Being Gay... How to get started?

[xdriver995]

Hi,

I'm 24 and am completely in the closet. I have not had any sort of relationship with a guy (besides my straight friends). I've always thought about coming out, but the timing never seemed right. Most recentely, I've been in dental school, which I've come to realize is a profession that seems to be composed of very conservative individuals. Out of a class of 120 students, there is not one person that admits to being gay (though I'm sure they exist).

Pretending to be straight is getting old and I don't enjoy it. I also don't enjoy not having ever had a truthful relationship. Lately, I've been feeling too lazy to put on the act, so I just make excuses for not going out to bars/clubs/etc. Even if I did come out, I'm not sure how I would meet other guys. All I have right now are straight friends (with no gays around to talk to).

I thought about telling my parents, but that probably will never happen. I've never been close to them (we talk maybe once a month on the phone, usually for less than five minutes), and I know my sexualitys not the reason for this. I'm pretty sure my brothers know, but we've never really discussed it. It has been hinted at before though.

So back to my topic, how do I get started being gay. I guess I could tell my very few close friends (it seems like I never let anyone get all that close) and my brothers (this won't be a shocker). But then how do I go about making new friends and things like that. I know that when I do come out I will be treated differently (even if subconsciously). Fortunately, I am graduating from school shortly, so I will probably wait til then if I do. My personal life should not in any way affect my professional life or performance. I worry that if a patient is to find out I'm gay, they'll feel uncomfortable, and maybe seek another dentist.

I didn't mean to ramble on, I guess I'm just a bit confused about things. I appreciate any thoughts. Thanks

 

[M4P]

Hey

Your story doesn't differ from a lot of ours. Its not easy being gay in such a straight world

Are you aware of any GLBT clubs at your school? Have you considered checking in with the local GLBT association in the city you live? By doing so you can meet some like minded people and most likely find a few friends. You can also research gay or gay friendly businesses in your city such as book stores and coffee shops. When I was coming out I found a coffee bar that was frequented by gay men and met some people there.

Good luck to you. I'm glad you found JUB and posted. This is a great place to be and I'm sure more JUBers will post helpful insight and advice

B

 

[Soilwork]

I think you just started.

you told us.

Not a HUGE weight off your shoulders, but probably a weight just the same.

Good for you.

How do you do it? well.. I say this a lot..

What city do you live in? What things do you like to do?

How about you find a gay baseball team or a gay bowling league? I'm in a gay motorcycle club. There's a great place to make s few gay friends who won't be only in a sexually-charged, alcohol-fueling atmosphere. Once you've got a few gay friends, maybe you can go with them to a few gay bars and dance a bit and have some fun.

Maybe one of those guys from your team becomes a BF? Maybe just a fuck buddy? Hey, maybe just friends.

Why not come out to your brothers? It might be nice to have family that knows everything about you, wouldn't it?

 

[inlovewithanton]

I think you just started.

you told us.

Not a HUGE weight off your shoulders, but probably a weight just the same.

Good for you.

How do you do it? well.. I say this a lot..

What city do you live in? What things do you like to do?

How about you find a gay baseball team or a gay bowling league? I'm in a gay motorcycle club. There's a great place to make s few gay friends who won't be only in a sexually-charged, alcohol-fueling atmosphere. Once you've got a few gay friends, maybe you can go with them to a few gay bars and dance a bit and have some fun.

Maybe one of those guys from your team becomes a BF? Maybe just a fuck buddy? Hey, maybe just friends.

Why not come out to your brothers? It might be nice to have family that knows everything about you, wouldn't it?

Couldnt have said it better myself. I was lucky when I came out that I was living in New York City. It's pretty hard to feel out of place in New York.
But no matter where you live, you should try and be pro-active! Most of us dont bite unless you ask us to, so start looking around for gay oriented clubs. And like Soil said, good for you for taking that first step out!!

 

[ladygrey]

It's a long journey.

You know what?

Read some of the great blogs on this site. Just click on sometimes profile, look at their blog, and you might find some great stuff there.

I think it can be helpful. I do it when I feel alone.

*shrugs*
It's somewhere to start.

