Admitting it to yourself is a very import first step. You say you are not ready to give up - why? Because it's easier not to? Because you fear you could fail while trying? Or because you really like it, although you know it's bad for you?
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Back At One
- Thread starter Corny
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Georgiadude
JUB Addict
Bradlee,
I have been fighting addiction for almost 12 years. This past August 15 I celebrated 1 year clean. That's the longest I have made it in those 12 years. I am addicted to prescription pain medications. The Dr. was my dealer. I lied to countless physicians to get what I needed. It doesn't matter if you get the drugs from the pharmacy or street corner. Your brain doesn't know, nor care who gave it to you. As long as you have it.
I'm not fully aware of your past. Frankly it doesn't matter. The past is the past. What matters is where you are right now and what you need to do about it. First, get to a meeting. I know you went to a couple this weekend. Thats great and a good start. Did you talk with anyone? I know you are by far not the first person to have relapsed. Shit, if I had a dollar for every time I relapsed. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a disease and your disease is active right now. If someone at those meetings judges you for relapsing they need to be shown the door. I'd be willing to bet over 3/4 of the addicts in that room have relapsed. It happens. Don't worry what others are thinking. If it's like any of the meetings I've gone to you will be welcomed back with open arms. They will help you but you have to let them know you need help.
The best advice I can give you is to get into a formal rehab program. They will help you detox and deal with the withdrawl symptoms both physical and mental. There are so many great facilities all over the country. You can't fight this on your own. You know that. You need to get professional help now. I went to two of the best rehab's in the country. If you would like the names pm me and I will be glad to help in any way I can. I can't stress this enough. you need professional help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Please, your life depends on it.
Also check out the Narcotics Anonymous website. There are great resources available.
Steven.
I have been fighting addiction for almost 12 years. This past August 15 I celebrated 1 year clean. That's the longest I have made it in those 12 years. I am addicted to prescription pain medications. The Dr. was my dealer. I lied to countless physicians to get what I needed. It doesn't matter if you get the drugs from the pharmacy or street corner. Your brain doesn't know, nor care who gave it to you. As long as you have it.
I'm not fully aware of your past. Frankly it doesn't matter. The past is the past. What matters is where you are right now and what you need to do about it. First, get to a meeting. I know you went to a couple this weekend. Thats great and a good start. Did you talk with anyone? I know you are by far not the first person to have relapsed. Shit, if I had a dollar for every time I relapsed. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a disease and your disease is active right now. If someone at those meetings judges you for relapsing they need to be shown the door. I'd be willing to bet over 3/4 of the addicts in that room have relapsed. It happens. Don't worry what others are thinking. If it's like any of the meetings I've gone to you will be welcomed back with open arms. They will help you but you have to let them know you need help.
The best advice I can give you is to get into a formal rehab program. They will help you detox and deal with the withdrawl symptoms both physical and mental. There are so many great facilities all over the country. You can't fight this on your own. You know that. You need to get professional help now. I went to two of the best rehab's in the country. If you would like the names pm me and I will be glad to help in any way I can. I can't stress this enough. you need professional help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Please, your life depends on it.
Also check out the Narcotics Anonymous website. There are great resources available.
Steven.
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bradlee said:
Nah, you know that embarrassment is not a good enough reason to avoid getting back into treatment. It's not like you're the first person who has fallen off the wagon.
Recidivism is part of it. They know it. You know it.
So do what you need to do to get your life back on track.
I'm so sorry to see you having to go thru this again, Bradlee! 
Steven has given you some good advice. I hope Bob can help you too. Reaching out is the best advice I can suggest.
My prayers are with you, dude!
Steven has given you some good advice. I hope Bob can help you too. Reaching out is the best advice I can suggest.
My prayers are with you, dude!
Georgiadude
JUB Addict
Bradlee,
How are things going? I've been thinking about you a lot and am hoping you are ok. I know some of what you are going through and I know the power the drugs have. Addiction is a cold, heartless bastard. It destroys everyone it can. Please don't let it destroy you. Fight. Fight this and get your life back. Don't give drugs another day of your life. I hope you are getting the help you need and my thoughts are with you.
Steven.
How are things going? I've been thinking about you a lot and am hoping you are ok. I know some of what you are going through and I know the power the drugs have. Addiction is a cold, heartless bastard. It destroys everyone it can. Please don't let it destroy you. Fight. Fight this and get your life back. Don't give drugs another day of your life. I hope you are getting the help you need and my thoughts are with you.
Steven.
I missed this thread the first time through.
I don't know what to say, bradlee. Anything I try to say will just come out sounding touchy-feely and Hallmarkish.
