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Best friend problem

hotb0d

hotb0d

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One piece of advice: if you want to royally fuck up your friendship with him then do go and plant a kiss on him.
 
If you're close friends, maybe you should just ask him if he's gay or bi. If he says yes, then you should consider asking if he's interested in you. Usually "the stare" is a tell-tale sign that there is some interest there, drunk or not.

Has he made any comments about gays that you remember, about any topics that concern gays or other people who you know are gay? What he's said may help you decide how to handle this situation.
 
you should just come out to him and see how he takes it.

once i came out to a friend, and he responded with "holy shit me too" we were wasted, and needless to say we got it on later that night.

damn that was awesome
 
You are the best judge of whatever vibes there may be, but just because he his gay doesn't mean he'd be interested in something sexual. It would be very cool if he were.
 
Perhaps you two can plan on a weekend getaway and "accidentally" reserve a hotel room with one bed for two. Then you guys can sleep in the same bed and see how close you can get.
 
Right, we don't know this guy, we can't tell you what to do. We don't know if your suspicions are well founded or just you wishing.

You don't know if he's gay, he hasn't said he's interested in you. Are you trying to hope some gayness into him possibly? What exactly makes you think he's interested. contrary to popular belief, long lingering stares are open to interpretation unless you're in a gay bar. You don't know what he's thinking unless you ask.

If neither of you is going to take a risk, you'll end up dancing round and round one another all angsty and sad, and that will be that.

I will tell you this, if you've known each other for five years and he hasn't figured out you want his cock, he's probably straight.
 
Does he know you're gay? If not, tell him.

If he knows, how do you think he'll react if you tell him you're interested in him? I'd assume that if you've been good friends for 5 years you should have some idea. What do you think will happen in a worst case scenario? If it's not too bad, go for it. Sitting around trying to guess if he's gay or not tends to be an exercise in futility.

Personally, when I told a very good friend of mine (I had no idea whether he was gay or straight) that I was attracted to him, he said he was flattered but not interested. We then went on with our lives as normal (in fact I'd say that we're a bit closer now simply because of the honesty factor).

P.S. I suppose you COULD just plant one on his lips, but it might get a bit awkward if he's not into you.
 
Kissing him is a BAD idea.

Coming out to him, in my opinion, isn't the way to do it either.

Subtlety is a lost concept her on JUB. When you are drinking, but not drunk, become more physical with him, touch his arm, put your arm around him, grab the hair on the back of his head - not in a romantic way, but in a friend way. If you already have this physical intimacy then you could give him some hints that you think he's a nice looking guy without being weird about it. If you guys have stared at each other, and he responds positively to your overtures, you can take it a step further.

If you guys are roommates, then hop in bed with him one night and put your hand on his chest as you shoot the shit about something random. He will either tell you to move or let you lay there. Over time, you can tell him more and more as you feel comfortable.

Blurting out that you are gay would freak most people out. Regardless of what he is feeling.

Let us know how it goes.
 
nautiboyjeff said:
Kissing him is a BAD idea.

Coming out to him, in my opinion, isn't the way to do it either.

Subtlety is a lost concept her on JUB. When you are drinking, but not drunk, become more physical with him, touch his arm, put your arm around him, grab the hair on the back of his head - not in a romantic way, but in a friend way. If you already have this physical intimacy then you could give him some hints that you think he's a nice looking guy without being weird about it. If you guys have stared at each other, and he responds positively to your overtures, you can take it a step further.

If you guys are roommates, then hop in bed with him one night and put your hand on his chest as you shoot the shit about something random. He will either tell you to move or let you lay there. Over time, you can tell him more and more as you feel comfortable.

Blurting out that you are gay would freak most people out. Regardless of what he is feeling.

Let us know how it goes.
Click to expand...

Subtlety? Yeah, and he turns out to be a straight guy you just freaked the fuck out and ruined your friendship. Honestly, what is going to freak him out more, you telling him you're gay, or you fawning all over him and fondling his body every chance you get. It's not honest to go about doing what you describe without at least the courtesy of letting the other guy know you have intent. It's incredibly inconsiderate not to give him the option of accepting or rejecting that kind of touching - with all the facts.

