Awkward flirting

[whatmynamesays]

Hey guys,

I'm new to this forum. It's actually the first time I've ever posted to any gay forum. So I'm a little excited and what I say may come across as kinda stupid but please take it easy on me. This is gonna be kinda long so brace yourselves.
I'll start my story from when I was 15 and in the 3d grade of junior high school. Back then I already knew I was bisexual ( men attract me mostly physically but I've also fallen in love with some girls). There was this kid in my class that was failry popular around school. He was witty and funny although he didn't talk much. One day a girlfriend of mine who didn't know I liked boys came to me and spontaneously told me that this guy was gay and she was a 100% sure about it. I didn't pay much attention to her words but I must admit they did pick my interest.
So when we started taking the german class, we were about 12 kids out of the 24 in total that were in the classroom and this guy (lets call him Mike for the sake of this story) was looking for a seat and he ended up sitting next to me. At first we would just chat and Mike would look at me in a way that just gave me an instant hard-on he had that shy yet naughty look in his eyes. Then as the days passed I realised he was resting his leg on mine all the time. It was like our legs were touching all the time. Back then that was the closest I had ever had that resembled a guy on guy flirt. The days passed and none dared to make any further moves. When we graduated and continued to senior high school we would no longer share any classes and we barely evere saw one another so nothing happened after that.
Now lets fast forward three years into the future. I'm now 19 and living alone going to college away from home. So tonight I took the bus back from my home town to Athens (Thats where I study- did I mention I am from Greece too?). On the bus a very handsome man came and sat next to me. This is rather unusual because here it's mostly elderly women that use the bus to travel to Athens. At first I was wishing he would just talk to me- not simply because I liked him but because being in the bus kinda sucks - but he just spent most of the ride playing with his phone. I took a nap for half the ride and then I woke up and I started playing with my phone too - I was playing Subway Surfers that's how bored I was. So when we were nearing Athens all of a sudden this guy turns to me and he asks me what the name of they game I was playing was because he really liked it and he spends a lot of time on the bus so he wants something to kill some time during the ride. Then we chatted for a while and we got introduced etc etc. But then we finally got to AThens and we got off the bus and said goodbye. Up to that point only one weird thing had happened : he asked me what my fb name was because he wanted to add me. Ok that's not too weird but when you've only talked to someone for like 10 minutes and he's like nearly 6 or 7 years younger than you, you wouldn't ask for his fb name or would you?
So after we said our goodbyes I took the subway. While I was waiting for my train I saw him at the other end of the platform waiting for the same train too. So I was feeling akward and was trying to hide and not directly stare at him but mere seconds before the train arrives - he is walking right towards me and he greets me again and we chat a little more. Then before he gets off the train he tells me that we should talk again and good-nights me.
So tonight after I got home I'm feeling kinda fucked up. I liked him. He was gentle and damn he was good-looking. But he didn't look gay. He didn't talk as if he was gay. Ηis clothing wasnt gay. And so I'm left wondering- what was that all about . I've fallen for many guys in my life that weren't gay at all and I feel afraid that the same thing is gonna happen now. And I can't just turn him into a jack-off fantasy- that wouldn't be right for him because he talke to me and was gentle and friendly and all.
So I just don't know. What am I supposed to do? I might as well never get a chance to talk to him again but at least I'ld like to know what you guys think.

 

[tarallucci]

Well, if he added you on Facebook you can continue from there.

"His clothing wasn't gay" doesn't mean anything. Actually that was a bit rude lol. Gay people dress like everyone.

 

[whatmynamesays]

Yeah sorry for that I know it sounded a little weird.. Perhaps I'll try som way to rephrase that.
I'm too shy too send him any messages. He most probably doesnt like me and is straight so I don't know what I should tell him.

 

[Seasoned]

Send him a message when he requests friend status. "Before I confirm I'd like you to know I'm gay. I'm assuming that that's not an issue, but I don't want things to get awkward."

 

[Craiger]

Welcome, WMNS! My question is, did he give you his fb name as well? If he didn't, all you have to do is wait to see if he actually adds you and messages you. If he did, it wouldn't be unusual for you to send a message relating some information you both discussed such as the game you were playing. I have a feeling he did like you or he wouldn't have approached you the second time. Whether he is gay or not he could become an interesting friend. There is no harm in cultivating a new friendship which could turn into something more.... Good luck and keep us informed.

Craiger

 

[Ganoderma]

hi whatmynamesays,

Welcome to JUB and good you have asked this question over here. I underline the advice of Seasoned to send him a message and tell him straightforward that you are a gay guy.

I disagree with your statement "He most probably doesnt like me", as I fail to understand why people disliking you want to become a FB friend of you.

So I would like to suggest you to send him a message, add him at Facebook (and maybe his FB profile will already give some sort of idea what kind of guy he is and if you would like to become one of his FB friends) and see how he is reacting. Please realize yourself that the large majority of straight people don't bother if a guy is gay or not.

Good luck and feel free to react and / or ask additional questions.

 

[tarallucci]

I wouldn't suggest to tell him you're gay with the first message, because it might sound like all you care about is to have him as a boyfriend, and in general, I don't think it's nice to say like "Hi, I'm gay" to introduce yourself... and it could alter a possible future friendship.

There is no reason to be shy if you "normally" talk to him just like you would with a new friend on the other hand, discussing games or asking him if he will take the bus again. Then from there you can maybe tell him that you like him, but take your time.
By how you described the situation he was willing to know you, so maybe he is "more" than straight as you guess.

Forgot to say welcome to the forum

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Ok... I'm invested in this story. I need to know how it ends.

 

[whatmynamesays]

Ok... I'm invested in this story. I need to know how it ends.