So, I'll just say this--While you might feel ashamed of yourself in admitting this has hold of you right now, I'm incredibly proud of you. Stripping away lies to reveal a hard truth is a courageous thing, and it makes you a better man in my eyes, not a lesser one.
I wish you didn't feel you needed it. I wish you didn't feel so obviously bad about needing it.
Mostly I just wish I could wrap my arms around you and make it better for a moment.
The life you've had is one of the hardest I've ever come in contact with. But I know that horrible life is NOT the man I came to meet, know and care about. He's far greater than the things he came from.
I pray he recognizes that some day, as those who love him already know.
I don't know what to say, bradlee. Anything I try to say will just come out sounding touchy-feely and Hallmarkish.
So, I'll just say this--While you might feel ashamed of yourself in admitting this has hold of you right now, I'm incredibly proud of you. Stripping away lies to reveal a hard truth is a courageous thing, and it makes you a better man in my eyes, not a lesser one.
I wish you didn't feel you needed it. I wish you didn't feel so obviously bad about needing it.
Mostly I just wish I could wrap my arms around you and make it better for a moment.
The life you've had is one of the hardest I've ever come in contact with. But I know that horrible life is NOT the man I came to meet, know and care about. He's far greater than the things he came from.
I pray he recognizes that some day, as those who love him already know.
Well, bradlee, change the fucking record, hon.
You're the one with the quarter feeding the jukebox, baby.
The rest of us hear the beautiful music you're capable of.
Gloomy torch songs and emo outbursts have their place in our lives, they do.
But there's other music we can play as well. When was the last time you just really let your spirit dance, Hon?
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If you go back and read your last couple posts, there's a trend toward passive voice. The actor in your sentences is your job, your addiction and your depression. You are just the passive recipient.
It has not changed you- You have changed you.
So, you've convinced yourself that pot is fixing your problems.
You realize that the pot is causing a lot of your depression, right?
Pot as a recreational drug is one thing but frequent use just sucks the energy out life.
These problems are yours to fix. The pot is just allowing you to hide behind your addiction and it allows you to blame something else for your problems.
What's it going to take for you to get back into treatment?
You know, this may just be a coincidence, but it seems we're on a seasonal cycle. In December 2006, your addiction got out of control. About this same time last year, it got worse.
Are you sure that your problem is not seasonal affect disorder? You wouldn't be the first person to try to self-medicate a seasonal affect disorder.
It has not changed you- You have changed you.
Bradlee said:
So, you've convinced yourself that pot is fixing your problems.
You realize that the pot is causing a lot of your depression, right?
Pot as a recreational drug is one thing but frequent use just sucks the energy out life.
These problems are yours to fix. The pot is just allowing you to hide behind your addiction and it allows you to blame something else for your problems.
What's it going to take for you to get back into treatment?
You know, this may just be a coincidence, but it seems we're on a seasonal cycle. In December 2006, your addiction got out of control. About this same time last year, it got worse.
Are you sure that your problem is not seasonal affect disorder? You wouldn't be the first person to try to self-medicate a seasonal affect disorder.
Miss Ruby
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I missed this thread....I`m so sorry...
You shall not break me,
you shall flow over me
like water on a rock
I shall stand strong
against anything you throw at me...
^ This is sooo YOU.
Whenever life wanted to break you, your answer was:
F*** you bit** !!
Say it again Bradlee, please...look for professional help
I believe in you, I always did.
Because of the distance I just can offer you my virtual shoulder to lean on.
Love ya
You shall not break me,
you shall flow over me
like water on a rock
I shall stand strong
against anything you throw at me...
^ This is sooo YOU.
Whenever life wanted to break you, your answer was:
F*** you bit** !!
Say it again Bradlee, please...look for professional help
I believe in you, I always did.
Because of the distance I just can offer you my virtual shoulder to lean on.
Love ya
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
The list is an admirable one, bradlee, but it's deficient in one major way - most of the items are too vague. "Go to San Antonio" is one of the good ones. It's specific. You can plan for it. (To wit, when are you planning to go? What do you need to do to make that happen?) The rest are rather nebulous and harder to pin down.
Let me rewrite your list, turning each item into a more specific task. I may be on the wrong track on some of them, or push them too far forward for your liking. Which is fine - feel free to readjust them as you see fit.
Get finances in order
Create a weekly budget. Once a week, go through the banking and spending and readjust as needed.
Get health in order
(not sure what this entails, so I'll be vague.) Begin exercise program. Exercise twice a week for at least half an hour. Start eating a very healthy dinner twice a week.
