The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Back and Forward - Advice Needed

A

angedy

Joined
Mar 11, 2013
Posts
23
Reaction score
0
Points
0
I know you guys are probably tired of reading and getting asked the same questions over and over again, but I need your help on some decisions or ways to go about it...

There is a long back story to this, and I can provide more info if that matters, but I will summarize a lot.

In February of this year I crossed the line with my best friend. He is straight. I asked if he had ever been with another guy and he said no....I ended up giving him a BJ. Things were awkward and he did not speak to me for a week after that night. Eventually we started talking again and he did not want to talk about what had happened, so the subject was put aside.

All these months though we have continued to keep playing around, every weekend when we hang out, we end up doing something. No complaints here so far. :D sometimes he is completely fine right after and sometimes he is not. We have gone all the way 3 times already. But 2 out of those 3 times, he has stopped halfway and instantly regrets it.... Which leads me to last night:

Right in the middle, he stops and pulls out and says that he can't, and that he was finished. I asked him if anything was wrong, and he said nothing back. We got dressed and he took me home.

--------------------------------​

Do you guys think that he is confused about his sexuality and is still struggling with it? He is 22, btw. Has had my girlfriends and is currently trying to get into a relationship with a girl.

We recently (past) talked about what we were doing, and he made me promise that I would not bring up the subject and that we would do it anymore because it was "not right" and that it bother him, I told him that I understood him and would keep my word, and I did, but a week later, he broke that and asked me if I wanted to fuck....

What do I do with this/him? I have an emotional attachment to him and very much like him. But I really hate this back and forward thing that's going on. At the end of the day, he is still my best friend and hopefully it stays that way. But since last night, he has been distant (nothing new), he sent me a text today with some info he was helping me with and at the end he wrote: don't bother replying....

Guys, I'm not worried about loosing his friendship, if he did not want us to be friends, he would have disappeared a long time ago.

What do you guys think? Thanks for your help!
 
He is in a struggle with himself, sounds like he is afraid that he might not be as str8 as you say that he is. You didn't make him do anything, so don't feel guilty.
He has to come to terms with his sexuality. don't be his toy. Tell him if he wants to have some fun it's fine with you, but you don't need the drama.
 
peeonme said:
He is in a struggle with himself, sounds like he is afraid that he might not be as str8 as you say that he is. You didn't make him do anything, so don't feel guilty.
He has to come to terms with his sexuality. don't be his toy. Tell him if he wants to have some fun it's fine with you, but you don't need the drama.
Click to expand...

This is What I am leaning towards. I have not asked him if he is gay or maybe bisexual. But I highly doubt that any straight guy would go as far as he has... And you are right, I don't want this drama thing, it's just that it's extremely hard saying no to the sex, the attraction is too much lol
 
OK, don't start tossing out ultimatums.

There are plenty of guys who can get off with you but will NEVER fall in love with you. It's usually a function of horniness. I knew one guy who would fuck me whenever he didn't have a woman - but abandoned me for twat every time. Was he secretly gay? No. He was a horny bastard to whom I was providing convenient, consequence free orgasms.

Be careful with "bi." People define this in very different ways. Some straight guys are not "bi" because YOU have the cock in your mouth and ass, not them. Some straight guys are not "bi" because they will never kiss you. Some straight guys are not "bi" because they are actually incapable of conceiving of building a life and relationship with you even though they like to throat rape you on a full moon.

I've also been there with the guy who stops half way through and says verbatim "this is wrong." they say that because for them it is - whatever the reason. A gay guy who came out of his closet long enough to fuck you, would fuck you AND THEN say, this is wrong. No matter WHAT he means by that, the certain thing that's obvious is issues.

Sugar LISTEN when they say this. Your cock and ass will not get them over it.

In any event this guy is in no position to be your boyfriend gay or not.

Stop putting yourself in situations that are just causing you to suffer. Go find a GAY guy.
 
TX-Beau said:
OK, don't start tossing out ultimatums.

There are plenty of guys who can get off with you but will NEVER fall in love with you. It's usually a function of horniness. I knew one guy who would fuck me whenever he didn't have a woman - but abandoned me for twat every time. Was he secretly gay? No. He was a horny bastard to whom I was providing convenient, consequence free orgasms.

