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"best" friend turning into monster!

kurtwild

kurtwild

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my "best" friend who was in love with me turned into a totally different person.
at school nobody talked to him, n everyone was makin fun of him, n only my brother n i talked to him n were his friends, alhtough we werent outcasts like him.
n back then he was a great guy, who was up to do things with us, never complaining about bullshit as if he was a paranoid jealous wife (for example: he didn complain if we also talked to other ppl).
after 8 years (the last whole year n more he had forbidden us to see him out of some crazy imaginary reasons in his head) he wanted us to meet n do stuff n bullshit. so we gave it a chance n he was kinda impossible but we tried n pulled it through.
he locked us into his isolated house by the sea (same way he had acted 1 year ago), was sleepin all day, we had to b quite or outside the house in the garden, he was watchin tv all day, n most of all he had become so demandin n show offish n spoilt, he was becomin an asshole if we spoke to anybody or went out with anyone, n after all we had done for him in all these many years (which was trully more than he did) he was telling us that we rnt good friends, n that our friendship s pulling him back (he has no other real friends, n if it wasnt for us he would still look like shit n b totally made fun off etc), n that he doesnt want to b our friend anymore cos it s tiring him.
what could have turned him into this monster?
n what shall i do if he tries to contact us again to complain again n all that?
 
I've read your post three times, and I'm still not entirely sure I understand it.

He...what? Locked you (and your brother) in a secluded house by the sea? Twice? And made you...do stuff? And now he says you're not friends anymore? So the fuck what? If any of my friends tried to lock me into a secluded house by the sea, they wouldn't be my friends for long (or have glass in their windows, either).

Lex
 
I was just wondering were you really his friend? your post is really confusing at first you say he was in love with you and that he was an outcast who looked like shit. Doesnt really seem like you thought much of him, then you get angry when he says he doesnt think you were really his friend... where you? and why would you then care if he decided he doesnt like you...also when you are someones friend because it is conveniant or some other reason than general fondness it usually becomes obvious to the friend eventually. just my opinion but that is what i got from your post
 
@blondecanadian: at first i liked him a lot. it didnt matter to me that nobody else did. n i have helped with many things, with his looks, with getting friends, doing better at school. we v had fun together, gone to gigs, planned stuff... i didnt consider him as ugly back then cos deep inside he was an interesting person.
he himself says always how bad he looked back then n how gorgeous now.
i think he knows i was a good friend. i was spending all my money to organize him bd parties, in which he didnt want to invite anybody else. we made him dvds of us 3 together, we were always there to listen to his problems n support him, even spending hours n hours n getting behind with our stuff.

but all of a sudden he started thinking he s better n superior to us (which we never did to him), n acting like so big n all that, wanting us always to beg him. n he even told us that we care only to b told how beautiful we r, when it was us who were always telling him how good he looks to make him more confident.
we were even jogging n helpin him with his diets (while i was at the verge of anorexia)- when he just slept n didnt open the door although he was inviting us, but then didnt care.

so yes i was a real friend. i was not perfect ofc, but i was true.


@ g lexington:
i m glad u understand how it feels. what sort of a friend s that?
n then he wants to b the victim in the whole story too?
n blames us for abandoning him, when he calls n sayshe doesnt want to b friends. not in ones right mind.
 
why do you still want to be with him or even think of him if he makes you feel miserable? if you don't like him any more or he makes you sad then why not just leave him? what is stopping you from doing so?
 
yes im just scared he will corner me again and i wont know what to do,besides our parents are somewhat friendly with eachother and his mum is our doctor...
 
p.s he hates all ppl he has met in his life and makes fun of them how they look and of ugly people and expects us to do the same too.
when we dont agree he gets angry.



so how can i not be totally in a fight with him but just drift away calmly?
 
just slowly talk to him less and less and when you're with him don't say that much. he'll slowly get the hint or he'll ask you what is wrong and you can just tell him you've turned into a monster which is probably scary for you to think about doing but if he doesn't get the hint then you'll just have to tell him what is wrong. maybe it will open his eyes.
 
swarley said:
just slowly talk to him less and less and when you're with him don't say that much. he'll slowly get the hint or he'll ask you what is wrong and you can just tell him you've turned into a monster which is probably scary for you to think about doing but if he doesn't get the hint then you'll just have to tell him what is wrong. maybe it will open his eyes.
Click to expand...

i will try to follow ur advice. thank u.
my only fear is that if i tell him, it will start all over again cos he ll not listen to one word (lately he doesnt) n will only care to holler n accuse me of irrelevant things, n trying to make me apologize again! for fuckin what?
 
well if he gets mad at you maybe he won't want to talk to you and you can end this. and whatever you do, don't apologize because you've done nothing wrong
 
swarley said:
well if he gets mad at you maybe he won't want to talk to you and you can end this. and whatever you do, don't apologize because you've done nothing wrong
Click to expand...

yes yes, that s what i ll do.
n i will no way apologize. whenever he has done sthg he says sorry (or even doesnt) n we r ok, but he wants me to beg forever even when i v done nthg wrong. NO.
 
