Bittersweet news today.

[MacNore]

I just came out of the closet about two months ago. I'm really looking forward to having some sort of relationship with a guy, but my geographical location makes that very difficult.
I am a virgin, and the closest I have been (romantically) with a man ended when I learned he was a creep, and he ended up stalking a few of my female friends.

Anyway...

I've been talking to a close straight friend of mine a lot recently, about some very personal things. I've had the hots for him for years now, but never wanted to make him uncomfortable, so I never said anything. He is an amazing guy and I kind of always secretly wished he was gay.
About two days ago, he told me he's bi but has never done anything with a guy. While that didn't change anything in our relationship, I finally decided to tell him today how attracted I am to him. Amazingly, he told me that the feeling was mutual! I was on Cloud Nine! Wonderful.
...And then I remembered that he is in a long-term committed relationship (5 years) with a really great girl. I can't break that up. I can't be that guy.
I feel like repeatedly punching myself in the face right now. I think it hurts more knowing that he feel the same. It isn't even unrequited love, its just something that will probably never happen. I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

 

[racer2438]

Then let me be the 1st to congratulate you and a fine choice you made. This a great moral and valuable decision you did to know right from wrong.

That is be honest to him and honest to your self. Dont ruin a good friendship and peoples lives and it could hurt them and you. Just be glad you are as good of a friend and person. That no one can take away from you..

Good job.


There will be someone else out there for you... Bittersweet yes, but in a good way..

 

[hotb0d]

well actually if the guy said that he also has feelings for you then maybe you should give him a nudge. Not saying that you have to be the relationship breaker or "mistress", but if he does have feeling for you then maybe he will break up his relationship with the girl?

If he's willing to do that then maybe it's something worth pursuing.

Otherwise, I guess it's better if you stick to being a gentleman and stay at a friendship level with him.

 

[KaraBulut]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

Then do both.

Then pick yourself up and go find an available man.

 

[rareboy]

^ What Kara said.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I think it hurts more knowing that he feel the same.

If he didn't, you'd feel horrible for falling for a guy who "won't ever feel the same". Everybody thinks they have it worse than everybody else.

We've all ended up getting feelings for someone we can't have. The trick now is to start getting feelings for someone you CAN have. Thank your friend, tell him you're going to give yourself some space so you can move on, and then get on it.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Is he married, engaged, dating, what?

What was his purpose in telling you he's bi before you told him you are? Does he want to try something?

Oh, and I'm not at all surprised that your "straight" friend isn't so straight after all.

 

[MacNore]

>>>I think it hurts more knowing that he feel the same.

If he didn't, you'd feel horrible for falling for a guy who "won't ever feel the same". Everybody thinks they have it worse than everybody else.

We've all ended up getting feelings for someone we can't have. The trick now is to start getting feelings for someone you CAN have. Thank your friend, tell him you're going to give yourself some space so you can move on, and then get on it.

Lex

Oh, hold on... *hoists self off pity-pot*

Thank you Lex, for the reality check.

@Lube: He's dating this girl, but they have been together a long time. He DOES want to try something with a guy, but won't because he won't cheat on his girlfriend. And looking back on things, it doesn't surprise me one bit either. I just wasn't blessed with a gaydar, so I was oblivious.

@Karabulut: Excellent advice. Trouble is finding a man...

@hotb0d: I wouldn't want to be that catalyst either way. I've known this guy and his girlfriend for years now, and he's invested in the relationship.

@racer: Thanks for the reassurance.


For now we've just decided to stay friends. We flirt a lot, but its innocent. I have been assured, however, that if things go badly with the girl...

I think I'm OK with that.

 

[KaraBulut]

@Karabulut: Excellent advice. Trouble is finding a man...

I've been to the area where you live.

Believe me when I say that there are plenty of gay guys there.

You just have to be out and willing to give people a chance.

 

[MacNore]

I'm sure that is very true. But on top of that I have no transportation, and no gaydar.

Anyway, I feel like I'm whining and making excuses a lot so I'm just going to stop lol. I'll get the hang of this, I just need patience.

 

[Lube]

Don't be so hard on yourself.

He's been dating her for 5 years? Five years?! If he marries her, they'll be divorced within a year.

But my guess is she'll be history within 6 months. If it's not you, it'll be some other guy (or string of guys) very soon that he shags.

It might be worth waiting for him to get his ya-ya's out for a year or two before you date. So, at best, I would keep him on the back burner. Like the others said, move on.

And, you know, I think our gaydar is better than we'll ever know. Without even trying, you have a gay best friend. Sure, you can get confused by a hot straight guy. But if you think a guy is interesting and fun to be with, I think there's a pretty good chance he'll be gay.

Have fun! Keep us updated.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Will it be better if he marries her, has a couple of kids and then realizes it was all a big mistake?
You guys might try being FWB so he can see if it is really what he wants and needs.
Life is too short for both of you to at least experiment for not just yourselves but her too.

 

[MacNore]

He is on the "back burner" so to speak, though nothing is cooking on the front burner at the moment. We've become a lot closer, but haven't done anything sexual with one another.

We'll hold hands or kiss, and he's sent me some pictures but that is the extent of it. I just enjoy being around him. I'm okay with something like this until I can actually find an available man. Its helping us both become a little more comfortable with showing affection to another guy, because we're both so new to being open about our sexuality.

Also, it is kind of fun making our straight friends squirm uncomfortably when we kiss

 

[KaraBulut]

Holding hands and kissing and hanging out is the front burner.

The problem is that there's a girlfriend on the stovetop with all of you.

And eventually that pot is going to boil over and burn you all.

 

[MacNore]

*Sigh* I know you're probably right Karabulut.

I suppose I should try to untangle myself from this mess... But I can't make any promises. I'm a little hard-headed when it comes to some things, and I may just have to get burned before I learn my lesson.

 

[KaraBulut]

Unfortunately, I suspect that all three of you will be burned in this case.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I suppose I should try to untangle myself from this mess... But I can't make any promises. I'm a little hard-headed when it comes to some things, and I may just have to get burned before I learn my lesson.

That's French for "I'm enjoying the sex (or possibility of same) too much to call an end to it." You aren't the first in this position, nor will you be the last.

Lex

 

[MacNore]

You're totally right, though sadly its only the possibility at this point. More so, its just being able to be completely open with someone for basically the first time in my life. He is such a good friend... and yes, I want more than that.

I'm realizing that I am becoming attached, which is worrisome. So I'd like to back out, but that gets weird because I don't want to lose a friend.

For some reason relationships were easier when I was in the closet. Oh wait, maybe because the only emotions involved were pretty much platonic when I was with girls? Haha.