Best Friend - First Post

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

My advice? Stop fishing. His "cues" aren't exactly screaming "gay" or "interested". You've given him a couple openings, and he hasn't really pushed ahead. So stop.

If you really want to pursue something, take the next step - come out to him. Don't tell him you're interested in him. Just tell him you're having questions about your sexuality. That you're looking at gay porn. Things like that. This serves two functions. One, it lets him know you're on the level - that you trust him enough to tell him stuff of this caliber. And two, that's his opening. If HE's gay or bi or curious, that's his signal to say something to you. If he doesn't, I'd say it's clear - he's not interested. But he can still be a kick-ass friend. And those are hard to come by.

Lex

 

[PlayingwithChance]

Either you ask him if he's gay or not - if he's gay, ask him out. If he isn't, MOVE ON.

If you DON'T want to ask him, then assume he's straight and MOVE ON.

You're wasting your time. Be friends, and just friends. If you can't do that, then cease contact. Otherwise, it's unfair to you, and most certainly unfair to him.

And I know this may sound harsh, but I've been down this road, along with many, many others 'round these parts. Everyone gets burned...

Good luck man!

 

[GBirdie]

I'll have to stick with Lex's suggestion on this case. You CAN have him as a friend, but don't find ways to get yourself closer, the closer you get, the more painful it'll burn you.

I do, too, have a best friend, whom I'm really fond of, and knows I'm gay. We have nearly everything in common, and he too thinks the same of me. Unfortunately for me, he's got a girlfriend, and that closes the case. I DO, sometimes accidentally stare too long at him or do some things to play around, but that's about it.

I'd rather keep him as a friend than come out too strongly onto him and lose him altogether. (At least you have someone to think of before you find your next, *wink, don't get obsessed over him though)

 

[KaraBulut]

You're attracted to your friend. And you want to use him as a boyfriend-substitute because you don't have anyone to hug you, cuddle with you, sleep with you..

Fantasies are fine. Everyone has them. But fantasies never have a morning-after. And many a morning-after has ended a frienship.

If you want all of these things with another guy, then go find yourself a boyfriend. And after you do find that boyfriend, ask yourself how someone can be your "best friend" without you trusting them enough to tell them you are attracted to guys.

Your post is mostly about getting this off your chest and thinking out loud. That is part of why we're here- to listen.

But I want to point out that you came to a conclusion at the end of your post and in your heart of hearts, you know it's the right thing:

I don't want to say anything to him, because I don't want to mess up what we have now. He is my best friend, I don't know what I would do if I messed up something between us.

 

[billybob109]

You do not have to move yet on because you did not tell him your feelings or about your true sexuality. Maybe if you told him something could happen between the both of you. Or he could tell you that he is 100% str8 and for you to go away that is the risk you are going to have t take

Thanks for the replies. I do know I need to move on, but I'm one to hang on to things too long. There was a girl I liked from 8th grade until my senior year of high school, and another girl I like from about 11th grade until my sophomore year in college, even though I knew neither of them would work.

Lex, I don't think I'm ready to really pursue to the point of taking the next step. And yes, good friends are hard to come by.

PlayingWithChance, that isn't harsh, I knew it would be coming based on the other threads I've read haha. But I do think I can be just friends with him, and that's what I'll do.

Kara, part of the reason I don't tell him, is because as they say, "I'm so far in the closet, I'm finding Christmas presents" and haven't fully admitted even to myself yet.

Again, thanks for the replies. It's nice to hear what other people think since I've never been able to talk about it. It feels good to finally let that out.

 

[Diodorus]

Those situations suck so bad. But there only seems to be a couple of choices in those situation. If it is really getting to you and your heart aches just to be around him (I'm not saying it is.) it sounds like it's time (for your own sanity) to perhaps get a few more friends and wean yourself away from him. From what you say he's giving "NO WAY i'M GAY" vibes and you cannot get people to be more affectionate than they really are.
If you are fine with just a friendship there's your solution. Just be content with a good friend.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Lex, I don't think I'm ready to really pursue to the point of taking the next step. And yes, good friends are hard to come by.

But you were willing to "take the next step" if it meant more hugging, more kissing? Give that some thought.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I think I'll just wait and see what happens. Perhaps my attraction will grow stronger, or maybe it'll go the other way.

And if it does?

There are plenty of other threads here about wanting things from a "straight" friend. And it tends to be a slippery slope. The guy just wants a hug. That's it! Just a hug. And then he gets the hug. Then he wants a hug with his shirt off. And then...

No. Stop. Keep him as a friend, but if you want something physical - even a hug - stop looking to him for it. Go find yourself a guy who's gay, who's out, and can give you what you want without any games.

Lex