Black Internal RACISM: a brother who won't sleep with a brother is....

[blackdarren]

I'm a Blackamerican brother who seems to exculsively fantasize, find attractive & actively pursue WHITE guys...at times this bothers
me...should it...it can't be that I simply find them more appealing....I'd appreciate it if my KIN & KIND reponsed... I want to hear/read from those actively deal with TYPE of dilemma/conflict/situation/issue....

 

[HoustonTroy]

Well I'm Hispanic but I wont sleep with Hispanic men. Just not my thing. I will sleep with,White, Black, Asian, but not hispanic.

 

[Devante_Swing]

Well your title says one thing, but you post doesn't totally allude to it. Personally I think it's GREAT when people are open-minded enough to have relationships with others, who may not be the same race as them. But if someone actively shuns or disqualifies their own "kind" (or even a certain other kind...but that's a different post), well then yes I do think they have some internal issues. Sometimes "attraction" very well symbolize something deeper.

 

[PabloZed]

I can understand how someone can grow up in America and find whites attractive because that is generally what the media tells you. And then there are the negative images and stereotypes of minorities, not just blacks. Hispanics are all treated as if there were Mexican and illegal and asians are nearly ignored (except when its time to go to the carryout). What is ironic is that its the men and women of the "ghettos" who have the most love for one another. I happen to be a rich lilly white boy who went to boarding school, but I love to hang out with the brothers playing basketball, playing cards. Its not about race, but about a connection. But that does not mean I dislike anyone else. Indeed I've dated every race because I find something attractive about many different kinds of people and I would only date someone else who is also open-minded.

I once had a black guy approach me in a bar and for some reason he thought it would help if he told me he only dated whites. I asked him, "well, if you don't find yourself attractive enough to date, why should I?" He looked at me like I was an alien, having no idea what to say. Its sort of like selling Fords when you drive a BMW. If a Ford is not good enough for you, why should i settle for one?

Peace and hair grease.

 

[tx_doc]

I'm Irish, German, Cherokee Indian and Black. I'm glad I don't restrict myself or there wouldn't be anyone in the world I would sleep with.

 

[e2ksj3]

I run into that problem all the time, and it has made dating and exploring my sexuality with other guys, not worth it. It's like every guy I meet on the Internet starts talking to me, and then they ask for a photo and then say "Uhmm, I'm only interested in whites" or simply stop responding to me, it's very fustrating.

 

[PabloZed]

Well the quick fix for that is to post your pic so they know from the start. Or put it in your profile.

I am a real weirdo when I chat online. If someone msgs me and they state a racial preference in their profile I will say I only chat with open-minded people. Its amazing how many guys get upset when I say that, yet its ok to state other preferences.

 

[Rockercub]

If someone msgs me and they state a racial preference in their profile I will say I only chat with open-minded people. Its amazing how many guys get upset when I say that, yet its ok to state other preferences.

That's because your statement of preference carried a judgment. I don't know about you, but I didn't choose the types of guys I’m attracted to, just like I didn’t choose to be attracted to men and not women. I find myself primarily attracted to white guys, usually blonds. Maybe it’s imprinting, as my dad is blond – I really don’t know. What I do know is that it doesn’t come from closed-mindedness or racism.

I will say that I don’t think it’s very good etiquette to say, “I’m sorry, I only date white guys.” If you’re not attracted to somebody, just say so. Why bring race into it? And maybe if you drop the hard-and-fast rules (he’s Black/Asian/Hispanic; therefore, I can’t find him attractive), you’ll find that you actually can be attracted to a broader spectrum of guys than you originally thought.

 

[bma1983]

Well your title says one thing, but you post doesn't totally allude to it. Personally I think it's GREAT when people are open-minded enough to have relationships with others, who may not be the same race as them. But if someone actively shuns or disqualifies their own "kind" (or even a certain other kind...but that's a different post), well then yes I do think they have some internal issues. Sometimes "attraction" very well symbolize something deeper.

I agree.

I am a real weirdo when I chat online. If someone msgs me and they state a racial preference in their profile I will say I only chat with open-minded people. Its amazing how many guys get upset when I say that, yet its ok to state other preferences.

 

[Babyboyfl]

Hi blackdarren'

From a fellow "Kin and Kind". I too find myself actively pursuing "white" men. I used to say to myself as you have stated that this was my preference but one day as with you it started bothering me.