 

[jjc_7]

I think there has been lots of good advice given here...as Soilwork said, just simply writing it down and 'telling' other people is a good thing. That's how I did it...on this site, wrote out my story, and that's really where it all began. I began to become more comfortable with who I am, and as they say, the rest is history.

I thought it would be difficult to come out in my profession as well (I'm still a student, but will be starting a career in petroleum geology in May). I had the worst stereotypes about the people in the field, even though I spent all of my days with them and thought I knew them fairly well. But ya know, people will surprise you. I have been lucky in that I have not had a single bad experience telling someone that I am gay, and I have found out that a couple of other geologists that I am around are also gay. It also turned out that one of the guys who interviewed me (one of the head geologists) is also gay, I was totally shocked, but if was really good to see as well.

As for meeting people, I admit that I have found it difficult...but I joined a local gay swim club...didn't have the best of luck there due to my lack of attendance this semester because of school obligations, but there are over 200 members in that club alone. There is definite potential. Also, you may not know it now, but I'd bet that one of your friends could be gay too...a good friend of mine just came out in January. I had my suspicions, but didn't know for sure. Now, we're even closer than we had been, and we have some pretty wicked conversations these days.

So, your question...how do you get started? You've done the first step...it sounds like you are comfortable with being gay, and that is a great thing! My next step was to tell a friend that I knew I could trust...from there, you start to get the support you might need during the coming out process. But do it at your own pace, you'll know what is best for you. The weight being lifted off your shoulders is probably one of the best things that you will feel, go with it!

It sounds like you have a plan of what you want to do...so start putting those pieces in place, and there are lots of people here that can offer advice. Personally, you sound exactly like I did when I was first coming out...hopefully the advice I've given is quasi-helpful, I still haven't figured out exaclty how to word what I've wanted to say! But hey, if you have questions, just ask!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Telling everybody or only somebody might be a good start.

Yet, a good start alone does not amount to very much, does it?

Coming out will not solve any of your problems. People will not start hitting on you, just because now, it is official and everyone knows...

Despite that undeniable act of courage, you'll still have to do all the footwork there is.

#1
Leave your str8 friends to cope with their str8 problems. They want to get laid and are working on it. So do you...And you wanna be working on it, too. They rarely FEDex them to your door, unless that's the deal you have paid for.

#2
Do some well-organized web based dating. Quite a few eminently qualified guys out there looking for everyone ranging from 'friends only' to FBs and even LTCs as in serious BFs. Lots of cool dudes and plenty of duds, too. Just the way it really is everywhere else.

#3
Hit some gay sport clubs and look around. Enjoy and make friends.

#4
You are a gay dude, so you want to start going out and exploring the local nite life. Today is the day. If you choose to be very lazy today, you'll be hittin' that ole bed of yours alone tonite. You sure, you wanna do that?

#5
Do not worry about your future patients running away from you, just because someone tells them, you are gay. Hardly anyone cares, if you are doing a great job at great rates and flexible plans. No one here is telling you that you'll have to fly a huge rainbow flag above your office, ya know.

#6
Did I say: Go and get' em?


SC

 

[xdriver995]

Thanks for all the advice.... Alot of the things that you've been saying are things that I've known I should do, but it really helps to hear it from someone else. To answer some questions, I'm in Cincinnati, OH (shortly).

I'm glad I found this board. It's a great feeling knowing that there are plenty of people around that have gone through similar situations, and are willing to offer advice.

 

[spreadeagle]

In your position, somewhat alienated from family, about to qualify in a well-paid profession, and absolutely independent I would relocate to a new city (or even country) where I could start afresh in a gay-friendly environment.

If you're a good dentist then clients won't give a shit about your sexual orientation. All they want is to have confidence in your honesty, professionalism, respect and they don't want it to hurt. And there are dental practices where the clientele is almost exclusively gay. Gay men are more likely be more careful of their appearance and their oral health and to be prepared to allocate more of their income to maintaining it. I just thought of a good name for your practice - 'Word of Mouth'!

I haven't searched the web but in all likelihood there is a Gay Dentists Organisation.

 

[rareboy]

Honey, I can absolutely assure you that if you are a good dentist, no one cares where you stick your cock since that isn't covered by their insurance.

