Bizarre Empty Feeling

[risemix]

I would not typically describe myeslf as being clingy, or a "love at first sight" type. I've been in only one long-term relationship at 23; I've never told anyone I love them, because while I'm conservative in few realms, I am conservative about relationships. It isn't that I'm picky, it's just that I never feel like I connect to the men I date on the level that I should. They may be handsome, or nice, but there's always something missing.

Exasperated with my suburban life and struggling with my weight, I decided to blow my savings and move to New York City. So far I'm in love with it here; I fit in somehow, without fitting in. I'm a classic dreamer type: very submissive, perhaps quiet, and I find it difficult to make friends. But here it has not been a problem. My first good friend was my room mate, and Italian photographer who made me feel something I have never felt before, pretty much from the first time we spoke... and it has been problematic.

He treated me like no one has in my life. I'm not entirely sure of his sexual orientation, but he was very friendly, chivalrous, actually; from opening doors, to trying to pay for every meal, to touching my shoulder and side for comfort, all while maintaining a very strong, masculine, confident self. He can have a conversation, he is open-minded, and when he was around, I just felt like nothing could go wrong. I had never been more attracted to someone in my life, even though really, he'd never overtly come on to me.

I knew it was coming, but he had a sudden health issue and moved out yesterday to return to Italy a few months sooner than he thought he would have to go. Before he left, he hugged me tightly and gave me his blanket, and said he'd see me next time he was here.

I've only been here a few weeks, but in the short time we'd known each other, we became very close and I feel very empty now... and I don't know if this is normal. I've talked to friends about it, and they just brush it off, saying that I didn't know him long enough to be worried about it, that it isn't normal to get so attached to someone so quickly, etc. The problem is that I agree. And now I'm worried that I might have some kind of dependency issue. I have shown signs of it before, just not usually in romantic relationships... more with my family members, and close friends. With that said, I've only had one serious relationship, and I otherwise avoid them, so it is possible that's why it hasn't come up.

Am I crazy? Do I need therapy or something? Should I just find a fuck on gay.com and get over it (well I probably wouldn't do that, I'm kind of prude )

 

[Telstra]

You are not crazy.
Just abit lonely and need to be with someone nice i guess.

If you feel like going to therapy, go for it.

 

[MajorApollo]

I know exactly how you are feeling right now.
I dated this guy over the summer, and when school started, he dumped because he said he was "Going to be too busy", when I know all he does is sit at home and play around on his computer. He even told me this a few weeks ago.
We're still friends, but not like how we used to be.

My friends are "too busy" for me too. All I do everyday is go to class (if I feel like it), work out for 3 hours at the school gym (I feel like doing that ALL the time), go home, dick around on the computer, then go to bed late because I have no way to expend the energy i built up from the gym.

Thing is... I graduated from college already. I got my BS in archaeology in may, and I came back for a second BS in geography. But my whole decision to stay here was influenced by that guy.
I feel trapped, when I could have left and done my thing.
I CONSTANTLY feel like pulling an "into the wild" and just travelling on my own.
My main mission right now is to become as ripped as I possibly can, school is second for me right now.
I feel like if I can at least be successful in one aspect of my life, then I've at least accomplished something.

 

[bankside]

People are occasionally supposed to mean something to each other! Not only as lovers but also possibly as friends, or as family, or as long-lost acquaintances that can pick up a conversation at the moment they left off.

One of the signs of dependency is feeling compelled to move closer to someone when they don't feel that way yet, or don't feel that way at all. However his affection for you seems comfortable and natural, so I don't see him reacting as though you are imposing on him. It is not a question of dependency. Maybe your feelings come from just finding someone you actually like!

Congratulations! It is good to surround yourself with people like that, and to keep in touch with them.

 

[KaraBulut]

Am I crazy? Do I need therapy or something? Should I just find a fuck on gay.com and get over it (well I probably wouldn't do that, I'm kind of prude )

This story is pointing you the fact that you're in a big city and you're isolated and lonely.

You need more friends. You need social interaction with other people.

The question of sex/boyfriends is separate but it seems a bit like you've confused them. The need to feel physically close to someone overlaps with the need for social interaction but it is a separate thing.

As for the therapy question... what happens too often in these scenarios where the need for therapy is nebulous is that you end up paying to have someone listen to you talk about your day for an hour. Your therapist is not your friend, he's your therapist. Get friends first, get a more balanced life and then decide if you need therapy.

 

[crubbed]

You definitely have some dependency issues. I say that because I know how it feels. Actually, I'm living a very similar situation myself. I met this guy, he was my flatmate, I fell in love out of desperation and guess what. He gave me signs that it was mutual. He caressed me twice, we exchanged a few sweet words and then he disappeared in thin air. I haven't heard from him in a month, whereas he said he wanted to catch up with me ASAP.

So, be careful. Even if this guy is all touchy-feely, and seems sensitive and all, the problem is that you are isolating yourself and putting all of your eggs in one basket. Chances are everything is in your head, so please find a way to meet new people, you'll soon forget about him and about that feeling of longingness.

 

[LonelyFace]

I would not typically describe myeslf as being clingy, or a "love at first sight" type. I've been in only one long-term relationship at 23; I've never told anyone I love them, because while I'm conservative in few realms, I am conservative about relationships. It isn't that I'm picky, it's just that I never feel like I connect to the men I date on the level that I should. They may be handsome, or nice, but there's always something missing.