If the only way you can find to tell someone you're gay is "blurting," it's no wonder you're going with the borderline sexual assault there.

If he's the guy who freaks when you "blurt out," that you're gay, what the fuck is he going to do when you crawl into bed with him and start stroking his chest?
 
It worked for me for years and I never had to "just tell them". Because if I just told them, they would have not been my friend. Maybe times are different, but I don't think so.
 
nautiboyjeff said:
It worked for me for years and I never had to "just tell them". Because if I just told them, they would have not been my friend. Maybe times are different, but I don't think so.
Click to expand...

What does that say about the guys you dated?

You tell them you're gay, and they won't associate with you, but you crawl in bed with them, and they're fine with that? Don't they know you're gay and run away the next day? If not why would they run if you told them first?

That sounds like the closet frankly.

It's always better the give a heads up first, no matter what. why would anyone think that a guy who's going to run away from you for saying you're gay, has any kind of long term relationship potential.

If you're just after the sex, that's one thing, but unless you want to languish in the closet you both are going to need to be comfortable with the gayness. Otherwise you're not going anywhere.
 
chobbs said:
you should just come out to him and see how he takes it.

once i came out to a friend, and he responded with "holy shit me too" we were wasted, and needless to say we got it on later that night.

damn that was awesome
Click to expand...



Would love to hear more about this. I need some fantasy like that to come true.
 
I believe the OP has to really think about this one. Is this just a fantasy or does he want this to be reality?

Sex can really fuck up a good friendship. Sex changes EVERYTHING. You just don't see the person in the

same way anymore.

Although my situation is different, a friendship I had with a close friend ended this year in late June 2009. We are both gay though but we crossed the line from a "platonic friendship" to a "romantic relationship" last year. The romance did not workout.

I lost a good friend I had for seven years due to lust. We both were responsible of course and we both were to blame for crossing the line.

Exactly a year ago around this time we broke up. I tried to be my ex's "friend" after the breakup but for me it was just too painful. I felt I wasn't being "honest" with my feelings I still "wanted him" in that "way".
So in June 2009 when he called I told him we can't be friends anymore. He was very upset and he hanged up on me.

I just felt I had to move on with my life. I haven't heard from him since. Of course I miss him but I accept the consequences and I moved on.

So I think the OP should think long and hard if he really believes it can "work" between him and his best friend.

Because in my situation I no longer have a "friend" nor a "boyfriend". So there is a lot to lose but I guess a lot to gain as well.

I think the OP should make a list and weight out the positives and the negatives of his situation.
 
Telling the guy you're gay seems to be the smart move. But "subtly" making a move on him makes for a much hotter story. Your call.

Lex
 
brachar13 said:
after reading all of your posts, i dont think coming out to him would be a great idea, as i am not out to anyone, but i would really like to find out somehow if he is gay or at least bi. when we were in college, i would sit on his bed and just talk with him... he is a very quiet person, but we would goof around often, but we would never do anything more than wrestling around. that was another time when i felt the sexual tension between us, and i was just dying to break it, but again... i wouldn't want to do anything, only to regret it if i found out he wasn't interested. you know?
Click to expand...

You're probably not going to find out anything if you're not willing to risk anything.
 
You're not roomies anymore. You're not in college around each other as much anymore. Why NOT tell him? If you're not ready to tell anyone, okay, but when will you be ready? Who will you ever be able to tell if you can't tell a close friend?

What are his views on gay people? Have you ever heard him speak against gays? Is he open-minded socially?

How many years do you see just keeping this to yourself? I'll tell you this, and it's something we should sticky at the top of the Forums--those friends we don't come out to often fade from our lives anyway because the secret comes between us. How long can you remain friends without him knowing if and when you finally have come to terms with yourself and start dating men?

Not pushing you to come out to him; you have to do it in your time at your own pace. But when will it ever be the right moment?
 
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