There's no need to drift away. Just tell him you're not interested in hanging out with him anymore. End of story.

Lex
 
:)
i am a professional.
i m studying psychology in my 4th year now.
do u mean this for me or for him?

i m sure actually that he s got a borderline personality disorder n it s almost bordering a split personality since he seems to have two ppl in his head n demands us to think so too of him.
i dont think he s got a narcissistic personality disorder. i think he thinks he s ugly since he also has a problem with being overweight.
in some breakdowns he hit his dog n that s why i want to drift apart with him n not fight. cos i m scared.
 
The narcissistic reference was directed at him.


You said it yourself, he probably has a personality disorder. Its hard to be friends with disordered people who aren't balanced.

I guess all you can do is what everyone has already said... set firm boundaries.
 
i was about to say... if you have studied psychology you should be seeing the symptoms. yeah looks like borderline or antisocial. i wouldnt be surprised if he was schizophrenic or had other comorbid disorders. do you know if hes delusional? try to get him help. if you even want to that is... if he has forced you to do stuff and you are still willing to be his friend and help him that shows how good of a person you are i guess. not to say that if you decide not to help him or be his friend anymore that you arent a good person. you dont owe him anything, you have already done a lot for him it seems. hmm but just be careful if you remain to hang around him, he sounds kinda crazy. and i dont think this is something that just happened recently or something that you did to him so dont blame yourself at all. this is probably something that has been with him for the whole time that you are just seeing now.

your situation remind me of a old long term friendship that i had. he wasnt very well liked but i saw things in him that i liked and we got along. he got really weird, but nowhere near your friends behavior, if he did i def wouldnt have put up with it. well i stayed around because he kept saying he cherishes our friendship and whenever we spent some time away from talking to each other (months at a time) he would come out of the blue and tell me everything that is going on with him, how he misses hanging out, or would tell me his problems sometimes. i finally was able to say enough. i dont feel bad, i tried to be there for him as much as i could, we just grew apart in addition to the fact that he started acting crazy and i didnt want to associate with him anymore.
 
thank you very much for the great advice,all of you!
well actually i tried to get him help many times but he never accepted it and made fun of me that i know nothing in psyhology cos i have problems myself.
i told him to go then to some other psychologist but he still said he is great and doesnt wanna go.

he is delusional about many things n celebrities, which is both annoying n scary.
i spoke to other professionals about all this, n they all thought it was an extremely complicated n difficult case.

THE OTHER THING IS I M VERY SORRY THAT I INTRODUCED HIM TO OTHER PPL N FRIENDS BECAUSE HE IS SUCH BAD NEWS. N HE S A TERRIBLE HYPOCRITE (ALL NICE TO THEM N BEHIND THEIR BACK HE WAS ALWAYS SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT THEM, N GOSSIPING N NOT WANTING TO SEE THEM, N FORCING ME TO AVOID THEM) N NOW I SAW HE IS STILL PRETENDING N BEING NICE TO THEM N TELLING THEM HOW GREAT THEY R ETC.
N I M VERY SAD, COS ESPECIALLY THE ONE GUY S A GREAT FRIEND OF MINE, N FROM SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON I M SURE HE LL GET HURT N ANYWAY HE S POOR TO BE FOOLED LIKE THAT.

WHAT SHALL I DO ABOUT THAT?


@thiskid24: i m sorry about ur incident too. it s sad when u lose a friend.
 
If a friend is trying to manipulate and destroy your friendships with other people, it's time to give him an ultimatum or cut him off. It doesn't matter how sorry you feel for him, you don't let that justify making your life miserable. Let him make his own life miserable.
 
i am cutting him off.
but the other friends of mine that i introduced him to dont have a reason to cut him off yet, cos they dont know what he says behind them.
n i m sure they ll get hurt n miserable like me too after trusting in him.
what shall i do? shall i tell them what he says? (but then i ll feel very pathetic for gossiping) or what can i do?
 
^ No, let them find out for themselves. Besides, they hardly know him as much as you do. Once they see you've dropped him as a friend, they'll hardly have a reason to keep in touch with him.
 
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