ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
“Okay, so you did some really inventive things on your papers,” Felix said, “but one thing you might not want to do—Emely—”
“Really!” Emely cried from the back of the class.
“Is write your papers in purple ink. As cute as it is.”
There was laughter around the class room, but Felix said, “You can laugh if you want, Cody, but while we’re at it, if you put illustrations in your paper they do not make up for the writing or the page count. I am not fooled, and—in general—we could all afford to go over nouns and verbs again. And if we make it that far….” Felix thought about it and twirled his marker over the white board, “we should probably refresh ourselves on sourcing.”
“What’s sourcing?” Shenerika asked.
“Uh… that’s a yes,” Felix said. “We should work on sourcing.”
A weird ringing song buzzed through the room and Felix said, “Someone should shut that off.”
“Felix,” Nikki pointed out, “that’s your phone.”
“Oh!” Felix looked at the desk, blinking. He went to pick it up and shut it off, but the name said, “Scott.”
“Hold on.” He lifted a finger.
“Hey. Is it possible this can wait?”
“I actually need to talk to you right now,” Scott said.
Felix looked out on his class and said, “Remember all those times you just had to sneak out in the middle of lecture? I’ll be right back.”
He sat on the floor in the carpeted hall and said, “Are you alright? Is anything wrong?”
“Everything’s wrong,” Scott said. Then, “Look, I need you to stay with me tonight. We have to stop leading separate lives.”
“Okay…” Felix said, doubtfully.
“I don’t trust myself when I’m away from you. I do stupid things. I need you, alright?”
“Alright, Kid. I’ll be over tonight.”
“What time do you get off work?”
“Uh, I have one more class so I’m out at around one.”
“I can come and get you.”
“You’ve got work.”
“Uh… fuck work. I’ll be in the circle driveway to get you at one. Okay?”
Felix shook his head, wondering what was going on.
“Alright,” he said, “I’ll be waiting.”
“You look in a bad way,” Felix said when Scott pulled up.
Scott waited for Felix to get into the car and then he said, “I’ve been in a bad way. I realize I haven’t been much fun.”
“Not lately, I don’t suppose,” Felix said.
“Not ever,” Scott said.
They rounded the drive and headed out onto Erie Street.
“You were in love with me. I think you were in love with me a lot when we first met. And I turned around and then I fucked it up.”
Felix said nothing, because this was true.
“And when I turned up years later, I was a falling down drunk with a shit ton of issues and two kids, and now I’ve just got these two kids.”
Again, Felix said nothing. They came to a red light and he felt uncomfortable, as if the time spent sitting there waiting for the light to turn would required him to say something. But apparently Scott also felt it required him to say something, and so he turned to Felix and asked, “Can you love someone like me?”
“Well, you know I love you, but…”
“I think we’re together. I’m sure we’re together, but like to be really together, really, really together. I want you with me. I want us to be an item and I realize that means some things from me, but it means things from you too.”
Felix thought of saying that he had come by the house last night, and that Matt was there, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to bring up Matt, and he didn’t want to talk about being around there and he definitely didn’t want to talk about Kevin and Rob. Nor did he want to talk about the most disturbing of thing, which was how much he loved being with Rob and especially with Kevin.
“Could we have a day?” Felix said. “Just a day at the beach where you splash around and I read a book and we don’t try to be serious about anything?”
“Great,” Scott said turning one of his sunny smiles on Felix, a smile he hadn’t seen in a long time, “I would like to not be serious today.”
“For a while I thought you liked to be serious everyday.”
There was a part of Felix that whispered he could not keep living like this, from day to day, fucking whom he chose then going back to Scott. But about the time the car made it to Route 15 and they were well out of the city, he had told that part of him to shut the fuck up. They rode through New Buffalo and then along lonely roads where the forest that bordered green dunes was to their rights and the trees hiding the road from farm fields were on their left. At last, passing small motels, quaint restaurants and lonely little stores, they were in Saint Joseph and, at last, arrived at Silver Beach, which seemed abandoned on a day like today when all the children were back in school and fall was soon to approach. When they got out of the car, Scott took Felix’s hand, and Felix was surprised. Still more surprised at how good it felt as they came near the beach, as they began walking over the sand, and how good and how strange it felt when he tripped and Scott’s strong hand kept him from falling. Almost forty years of life, and he had never had a strong hand to help him up.