Be careful with "bi." People define this in very different ways. Some straight guys are not "bi" because YOU have the cock in your mouth and ass, not them. Some straight guys are not "bi" because they will never kiss you. Some straight guys are not "bi" because they are actually incapable of conceiving of building a life and relationship with you even though they like to throat rape you on a full moon.

I've also been there with the guy who stops half way through and says verbatim "this is wrong." they say that because for them it is - whatever the reason. A gay guy who came out of his closet long enough to fuck you, would fuck you AND THEN say, this is wrong. No matter WHAT he means by that, the certain thing that's obvious is issues.

Sugar LISTEN when they say this. Your cock and ass will not get them over it.

In any event this guy is in no position to be your boyfriend gay or not.

Stop putting yourself in situations that are just causing you to suffer. Go find a GAY guy.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your great advice TX-Beau! I am in a difficult position with him being my best friend. I know that from his side is not a simple fuck just for the "release" or because he is horny. He has shown emotions and feelings from time to time. And it's not just him fucking me. He has allowed me slowly but surely to penetrate him, brief time, but it happened. We have also kissed if that counts at all, to me it doesn't make any difference. I figure that he is in a struggle with his sexual identity and is not being true to himself and others. He is very macho and has a lot of pride. It sucks that I am being dragged though...
 
No, no no no.

Stop that line of reasoning right there.

Of course he has feelings for you he's your best friend. All best friends have feelings for each other, that doesn't necessarily mean he's incapable of getting off with you when he's horny, or that it has some deep meaning.

What you are doing is proceeding to the evidence from the conclusion. It's fucking with you head. Facts are he's having issues with the gay sex with you. That's why you aren't blissfully happy that he's fucking you.

You're not, you're confused and hopeful, and being strung along whether he means to do that or not.

AND YOU are guilty of not protecting yourself FIRST.

It may be as simple as he feels comfortable experimenting with you (you're very young) because you are there, and he trusts you, or he is your friend and thinks you want it so why not?

We all have had that one guy we wanted so much we reinvented reality. So look at the facts. He says he's straight, he says he's uncomfortable, he's looking for a woman, hell he doesn't even want to talk about it.

Stop sleeping with him, it's distracting you from finding a healthy sex partner.

You don't have to stop being his friend.
 
TX-Beau said:
No, no no no.

Stop that line of reasoning right there.

Of course he has feelings for you he's your best friend. All best friends have feelings for each other, that doesn't necessarily mean he's incapable of getting off with you when he's horny, or that it has some deep meaning.

What you are doing is proceeding to the evidence from the conclusion. It's fucking with you head. Facts are he's having issues with the gay sex with you. That's why you aren't blissfully happy that he's fucking you.

You're not, you're confused and hopeful, and being strung along whether he means to do that or not.

AND YOU are guilty of not protecting yourself FIRST.

It may be as simple as he feels comfortable experimenting with you (you're very young) because you are there, and he trusts you, or he is your friend and thinks you want it so why not?

We all have had that one guy we wanted so much we reinvented reality. So look at the facts. He says he's straight, he says he's uncomfortable, he's looking for a woman, hell he doesn't even want to talk about it.

Stop sleeping with him, it's distracting you from finding a healthy sex partner.

You don't have to stop being his friend.
Click to expand...

I am probably making a lot out of nothing. And you are absolutely right, I do need to find a healthy sex partner. This is particularly hard, for lots of reasons, main one being me. This has been my first sexual experience, and I've developed a huge crush. What I cannot fully understand is his desires to do it, because he is the one that starts the whole thing.
 
Don't ever try to decipher someone else's head. That is the culprit for more grief, misunderstanding, resentment, and confusion than just about anything else.

If he wants to talk, talk, if he won't he won't and you just won't get answers - and sometimes you don't, such is life.

DO NOT make things up in your head about what he's feeling. You only know what he's willing to tell you, and you can't come out for him if he wants to hide.


OK now lets talk about you. I've only rarely heard a gay man who said he didn't get a huge crush on his first. But sugar, be very very careful because a huge proportion of the time what you are feeling is the rush, the freedom, the "right" of being with a man, the culmination of all those frustrated and hidden feelings you've been forced to keep to yourself all these years.

