Big Deal

[terry61_99]

I for one am attracted to guys that are much younger than me and I am sure there are lots of guys who feel that way too. If your into older guys, keep looking and I bet you'll find someone! As far as coming out...wait till you are totally comfortable and are really ready to come out, there is no set time to do it!

 

[TommyTrojan]

I completely agree with these other guys: come out when you're ready.

And who says you even have to come out right now? I don't know how big of a city you live in, but maybe you can start going to a gay bar or club or meeting guys for coffee or something to get comfortable with your new-found gay acceptance.

Besides, you're only 18. You have PLENTY of time. There's no need to rush into anything you're not ready for.

Gratzie!

 

[Rolyo85]

Coming out is all about you. It shouldn't matter whether you have found someone, or not.

However, what I can tell you is that a lot in your life changes when you come out. You interact with people differently, and that changes the way you view both them and yourself. So who knows, you might find you are attracted to more than one type after a while ("why thank god"? I LOVE 18 year olds ^_^)


That said, I came out when I was 25. And I will always regret not doing it earlier, maybe as early as your age. There are experiences that I wish I had, feelings that you only have when you're young, stuff that only happens in school/college, that I will never really get to live through. So without putting any pressure on you, I urge you to not deny yourself those

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Loosingyourmind,

Welcome to JUB, and feel free to ask as much as you like. You English is very good, and I tend to think that your English is better then my level of English (I am living in The Netherlands).

You don't give us clues why you should not start to live as an open gay (ie not anymore as a 'pretending straight guy'). You have not given us any information about your friends / family / school / work (etc). Do you expect any difficulties when it would be obvious that you are gay (ie interested in males)? Please be aware that you don't need to provide us with any of these details if you feel uncomfortable by doing this.

I tend to give you an advise which is more or less similar to the advise as given by Rolyo85. So open yourself as soon as possible. Italy is not like the US, with alot of reli-fundi's (and so on).

I mean, you don't need to tell anyone straightforward that you only like guys who are 20-30 or more years older then you. That's none of their business as long as you are single.

On the other hand, being open also will mean that it will also be more easy for such guys to identify you as a gay (and as a possible partner).

You are a student? Definately, a lot of guys in the age of 40-50 are interested in guys of your age. I even tend to think that you are the one who is able to 'make the choice'. You definately will get quite a few offers, so you can effort yourself to be very critical. Be aware that some of these guys might be very rude and/or impolite.


Feel free to ask more questions.

Best wishes, and good luck.

Hello everybody, it's been a long time since I decided to post here, so here I am.

Sorry for my bad english, I type from Italy.

Consider this: I'm 18, never been into a gay relationship, accepted that I was gay years ago, but no one knows, because even if I can be a little ''feminine'' at times, all my interests are like every other men of my age, soccer, motocycles etc..and I've been with several girls during these years making ''experience''.

Now, I'm not sexualy attracted to men of my age AT ALL (thank god), just men between the age gap of 40-50.

So forum, what should I do, come out NOW, even if I can't obviously have a relationship with a person that has 30 years more than me, or should I wait untill I get old enough?

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. A lot depends on where you live and who you live with. Coming out is a process that has to do with whether or not you keep a secret. So it all depends on what you're comfortable with. Some people grow tired of the assumption that they'll one day find a women. Some people grow tired of not being able to comment on someone they find attractive. Some people need to find acceptance with friends and family even though they're single.

If you look you will find men that you find attractive who also find you attractive. The only caution that I have for you is to guard against being taken advantage of or being controlled. When the time comes play safe.

Best wishes.

 

[rareboy]

I think the first guy I fucked at the age of 20 was about 40 years old. I learned a lot from him.

My partner of almost 29 years is 7 years older than I am.

Come out when it feels right to come out. Don't wait too long, but make sure you feel confident and comfortable with yourself in order to get the most out of the experience.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, here's how it goes:

1. It's always easier to meet people when you are not hiding.
2. There is no such thing as "old enough". If your parents will accept you, they'll do it regardless of whether you're 7 or 27.
3. Do NOT go for a religion professor!!!!

 

[Ganoderma]

Thank you guys for the replies. So now I'll give more infos about me, so maybe you can give me more advice. I still live with my parents, and I live in Rome. I've got a lot of friends that won't be even ''shocked'' about finding out that I'm gay. My family? Well they really open-minded (I think) and I'm not even baptized to the church. The real big trouble is that I actually want to find out someone, is that hard without coming out? I mean, I don't wanna tell my parents that I'm gay untill I'm old enough.

And, to make things even more complicated, I've kinda ''felt in love'' with a professor of religion that teaches in my school...

hi Loosingyourmind,

Thanks for the nice and friendly reply and for providing us with more information. Finding a guy is much easier when you are open, but it also depends from the situation where you are.

I assume there are several gay bars (and other gay events) in Rome, including bars and so which are mainly visited by guys above a certain age (so guys within your age preference). Rome will as well have various other gay / gayfriendly areas / events.

You don't need to be out to go to any of these bars of events. Anyone will assume you are gay when you are in a gay bar.

Being out at school (and also to your friends) will make it more easy to make some gay friends (so guys of around your age) with whom you can discuss a variety of items, and with whom you can also visit gay bars and so on.

Ofcourse, you can also go to any gay bar with one or more of your straight friends, or just by yourself.

So finding a guy is not too difficult. You have to go to areas where gays / alot of gays are around, and those gays must know / feel / assume you are also gay.

Ofcourse you can also use one of the many ways through internet.

Telling your family (and friends) that you are gay is more or less the same like telling your famiily (and friends) that you are straight. Straight guys don't need to come out, or tell. They talk about girls (or they have a girlfriend), and that is their way to tell ppl they are straight. I assume all of them still think you are straight, as you have a history with girls (I assume your parents will more or less know that you have been dating girls).

I tend to think that it is an advantage for you that your friends will know that you are 'not anymore into girl's', but that you are gay. I mean, likely they will know other gays as well, and that can also give you an opportunity to make new gay friends.

Being gay in Rome seems no big deal, especially when your friends and your family are very open-minded. Indeed, having a bf (or talking about your bf) is an easy way to 'tell' people you are gay.


Feel free to ask more questions.