Exasperated with my suburban life and struggling with my weight, I decided to blow my savings and move to New York City. So far I'm in love with it here; I fit in somehow, without fitting in. I'm a classic dreamer type: very submissive, perhaps quiet, and I find it difficult to make friends. But here it has not been a problem. My first good friend was my room mate, and Italian photographer who made me feel something I have never felt before, pretty much from the first time we spoke... and it has been problematic.

He treated me like no one has in my life. I'm not entirely sure of his sexual orientation, but he was very friendly, chivalrous, actually; from opening doors, to trying to pay for every meal, to touching my shoulder and side for comfort, all while maintaining a very strong, masculine, confident self. He can have a conversation, he is open-minded, and when he was around, I just felt like nothing could go wrong. I had never been more attracted to someone in my life, even though really, he'd never overtly come on to me.

I knew it was coming, but he had a sudden health issue and moved out yesterday to return to Italy a few months sooner than he thought he would have to go. Before he left, he hugged me tightly and gave me his blanket, and said he'd see me next time he was here.

I've only been here a few weeks, but in the short time we'd known each other, we became very close and I feel very empty now... and I don't know if this is normal. I've talked to friends about it, and they just brush it off, saying that I didn't know him long enough to be worried about it, that it isn't normal to get so attached to someone so quickly, etc. The problem is that I agree. And now I'm worried that I might have some kind of dependency issue. I have shown signs of it before, just not usually in romantic relationships... more with my family members, and close friends. With that said, I've only had one serious relationship, and I otherwise avoid them, so it is possible that's why it hasn't come up.

Am I crazy? Do I need therapy or something? Should I just find a fuck on gay.com and get over it (well I probably wouldn't do that, I'm kind of prude )

Well, I was gonna say you're in love and that you shouldn't be worried about being in love with somebody, but i guess since nobody else seems to think so, I must be wrong...

 

[Mirage]

I would not typically describe myeslf as being clingy, or a "love at first sight" type. I've been in only one long-term relationship at 23; I've never told anyone I love them, because while I'm conservative in few realms, I am conservative about relationships. It isn't that I'm picky, it's just that I never feel like I connect to the men I date on the level that I should. They may be handsome, or nice, but there's always something missing.

I've got the same thing.

Exasperated with my suburban life and struggling with my weight, I decided to blow my savings and move to New York City. So far I'm in love with it here; I fit in somehow, without fitting in. I'm a classic dreamer type: very submissive, perhaps quiet, and I find it difficult to make friends. But here it has not been a problem. My first good friend was my room mate, and Italian photographer who made me feel something I have never felt before, pretty much from the first time we spoke... and it has been problematic.

He treated me like no one has in my life. I'm not entirely sure of his sexual orientation, but he was very friendly, chivalrous, actually; from opening doors, to trying to pay for every meal, to touching my shoulder and side for comfort, all while maintaining a very strong, masculine, confident self. He can have a conversation, he is open-minded, and when he was around, I just felt like nothing could go wrong. I had never been more attracted to someone in my life, even though really, he'd never overtly come on to me.

Is that feeling what you experience something like you know him for a long time and even if you're tired you're very alive when near him. If that's what you feel, you definitely have the same thing I get sometimes.

I knew it was coming, but he had a sudden health issue and moved out yesterday to return to Italy a few months sooner than he thought he would have to go. Before he left, he hugged me tightly and gave me his blanket, and said he'd see me next time he was here.

I've only been here a few weeks, but in the short time we'd known each other, we became very close and I feel very empty now... and I don't know if this is normal. I've talked to friends about it, and they just brush it off, saying that I didn't know him long enough to be worried about it, that it isn't normal to get so attached to someone so quickly, etc. The problem is that I agree. And now I'm worried that I might have some kind of dependency issue. I have shown signs of it before, just not usually in romantic relationships... more with my family members, and close friends. With that said, I've only had one serious relationship, and I otherwise avoid them, so it is possible that's why it hasn't come up.

Am I crazy? Do I need therapy or something? Should I just find a fuck on gay.com and get over it (well I probably wouldn't do that, I'm kind of prude )

You're not crazy. What you feel is a 'higher' way of loving someone. It's hard to get (ever) over it and it needs time and patience to get used to it. Well at least I needed it.

Don't do anything stupid like fucking someone just to get it out of your head. It only makes you feel worse and the feeling to the person gets stronger. The only thing that works are:

1. Get back or continue your normal life. It makes you slowly forget the feeling.
   Bad news: It will take a while.
2. Find and other guy (or girl if you're bi) where you feel the same thing.
   Bad news: It's very rare to have feelings that are so strong. I've only had it 4 times. Some never had it even once.

Anyhow... good luck with the choice. If you need more advice, ask me.

 

[Lube]

Well, I was gonna say you're in love and that you shouldn't be worried about being in love with somebody, but i guess since nobody else seems to think so, I must be wrong...

No, I thought the same thing. Especially with the opening of doors and wanting to pay for stuff.

And an Italian?! Woo!

 

[Halifaxboy8]

Hehe, you don't need therapy.

You are just in a lonely, sensitve place right now and this guy is the first one that showed you some attention. What he gave you probably wasn't indicative of anything other than an expression of himself. He likes to touch, and he's friendly and generous. Some people are just tactile and open in that way in general.

You mentioned that this was a recent move for you, that you are weight sensitive, and that you are coming out of a relationship. That's a lot of stuff. Really, it is. And, its kind of all at once, or at least within a very short period of time.

So, you're vulnerable. You say that you are happy to be where you are, and that's awesome! But, being in a good place to live does not equal being happy with yourself.

I'd suggest you take a look at where you are now, and where you want to be. What could you do to get to that place? Activities? People? Build you. Be confident in who you are and where you are.