Gay men do not have the freedoms in our teenage years that straight guys get when it comes to dating and sex, and so when you get that first one - it's LIKE love.

But it isn't. Once you've dated a few guys you'll have a much better idea if this is real or not.

No matter what, this guy is not a viable prospect for anything but friendship or heartbreak. Usually I'd tell you to stay away from him because it's easy to use a guy like that as a crutch, but you probably won't so just stop sleeping with him and go find some gay men to date.
 
TX-Beau said:
Don't ever try to decipher someone else's head. That is the culprit for more grief, misunderstanding, resentment, and confusion than just about anything else.

If he wants to talk, talk, if he won't he won't and you just won't get answers - and sometimes you don't, such is life.

DO NOT make things up in your head about what he's feeling. You only know what he's willing to tell you, and you can't come out for him if he wants to hide.


OK now lets talk about you. I've only rarely heard a gay man who said he didn't get a huge crush on his first. But sugar, be very very careful because a huge proportion of the time what you are feeling is the rush, the freedom, the "right" of being with a man, the culmination of all those frustrated and hidden feelings you've been forced to keep to yourself all these years.

Gay men do not have the freedoms in our teenage years that straight guys get when it comes to dating and sex, and so when you get that first one - it's LIKE love.

But it isn't. Once you've dated a few guys you'll have a much better idea if this is real or not.

No matter what, this guy is not a viable prospect for anything but friendship or heartbreak. Usually I'd tell you to stay away from him because it's easy to use a guy like that as a crutch, but you probably won't so just stop sleeping with him and go find some gay men to date.
Click to expand...

I hear you. And I know better to keep my head leveled. It's practically impossible to have the best of both worlds. I care deeply for his friendship and that's ultimately what I need to protect. I will do my best to try and stop sleeping with him. I have tried to have "the conversation" with him, but he is very introverted and answers very few questions; the easy ones.

I got to thank you for having this chat with me and giving me your take on it, since I am not completely myself and I'm practically blind.
 
He's confused and struggling with many issues. His struggles aren't your fault. It's his issues to deal with and he needs to figure out who he is. I do strongly disagree with your statement that you're not going to lose him as a friend. I can't guarantee it either way but losing him is a very real possibility. Especially the way he's acting. He's conflictef and confused. These forums are full of posts from guys that were friends for years and closer than brothers. Sex got in the mix, things turned weird and the friendship ended. Some of the things you've said he's said makes me think he's closer to ending it than you realize.

I wouldn't give him an ultimatum but Id stop having sex with him. Just tell him you value his friendship more than sex and you think it would be best if you stop doing it. It's confusing both of you and its going to cause your friendship too fall apart. There are plenty of guys out there to hook up with. Keep him as a friend before your starting a new thread about how you lost your friend over sex

Steven
 
This guy is a mess and is so deep in the closet that he's likely not to figure himself out for years to come. This is not your problem, and not the drama you need to take on in your life. If you truly value his friendship, you will stop having sex with him. He is going to damage and hurt other men he's going to experiment with before he finds himself. Its best that it's not you. You need to devote your sexuality to out gay men who want you for who you are. As hot and close you are to your friend, he is going to destroy you emotionally.

In fact, I would even consider removing yourself from the friendship entirely. You'll only feel miserable when you find out he starts experimenting with other guys, so why go through this? What if he continues to pressure you for more sex then pulls out halfway through? That's awful to go through. No gay man should be blue-balled like that.
 
Very true. You're going to feel like hell when he's hooking up with someone other than you. It hurts but he's so conflicted he's going to hurt people before he figures out what he wants. You have to decide if it's going to be you. Remember what it felt like when he stopped in the middle of sex. Its probably going to happen again. The sex is just confusing both of you. Best to stop it before things get worse

Best of luck to you

Steven
 
Just_Believe18 said:
This guy is a mess and is so deep in the closet that he's likely not to figure himself out for years to come. This is not your problem, and not the drama you need to take on in your life. If you truly value his friendship, you will stop having sex with him. He is going to damage and hurt other men he's going to experiment with before he finds himself. Its best that it's not you. You need to devote your sexuality to out gay men who want you for who you are. As hot and close you are to your friend, he is going to destroy you emotionally.

