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Avoiding people for no reason?

1

1David1

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So... I don't like staying home every weekend, yet I keep blowing everyone off. And when I say everyone, I mean one long time friend that doesn't even know I'm gay (lame, I know), one who's kind of a friend and might want something more (not my taste but a good guy) and another one I'm a little uncomfortable to turn down (we work together).

The problem is mostly me really. I'm not exactly happy right now and I'm not really excited to go out and show it. It's not fun. I know I should be trying to go out and make more friends, but when the chance comes I don't take it.

I don't feel like analyzing myself too much now, but every weekend it's the same old thing. I actually planned something for today and I've already been ignoring the second guy's calls and it really doesn't feel good. I feel like I should call back but I don't know what excuse to come up with this time. Any idea?
 
Just do it!!! I know that seems like an easy answer, however , if you go out you will probably end up having fun and will actually be happy. Stop thinking about how not happy you are and get out there and have some fun. Do it, do it this weekend!!
 
I feel like I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm kinda like that, too. I think you should do what Elwood says, though. I know at some point I'd try and take his advice... I mean, what else would you do? I pesonally get sick and tired of crying when I have my depression episodes, so I say go find something to do to keep your mind off things you don't wanna think about. :P
Good luck, and I hope you have fun! :)
 
Don't ditch people, just be honest. Say you aren't feeling up to going out and that you're sorry. If they try probing to see if something's wrong, then maybe it's someone you could open up to... Feeling closer to someone like that can make you less likely to wanna avoid them :confused:
 
Ditching people is really bad. Ignoring calls and not following through on your word will have further reaching consequences (people think all kinds of stuff).

Follow the advice above and text them and tell them your not up for it or something, but don't leave them hanging......makes people NUTS!

Jeff
 
Sounds like a great plan, if you wanna lose all your friends.

What is the reason why you're not feeling good to begin with?
 
Thanks for the advice. I ended up texting the guy saying that I won't be able to go, he didn't reply. I don't blame him.

I AM trying. I already forced myself to go out last time just to be nice, and in return I got weird looks from him and his friends for not wanting to dance the whole night and more stuff like that. Not fun to be analyzed when you're not in great shape.

It's sad but it's just weirder for me to go out. People have their lives, their real friends (I don't consider a straight "friend" who doesn't know I'm gay that much of a friend), their supportive families, I just have myself. I can't put on a happy face and be all talkative and fun.

I know what I'm doing is not smart, but it's just how I feel. I know I'll beat myself up for it later too. If I were more honest with people, I know I'd get so many negative labels even if they didn't matter. To be brutally honest, when I have to choose, I'd rather have people think I'm an asshole than think I'm weak or turn their backs after I open up. I know it's a mistake because I basically make sure I stay isolated, so I don't know how to rationalize this. Feelings are just feelings.

What is the reason why you're not feeling good to begin with?
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It's been like this for such a long time, so I don't even know where to begin with that. It's one thing leading to another. I simply don't have much to look forward to, nor the energy to want to change that anymore. I sound crazy.
 
Forgive me if this sounds rude, but isn't it a sign of weakness to avoid people and not deal with your problems?

You don't know anything until you put yourself out there. Stop scapegoating. Some people will give you dirty looks and/or run screaming, but that's the same with anybody when you share some deep personal truth.

The fact that your straight 'friend' doesn't know you're gay isn't his fault. Have you tried telling him?

I've been down this road of isolation, it's not healthy and for most people ends badly. If you can find one person though that continues to like you even after you open up it's worth it.

Forcing yourself to do something that you know for a fact that you aren't up for isn't ever going to help anything. I hate football, and no matter how many times I've tried to play/watch/understand it I just hate it. When I did try to play/watch/understand it I ended up just making the people around me uncomfortable because I didn't really want to be there.
If they are your friends, try to find something you like to do and get them involved in it. If they don't like it fine, but doing whatever it is will help you meet people who do enjoy it.

Should you have Agoraphobia/Demophobia you might consider seeing a therapist or counselor that can help you with that. Should you have Sociophobia I would consult a therapist. though honestly not sure how that would work if you're afraid of people in general....
 