For every customer you might lose because they are uncomfortable with gay, you probably would gain two homos who are tired of listening to the endless straight blah blah in their current Dentist's office.

(Flashes brilliant white toothy smile obtained from gay dentist)

 

[gameboy 11]

Thanks for all the advice.... Alot of the things that you've been saying are things that I've known I should do, but it really helps to hear it from someone else. To answer some questions, I'm in Cincinnati, OH (shortly).

I'm glad I found this board. It's a great feeling knowing that there are plenty of people around that have gone through similar situations, and are willing to offer advice.

Yes it is and you'll find LOTS of it here.

 

[xdriver995]

There aren't nearly enough resources available to gay dental professionals as there are to gay medical professionals. Just about everyone in my class is either married with kids or heading in that direction. Dentistry seems to be a pretty conservative profession. I am very confident with my abilities as a dentist. In fact, dentistry is one aspect of my life where I have always felt secure and confident about. I guess I just need confidence everywhere else.

 

[GL]

There aren't nearly enough resources available to gay dental professionals as there are to gay medical professionals. Just about everyone in my class is either married with kids or heading in that direction. Dentistry seems to be a pretty conservative profession. I am very confident with my abilities as a dentist. In fact, dentistry is one aspect of my life where I have always felt secure and confident about. I guess I just need confidence everywhere else.

I think if you channel that self confidence you carry in your abilities to everything else, you'll be more than fine.

And I wouldn't put too much stock in what your clients will think about you being gay. I would imagine that you're not going to introduce yourself such as, "Hello. I'm Dr. Dentist and yes, I'm gay." They'll only know if you tell them.

Either way, good for you for posting! For a lot of us here, myself included, admitting it to ourselves and to a group of people here was a fantastic first step in coming out and coming to grips with who and what we are.

 

[Soilwork]

I bet if you moved to a gay neighbourhood in a large city with a large gay community and opened up a practice there and advertised in gay community papers, you'd have a hufe clientel banging down your door.

People who are HIV positive have special dental needs (who knew that?) and gay people DO tend to be all about their appearance... I bet you'd make bank as the Gay Dentist if you put a little marketing behind you.

Gay doctors have to turn patients away in droves...

 

[luckotheirish]

Honey, I can absolutely assure you that if you are a good dentist, no one cares where you stick your cock since that isn't covered by their insurance.

(Flashes brilliant white toothy smile obtained from gay dentist)

Yeah. Not even if you get a PA (prior authorization)!

Most people really couldn't care less about anything other than results, money, and pain.

You'll do great!!

 

[wilehart1978]

I think I felt more open about my sexuality when I told my best friend...after that I act as I feel..thus not be stigmatized by those gay, bi and curious labels.....It's about you -- not labels...Good luck, man

Hi,

I'm 24 and am completely in the closet. I have not had any sort of relationship with a guy (besides my straight friends). I've always thought about coming out, but the timing never seemed right. Most recentely, I've been in dental school, which I've come to realize is a profession that seems to be composed of very conservative individuals. Out of a class of 120 students, there is not one person that admits to being gay (though I'm sure they exist).

Pretending to be straight is getting old and I don't enjoy it. I also don't enjoy not having ever had a truthful relationship. Lately, I've been feeling too lazy to put on the act, so I just make excuses for not going out to bars/clubs/etc. Even if I did come out, I'm not sure how I would meet other guys. All I have right now are straight friends (with no gays around to talk to).

I thought about telling my parents, but that probably will never happen. I've never been close to them (we talk maybe once a month on the phone, usually for less than five minutes), and I know my sexualitys not the reason for this. I'm pretty sure my brothers know, but we've never really discussed it. It has been hinted at before though.

So back to my topic, how do I get started being gay. I guess I could tell my very few close friends (it seems like I never let anyone get all that close) and my brothers (this won't be a shocker). But then how do I go about making new friends and things like that. I know that when I do come out I will be treated differently (even if subconsciously). Fortunately, I am graduating from school shortly, so I will probably wait til then if I do. My personal life should not in any way affect my professional life or performance. I worry that if a patient is to find out I'm gay, they'll feel uncomfortable, and maybe seek another dentist.

I didn't mean to ramble on, I guess I'm just a bit confused about things. I appreciate any thoughts. Thanks