If I don't seek after my own kind does that mean that I am racist towards my own race? Have I violated some ethnic rule of ethics? Do I hate myself?


After much soul-searching I came to the conclusion that although I pursue "white" men I am not choosing them over any other racial group. I just like men. And it just so happens that I can find a white man far easier than a black man or any other ethnic group. (except hispanic here in South Florida, Yum! )


When I go to the club, library, art gallery, shopping, beach, or any of the other numerous places I hang-out I am usually the only "black" person in the room. What am I suppose to do not talk to anyone and go home to jack-off? Not me!


Another reason I do not actively seek out my own kind is because I have yet to meet a black male who is 100% comfortable with his homosexuality. I am only about 90% there myself. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the idea of being gay. I used to be married and I honestly tried to live a straight life and deny my "sinful lusts". But I could not live a lie any longer.


Personally I no longer have time to waste with men who do not know what they want. DL, bisexual, gay-curious they are all the same: men who can not accept who they are without some type of guilt. Trust me they do not make for good relationships or good sex. So why bother?


Only you can decide if your motivations for your actions are pure? So tell us..... are you racist against your own kind or not?

 

[Rockercub]

Do I think that it is internal racism to be of a certain race and to, in general, not be attracted others of it? Yeah. I sure do.

I pretty much agree with everything you have to say except this. I'm not trying to start a debate (I promise!), but I am curious as to why you feel this way.

 

[Horschallen]

My being fat or deaf does not mean I want to or have to bed down with another fat man or another deaf man. Same difference!

 

[stormy-lad]

It's all sexual preference. You sleep with who you find attractive.

Some men dont sleep with other men. Some black people dont sleep with other black people. Its not wrong.

My white female friend only sleeps with black men. Its not wrong. Dont worry.

 

[iman]

You should know better than anyone in this forum why you prefer whites. If it's a preference, that's fine, if it is racism, then you have a problem. Your the only one that can answer that. Personally, god knows, I'll sleep with anything, but I do have a preference for other races.

 

[blueto21]

Well as a white guy I am open minded to all races. Your not alone in your thinking. There are some white guys who only want to date other "white guys". Personally I couldn't be with someone who wasn't as open-minded as I am. When I look for men I don't look for a sex buddy or a one night stand. I look for a long lasting meaningful relationships and I am 22(the young one)LOL! But I couldn't see myself being with anyone (white/black/asian/native american/ etc.) that was not willing to date someone of their own race. I don't look for the physical attributes or the race of a man when I'm looking for a potential partner. I look at his heart. I look at his personality. I look at his level of intelligence. I look at his level of integrity and honesty. I do have to be attracted to him. I have never dated someone outside of my race. I have only dated and been with white men. But I am more than willing to date someone outside of my race. I LOVE MEN. Black, white, it doesn't matter to me. I understand we can't help who we are attracted to, but I think its poor judgement on our part to say that we could never find true LOVE with a particular group based on their ethnicity(physical attributes). If we open our eyes LOVE can come in if we allow it to. I think you should really look at yourself. Examine your values and what's really important to you in life. I couldn't date someone like you, but I think if you can at least allow yourself to do that you will become more at peace with life. If you do decide to close out a particular group based on their race, who knows you just may be missing out on the LOVE that God intended for you to have all along.

 

[Rockercub]

Well as a white guy I am open minded to all races. Your not alone in your thinking. There are some white guys who only want to date other "white guys". Personally I couldn't be with someone who wasn't as open-minded as I am. When I look for men I don't look for a sex buddy or a one night stand. I look for a long lasting meaningful relationships and I am 22(the young one)LOL! But I couldn't see myself being with anyone (white/black/asian/native american/ etc.) that was not willing to date someone of their own race. I don't look for the physical attributes or the race of a man when I'm looking for a potential partner. I look at his heart. I look at his personality. I look at his level of intelligence. I look at his level of integrity and honesty. I do have to be attracted to him. I have never dated someone outside of my race. I have only dated and been with white men. But I am more than willing to date someone outside of my race. I LOVE MEN. Black, white, it doesn't matter to me. I understand we can't help who we are attracted to, but I think its poor judgement on our part to say that we could never find true LOVE with a particular group based on their ethnicity(physical attributes). If we open our eyes LOVE can come in if we allow it to. I think you should really look at yourself. Examine your values and what's really important to you in life. I couldn't date someone like you, but I think if you can at least allow yourself to do that you will become more at peace with life. If you do decide to close out a particular group based on their race, who knows you just may be missing out on the LOVE that God intended for you to have all along.