Figure out retirement plan
Create a retirement plan. Look into various 401K programs, and start paying into one.
Get teeth fixed
Look into dental work, and figure out what procedures need to get done. Find out the costs based on medical coverage. Choose a dentist and visit him for a preliminary visit.
Practice honesty
This one is OK.
Give up cigarettes/pot/endless cruising
Get rid of all lighters, pipes, bongs and papers in the house. Try out other means of relaxation - hot baths, music, exercise, meditation. Delete my accounts on cruising websites, and stop going to cruising spots. Work on meeting more people and making more friends, to reduce the need for cruising.
Go to San Antonio
Create a plan and budget so the trip to San Antonio can take place. Keep in contact with the planners and other attendees, so I can figure out hotel arrangements and a schedule.
Stay ahead of things
Get a calendar to write down all the things I need to do and work on. Spend time each week revisiting it, deciding what things I need more time on, and what I need to devote more energy to.
Get back to basics in the program
Arrange a visit with the head person in the program to discuss my backsliding, and come up with a plan of attack to work on reversing that.
Ask for help
Whenever the feelings get overwhelming, talk to the people around me for assistance.
Get a new sponsor
Hm, maybe this one should go before what I wrote two above.
Write again
Start a daily blog on my computer, and write at least a paragraph in it every night. Post at least two of my entries a week onto JUB or another website.
Stretching these things out to very specific actions and goals will make it a lot easier for you to accomplish them. Once you get the list to a version you like, go ahead and print it out, and post it on your fridge (or somewhere else handy). Then, every morning, go read it. If there's a specific one-time action to be done ("throw out lighters"), feel free to cross it off once you've done it. Don't black it out - just lightly cross it out. It's a nice feeling to see you've accomplished something. If it's an ongoing thing, obviously, don't cross it out. If there's something you'd like to work on more, highlight it. And keep at it. Yes, it's many steps. But every step you take gets you closer to your goal.
Lex
Let me rewrite your list, turning each item into a more specific task. I may be on the wrong track on some of them, or push them too far forward for your liking. Which is fine - feel free to readjust them as you see fit.
Get finances in order
Create a weekly budget. Once a week, go through the banking and spending and readjust as needed.
Get health in order
(not sure what this entails, so I'll be vague.) Begin exercise program. Exercise twice a week for at least half an hour. Start eating a very healthy dinner twice a week.
Figure out retirement plan
Create a retirement plan. Look into various 401K programs, and start paying into one.
Get teeth fixed
Look into dental work, and figure out what procedures need to get done. Find out the costs based on medical coverage. Choose a dentist and visit him for a preliminary visit.
Practice honesty
This one is OK.
Give up cigarettes/pot/endless cruising
Get rid of all lighters, pipes, bongs and papers in the house. Try out other means of relaxation - hot baths, music, exercise, meditation. Delete my accounts on cruising websites, and stop going to cruising spots. Work on meeting more people and making more friends, to reduce the need for cruising.
Go to San Antonio
Create a plan and budget so the trip to San Antonio can take place. Keep in contact with the planners and other attendees, so I can figure out hotel arrangements and a schedule.
Stay ahead of things
Get a calendar to write down all the things I need to do and work on. Spend time each week revisiting it, deciding what things I need more time on, and what I need to devote more energy to.
Get back to basics in the program
Arrange a visit with the head person in the program to discuss my backsliding, and come up with a plan of attack to work on reversing that.
Ask for help
Whenever the feelings get overwhelming, talk to the people around me for assistance.
Get a new sponsor
Hm, maybe this one should go before what I wrote two above.
Write again
Start a daily blog on my computer, and write at least a paragraph in it every night. Post at least two of my entries a week onto JUB or another website.
Stretching these things out to very specific actions and goals will make it a lot easier for you to accomplish them. Once you get the list to a version you like, go ahead and print it out, and post it on your fridge (or somewhere else handy). Then, every morning, go read it. If there's a specific one-time action to be done ("throw out lighters"), feel free to cross it off once you've done it. Don't black it out - just lightly cross it out. It's a nice feeling to see you've accomplished something.
If it's an ongoing thing, obviously, don't cross it out. If there's something you'd like to work on more, highlight it. And keep at it. Yes, it's many steps. But every step you take gets you closer to your goal. Lex
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Not sure. It may be that you've learned to associate alcohol with negative things - benders, alcoholics, what have you. But there's no real parallel for pot. "Pothead" is almost a term of an endearment - someone who giggles a lot, and says "Smoke a bowl man" and eats cookies. That might not be something you aspire to, but compared to the mental image of "alcoholic", it's pretty benign.
Lex
Lex