Well I'll let you all know as soon as I know..
Thanks a lot for your advice guys. I'm still thinking about it. I'm considering sending him a message on facebook about a random subject then trying to make the conversation more personal. For those of you who asked : He added me on fb. He was the one who suggested adding me too it wasn't like I told him : Pls send me a friend request.
But if he was interested in me, wouldn't he have sent me a private message? Because he hasn't. Well I dunno what I'm going to do. But I'm keeping my expectations low after all, I've been in the same situation as I am now like a hundred times in the past.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Just talk to him - you don't have to profess your undying love or ask him to marry you right off the bat. After you've had a FB conversation eventually ask to meet for coffee or something.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi whatmynamesays,

Great to hear he has accepted you as a friend on FB. I would like to tell you that I have changed my opinion towards telling him straightforward that you are gay (unless this is indicated in your profile, in such a case you don't need to discuss this topic with him). I tend to think that he will be aware that you might be a gay guy. Does his profile give any clues that he might be gay (or the other way around, meaning he might be a homophobe)? How about your profile? On the other hand, loads and loads of people with an FB account don't provide such details about themselves (in particular when they don't have kids / a partner, etc.).

There are various options to contact him. An easy way is to check his (recent) postings and like some of them. Don't rule out the possibility that he will also contact you for a chat.

Borg is right. Start any conversation with him as low-profile as possible. Such a conversation can be about almost everything. Any idea about his work (and he can ask many questions about your study).

Good luck, take care and take your time.

 

[whatmynamesays]

hey guys,

I just wanted you all to know that I haven't made any progress in the past few days.. I took a look at his fb page and didn't find any hints whether he is gay or not - he seems to like working out and sports in general and travelling and he has many pictures with his buddies but other than than it didn't tell me much more about him - only thing I know for sure is that he didn't have any pictures with a girlfriend or any comments left on his photos by any girls that could be girlfriends of his...
My worst problem is that I've been feeling like shit for the past few days since we met. I want to make a move but he hasn't and I'm afraid that might mean he is not interested and that I'm gonna be disapointed and hurt - also I'm taking my semester exams and there's a whole lotta pressure on me and I can't talk about it with friends because I've haven't told any of them I like men , although by now they've started figuring out something is bringing me down because as I said for the past few days I've been a wreck.
I was an utter idiot too- when he talked me in the bus I was so shy and giving him messed up answers - I must have come across as if I was drunk or high or dumb and I haven't liked any of his pictures because I don't know what my friends will think if they see I've liked them and I haven't sent him any messages either- maybe I'm the one who doesn't want us to get to know each other..
I just don't know. this has never happened to me before and I'm at a loss.

 

[tarallucci]

I see. Well, since you're feeling bad over it, the best thing would be sending him a message, he rejecting you is a possibility to take into account either ways.
Like I said, there is nothing to feel shy of if you just ask him "hey how are you doing" and see if he's in the mood to go on with the conversation.
You could also like one of his pictures on FB, maybe one where he is with his friends and not one where he is showing off his muscles so that your friends won't suspect anything.

You could do your exams first if you're not feeling too much comfortable with the situation.
I think you will have to do your move at some point, because he did his on the bus it seems, and maybe he is the one thinking that hasn't been "appreciated".
Of course don't take it for granted as he really might be straight, having no pictures with girls might just mean he is a reserved person...

 

[whatmynamesays]

I see. Well, since you're feeling bad over it, the best thing would be sending him a message, he rejecting you is a possibility to take into account either ways.
Like I said, there is nothing to feel shy of if you just ask him "hey how are you doing" and see if he's in the mood to go on with the conversation.
You could also like one of his pictures on FB, maybe one where he is with his friends and not one where he is showing off his muscles so that your friends won't suspect anything.

You could do your exams first if you're not feeling too much comfortable with the situation.
I think you will have to do your move at some point, because he did his on the bus it seems, and maybe he is the one thinking that hasn't been "appreciated".
Of course don't take it for granted as he really might be straight, having no pictures with girls might just mean he is a reserved person...

Thanks a lot for the advice.. I'm pretty sure that's what I'm gonna do sooner or later. Also when I said he liked working out I didn't mean he is one of those hormone-induced beasts he is just fit and has some pictures riding his bike or on the beach etc etc... Not that it makes much of a difference but I just wanted to clarify this.. !

 

[Ganoderma]

hi whatmynamesays,

I feel very sorry that you feel depressed about the current situation and that you are unable to discuss these items with your friends. I would like to advice you to start to tell at least one of your friends (male or female does not matter) what is the real cause why you feel depressed. This means you will tell them that you like guys. You don't have told us alot about the background of your friends, I tend to think (but please correct me when I am wrong) that they are not homophobes and that they will accept that you like guys. Please realize yourself that any friendship with a friend will never ever become very good / deep when you are unable to discuss with them about your real feelings. Its ofcourse up to you to set this step. Do you have any clues that (some of) your friends will react in a bad way?

Well, I am 58, so maybe I am even older then the friendly guy you met in the bus. I would not bother that you can't find any clues on his FB account that he might be gay (though you also not seem to find evidence that he is straight [ info about kids, a wife, remarks about pretty girls, or whatever]). That's the case for many people on Facebook, including myself. No need to worry and please also don't worry that he might not like you. Please remember that he liked you when you met each other in real life, so he did not bother that you were shy (or something like that). I even think it would be no problem at all that it will take some time before there is again contact between both of you.

I also tend to think that its good that you first concentrate on your exams. I have also no idea how often you are posting messages on FB. Please also note that several people with an FB account will never ever 'like' / comment on any posting, but that such people are very well aware what's going on. I agree with tarallucci that you should set the first step. I even can imagine that this means that you like an old posting of him (and / or make a comment on this posting).

Anyway, take your time, please don't hesitate to respond and/or ask for more help, etc.