“Look at how blue that water gets,” Scott said when he had rolled up his pants and stood in the water, holding his shoes with the hand that did not hold Felix.
“And it just goes on and on.”
Felix yanked Scott down and the younger man laughed as he fell on his bottom beside his lover and the water swirled around Felix toes.
“You have very brown, very beautiful feet,” Scott observed.
They went to pick the kids up from school and take them to their grandparents’ for the evening.
Scott said, “I hate to go back to the real world.”
“I know you don’t mean your children.”
“No,” Scott said, “I don’t. I mean me more than anything, and the stupid things I do.”
Felix did not ask for him to elaborate, but Scott said, “Please stay with me.”
“I told you I would.”
“I get dumb when you’re not around. I’ve been doing really dumb stuff.”
Yes you said that. And no, I’m not going to ask.
While he drove, he reached down and touched Felix’s hand, warmly.
“We haven’t been together in so long. I just want to hold you tonight.”
“Just?” Felix jested. “All you want to do is hold me?”
Scott shrugged, “Sex isn’t everything.”
“It may not be everything, but it’s a good thing.”
“Like you and me. We’re linked no matter what. Some other people, you can spend all night having sex with them. It doesn’t matter. It’s just empty.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Scott looked troubled now, and he shook his head, “Nothing. I’m just talking out loud.”
“Well, we’ll have to go by my place and get some nightclothes and stuff, but yes, I’ll stay with you tonight. Are you sleeping naked or wearing those little Jockeys?”
“I don’t know yet. Maybe halfway through the night I’ll strip.”
“Do you have a single pair of draws that aren’t Jockeys?”
“Nope,” Scott shook his head. “I have brand loyalty.”
AND ON THURSDAY, THE CONCLUSION OF OUR TALE
“Really!” Emely cried from the back of the class.
“Is write your papers in purple ink. As cute as it is.”
There was laughter around the class room, but Felix said, “You can laugh if you want, Cody, but while we’re at it, if you put illustrations in your paper they do not make up for the writing or the page count. I am not fooled, and—in general—we could all afford to go over nouns and verbs again. And if we make it that far….” Felix thought about it and twirled his marker over the white board, “we should probably refresh ourselves on sourcing.”
“What’s sourcing?” Shenerika asked.
“Uh… that’s a yes,” Felix said. “We should work on sourcing.”
A weird ringing song buzzed through the room and Felix said, “Someone should shut that off.”
“Felix,” Nikki pointed out, “that’s your phone.”
“Oh!” Felix looked at the desk, blinking. He went to pick it up and shut it off, but the name said, “Scott.”
“Hold on.” He lifted a finger.
“Hey. Is it possible this can wait?”
“I actually need to talk to you right now,” Scott said.
Felix looked out on his class and said, “Remember all those times you just had to sneak out in the middle of lecture? I’ll be right back.”
He sat on the floor in the carpeted hall and said, “Are you alright? Is anything wrong?”
“Everything’s wrong,” Scott said. Then, “Look, I need you to stay with me tonight. We have to stop leading separate lives.”
“Okay…” Felix said, doubtfully.
“I don’t trust myself when I’m away from you. I do stupid things. I need you, alright?”
“Alright, Kid. I’ll be over tonight.”
“What time do you get off work?”
“Uh, I have one more class so I’m out at around one.”
“I can come and get you.”
“You’ve got work.”
“Uh… fuck work. I’ll be in the circle driveway to get you at one. Okay?”
Felix shook his head, wondering what was going on.
“Alright,” he said, “I’ll be waiting.”
“You look in a bad way,” Felix said when Scott pulled up.
Scott waited for Felix to get into the car and then he said, “I’ve been in a bad way. I realize I haven’t been much fun.”