1David1 said:
It's been like this for such a long time, so I don't even know where to begin with that. It's one thing leading to another. I simply don't have much to look forward to, nor the energy to want to change that anymore. I sound crazy.
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No, you sound depressed.

This sounds very much like someone who is in the middle of a depressive cycle- not wanting to socialize, not having energy and not being able to explain why they feel this way.
 
^ Probably, I just don't like the definition. I don't like to use that word on myself because it makes it sound like a medical condition or something.

The fact that your straight 'friend' doesn't know you're gay isn't his fault. Have you tried telling him?
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I started to try and come out as bisexual once (I'd have to lie to cover for my old lies) but I figured that'd be pathetic cause it's a lie too.

Only 2 of the people I mentioned are friends. The gay one I "ditched" last night likes partying, I don't. I think he might have a crush on me so I try to stay away from intimate stuff because as a friend he would be good. Anything else, no.

Call it ego or I don't know, but I'm not comfortable with people knowing too much about me. I don't think it's anyone's business how I'm doing. That image sticks with you even if you change.

Should you have Agoraphobia/Demophobia you might consider seeing a therapist or counselor that can help you with that. Should you have Sociophobia I would consult a therapist. though honestly not sure how that would work if you're afraid of people in general....
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Therapy is out of the question. I'm not "afraid" of people. I'm just not in the mood. Could be because I don't have a real connection with any of my so called friends. The straight friend is the only one who's actually really a friend, because I know he doesn't want something out of it.
 
1David1 said:
^ Probably, I just don't like the definition. I don't like to use that word on myself because it makes it sound like a medical condition or something.
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Well, call it "rhubarb pie" if you must but really, there's no reason to suffer. It is easily treated by something as simple as light therapy or exercise or if needed, by meds.

The thing with depres... errr... rhubarb pie is that it can taint everything in your life and relationships. It makes you do shitty things to nice people. It makes you do shitty things to yourself.

So, have a talk with your family doctor. Do something about it before you end up with a life that consists of sitting at home watching reality TV. Because eventually, your friends will tire of you and your rhubarb pie.
 
Why is therapy out of the question? There are several different types of therapy.

One type is the lie on a couch and spill your guts therapy.

There is group therapy where you can hear and see people that are going through some of the same things.

There is pet therapy, dogs, cats, dolphins really any animal that makes you feel happy.

Etc. Don't dismiss it because of a negative stereotype. Therapy isn't just for rapists and murderers. It's for people that don't have a support network.
 
Did you ever think there could be something physiologically wrong with you?

You could have thyroid problems for example and those cause rhubarb pie. The point is, have yourself checked.

But in reality, you're going to have to hit rock bottom (not going out to even go to work or not even leaving your bed) before you seek help (or not). So it's your decision and deciding not to do anything might end up being the harder way to go.
 
Therapy is just one of those things that aren't for me. I couldn't afford it if I wanted to, anyway. I'm saving up. I've tried it before - the therapist didn't get anything and offered anti-depressants right away. Total waste of money.



But in reality, you're going to have to hit rock bottom (not going out to even go to work or not even leaving your bed) before you seek help (or not).
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I already have. I've been in situations that are worse than where I am right now. It's just that now I've sort of accepted it... I'm not as mad about things not working out, I'm too tired to care about it. Yet at the same time I'm still not happy about it. I used to even try to go out to gay places by myself - no idea how I did that now.

Just so you know, I know that none of what I'm saying sounds normal. I hate typing all that stuff, but that's how it honestly is. Not proud of it.
 
Well, I'm guessing doctors wanted to try you out on meds for a reason. I degress.

Then go to the gym and lift or go out running. Natural endorphins will help you, give you more energy and confidence.

You're not really giving yourself many options dude.
 
I avoid ppl I haven't seen in a while when I bump into them at all cost. There's something very awkward about bumping into someone you met before.
 
To my knowledge only one of the therapies I listed actually costs anything other than the gas it would take to get there. Or the adoption fee for a pet, or a swim pass at sea world to swim with a dolphin.

/shrug

Find something that makes you happy. Or something that used to make you happy. Perhaps finding out why you no longer enjoy something that you used to will help.
 
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