In fact, I would even consider removing yourself from the friendship entirely. You'll only feel miserable when you find out he starts experimenting with other guys, so why go through this? What if he continues to pressure you for more sex then pulls out halfway through? That's awful to go through. No gay man should be blue-balled like that.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the advice. I truly hope that I don't loose him as a friend. We did speak about what we valued more and mutually agreed that it was our friendship. We both promised that we would not do it again, or mention or insinuate anything. A week later,he could not keep that promise and we ended up doing it. I am at fault too for not refusing.
 
What matters more than his sexuality or his feelings is you. The sex has been consensual followed by his regret. How much more of that are you willing to take?

The reason his sexuality is immaterial at this point is that you deserve adult, satisfying (both before, during and after) sexual experiences. When you behave as if he is the only game in time you give away your personal power, your emotional well being, and possibly your dignity and self-respect.
 
What I think is going on is, guys are programmed to spread their seed as far and wide as possible. The thing is, their clocks can betray them. Being close to you, talking sex and the flattery, and knowing you're interested and willing seems to be enough to push all the right buttons on him to get his hormones to kick in and take over, but his emotional and mental states kick in at some point during or after conflicting with the physical response.

I don't think most straight guys are very in tuned with their own feelings, and what could be happening is he's now questioning his own sexuality because he was able to get off with a guy. This doesn't make him gay or bi... this makes him a slave to his own biological reactions.

I think he's using you as an easy cum dump, but emotionally he's not there.
 
So often, these stories end up being about the confused "straight guy" and concern for his troubles.

That ends up making the other person either the gay guy taking advantage of the straight guy... or the gay guy being taken advantage of by the straight guy. Neither view is very flattering for the gay guy, is it?

It's up to you to get out of this passive "whenever he wants me" situation and end it. He wants you to end it but when there's the least sign of weakness on his part, you're ready and willing to let him work out his latent feelings.

Friends don't do that to each other.

You're 22. Life if short. Every day that you spend blowing or getting fucked by your confused friend is another day that you could be spending with a guy who knows what he wants, returns your feelings and isn't afraid of his own feelings.
 
You can't say you weren't warned. Nearly everyone that has replied to your initial post has told you you're basically being used and risking your friendship. This is a train wreck that is just around the corner. You've decided to not take the advice almost everyone has given you. The rest falls onto your shoulders.

How do you think we've come to give you pretty much the same answers just worded differently? Its because we've been there, know someone that has done the same thing or seen about 100 of the same threads. Have some self respect man. You said you talked with him decided not to bring sex up any more and he wanted it. Don't put all the blame on him. You were there too. You could have said no. Are a few minutes of fun worth all this drama and confusion? Apparently it must be. I stand by the advice I gave and there's no reason to give any more. You're going to do what you want.

Steven
 
Just my two cents worth: under the circumstances you're in, here's my suggestion: sex is fun and enjoyable, so enjoy it but let him ask for it, beg for it even. don't initiate it, never. You want the sex just as much as he does - it looks so obvious from your description lol.
He's searching things for himself, and you're an accessory. This will take time, years perhaps.

This is the fun part and the hard part: like others' suggestion above, look for someone else. Someone not conflicted. Go on dates with others - who knows, you might get lucky. Friends with benefits? Why not? You obviously have a crush on your friend but when you tell him openly (and don't hide this fact from him) that you're dating other guys or actively looking, your 'friend' will suddenly face his own facts and conclusions about what his true feelings are for you and might even help him figure out where you and him stand. If you're 'date' is open-minded, you might even have a threesome with your 'friend' and help him along further in his exploration. It appears he's halfway there anyway.

You're all young. You'll experiment, fall in love, break up, and search again. Your friend knows who you are and where you stand, so you looking for others shouldn't be a stretch for him, since 'you value your friendship together'. He will reach his own conclusions when you're dating another guy. Your friend will either compete for your affection and want more, stop having sex with you and still keep your friendship, dump you as a friend, make you a fuckbuddy, make your date his fuckbuddy, make the two of you his fuckbuddies, date your date, become comfortable with himself and tell you flat out whether he's straight, gay or bi.... There are more possibilities not listed but I'm getting tired.

Bottom line: look for another guy to date at least or hookup so you can move on away from the drama. Wear condoms. Be safe.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top