“Not lately, I don’t suppose,” Felix said.
“Not ever,” Scott said.
They rounded the drive and headed out onto Erie Street.
“You were in love with me. I think you were in love with me a lot when we first met. And I turned around and then I fucked it up.”
Felix said nothing, because this was true.
“And when I turned up years later, I was a falling down drunk with a shit ton of issues and two kids, and now I’ve just got these two kids.”
Again, Felix said nothing. They came to a red light and he felt uncomfortable, as if the time spent sitting there waiting for the light to turn would required him to say something. But apparently Scott also felt it required him to say something, and so he turned to Felix and asked, “Can you love someone like me?”
“Well, you know I love you, but…”
“I think we’re together. I’m sure we’re together, but like to be really together, really, really together. I want you with me. I want us to be an item and I realize that means some things from me, but it means things from you too.”
Felix thought of saying that he had come by the house last night, and that Matt was there, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to bring up Matt, and he didn’t want to talk about being around there and he definitely didn’t want to talk about Kevin and Rob. Nor did he want to talk about the most disturbing of thing, which was how much he loved being with Rob and especially with Kevin.
“Could we have a day?” Felix said. “Just a day at the beach where you splash around and I read a book and we don’t try to be serious about anything?”
“Great,” Scott said turning one of his sunny smiles on Felix, a smile he hadn’t seen in a long time, “I would like to not be serious today.”
“For a while I thought you liked to be serious everyday.”
There was a part of Felix that whispered he could not keep living like this, from day to day, fucking whom he chose then going back to Scott. But about the time the car made it to Route 15 and they were well out of the city, he had told that part of him to shut the fuck up. They rode through New Buffalo and then along lonely roads where the forest that bordered green dunes was to their rights and the trees hiding the road from farm fields were on their left. At last, passing small motels, quaint restaurants and lonely little stores, they were in Saint Joseph and, at last, arrived at Silver Beach, which seemed abandoned on a day like today when all the children were back in school and fall was soon to approach. When they got out of the car, Scott took Felix’s hand, and Felix was surprised. Still more surprised at how good it felt as they came near the beach, as they began walking over the sand, and how good and how strange it felt when he tripped and Scott’s strong hand kept him from falling. Almost forty years of life, and he had never had a strong hand to help him up.
“Look at how blue that water gets,” Scott said when he had rolled up his pants and stood in the water, holding his shoes with the hand that did not hold Felix.
“And it just goes on and on.”
Felix yanked Scott down and the younger man laughed as he fell on his bottom beside his lover and the water swirled around Felix toes.
“You have very brown, very beautiful feet,” Scott observed.
They went to pick the kids up from school and take them to their grandparents’ for the evening.
Scott said, “I hate to go back to the real world.”
“I know you don’t mean your children.”
“No,” Scott said, “I don’t. I mean me more than anything, and the stupid things I do.”
Felix did not ask for him to elaborate, but Scott said, “Please stay with me.”
“I told you I would.”
“I get dumb when you’re not around. I’ve been doing really dumb stuff.”
Yes you said that. And no, I’m not going to ask.
While he drove, he reached down and touched Felix’s hand, warmly.
“We haven’t been together in so long. I just want to hold you tonight.”
“Just?” Felix jested. “All you want to do is hold me?”
Scott shrugged, “Sex isn’t everything.”
“It may not be everything, but it’s a good thing.”
“Like you and me. We’re linked no matter what. Some other people, you can spend all night having sex with them. It doesn’t matter. It’s just empty.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Scott looked troubled now, and he shook his head, “Nothing. I’m just talking out loud.”
“Well, we’ll have to go by my place and get some nightclothes and stuff, but yes, I’ll stay with you tonight. Are you sleeping naked or wearing those little Jockeys?”
“I don’t know yet. Maybe halfway through the night I’ll strip.”
“Do you have a single pair of draws that aren’t Jockeys?”
“Nope,” Scott shook his head. “I have brand loyalty.”
AND ON THURSDAY, THE CONCLUSION OF OUR TALE
