happiness), and
Click to expand...


That's advice that everyone can use.
 
Age 19. Couldn't imagine being anything other than gay. My friends are gay, straight and bi.
 
Very late, like 28-29 (i.e. in the last year or so).

To me, the crucial step was to realise that what separated me from everyone else, deep down, wasn't my sexual preferences but the fact that I'd denied myself the experience of friendships and relationships and feelings that make us adult human beings. I would never become an adult human being if I didn't make peace with my sexuality.

If other people can't understand that, then so be it.

Everything since then has been practice.
 
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