You're contradicting yourself. You say that you have to be attracted to someone to date them, but then you say that you should open up to find love with those you aren't attracted to. You can't have it both ways. Then you turn around and say you won't date someone who isn't attracted to all races -- what a hypocrite! This is something that is potentially beyond their control, so why are you faulting them for it? Did you just casually decide that you found blonds attractive and not brunettes? That you liked tall guys and not short ones? So you're the one closing out a particular group of people because of who they find attractive, which is equally as closed-minded.

 

[blueto21]

You're contradicting yourself. You say that you have to be attracted to someone to date them, but then you say that you should open up to find love with those you aren't attracted to. You can't have it both ways. Then you turn around and say you won't date someone who isn't attracted to all races -- what a hypocrite! This is something that is potentially beyond their control, so why are you faulting them for it? Did you just casually decide that you found blonds attractive and not brunettes? That you liked tall guys and not short ones? So you're the one closing out a particular group of people because of who they find attractive, which is equally as closed-minded.

You must have misunderstood my post. I am NOT contradicting myself. I said I must be attracted to the person but I do NOT eliminate a group of (men) based on their ethnicity(race). I am attracted to MEN NOT THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN. I am open to all races of men. The original poster said he only would consider "white men" not men of his own race. The difference in our perspectives is that I am open to all races of men. The original poster is NOT open to all races of men. He is open to only "white men". I find all races of men attractive. Not all MEN but all races of men. GET IT! Or do I have to break it down for ya some more? In that aspect I am closed minded to people who are not open to all races. YES YOUR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! I am closed minded when it comes to this. I wouldn't spend one hour with someone I knew who was closed minded as far as not being open to dating all races. If your not attracted to someone because of their race that's your problem and your loss. NOT MINDS! But I refuse to live my life in such closed mindedness. And I have every right not give a guy a shot who has this type of mentality. Whatever you or the original poster likes is your business. More power to ya. I just know what I like and men who lack good character are NOT on the list. If your only attracted to people for their physical attributes(race) then good for you. I hope you will find a happy and meaningful relationship in the process.

 

[Rockercub]

You must have misunderstood my post. I am NOT contradicting myself. I said I must be attracted to the person but I do NOT eliminate a group of (men) based on their ethnicity(race). I am attracted to MEN NOT THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN.

First of all, there’s a whole lot more to race than just the color of one’s skin. For example, certain races tend to have less hair than others, so someone who’s into hairy guys would tend to find that race less attractive. And if you only found blonds attractive, you’d pretty much be limited to Europeans.

The difference in our perspectives is that I am open to all races of men. The original poster is NOT open to all races of men. He is open to only "white men". I find all races of men attractive. Not all MEN but all races of men. GET IT! Or do I have to break it down for ya some more?

Maybe I did misunderstand. When you said, “I do have to be attracted to him,” I presumed you meant physically attracted. But I guess you’re saying that a person’s looks don’t matter to you at all in terms of sexual attraction. That’s great – in my opinion, you’re a very lucky person. But in my experience, you’re also part of a very small minority. Most people, me included, do find themselves sexually attracted to certain physical attributes, and they seek out those attributes in people they’re going to date and/or have sex with.

In that aspect I am closed minded to people who are not open to all races. YES YOUR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! I am closed minded when it comes to this. I wouldn't spend one hour with someone I knew who was closed minded as far as not being open to dating all races. If your not attracted to someone because of their race that's your problem and your loss. NOT MINDS! But I refuse to live my life in such closed mindedness. And I have every right not give a guy a shot who has this type of mentality. Whatever you or the original poster likes is your business. More power to ya. I just know what I like and men who lack good character are NOT on the list.

See, this is what is so offensive about your post. You’re saying that what people find sexually attractive, which is generally beyond their control, is equivalent to a lack of good character. It’s like saying that someone is closed-minded if he doesn’t like the taste of asparagus and therefore doesn’t eat it. Personally, I have friends of all different races, so I resent your implication that I’m lacking in character in that regard.

If your only attracted to people for their physical attributes(race) then good for you. I hope you will find a happy and meaningful relationship in the process.

And now you’re the one jumping to conclusions – it’s not an either/or situation. I think most people are attracted to a combination of physical and mental attributes. This is certainly the case with me. And, yes, I’ve already found that special someone, and we do have a very happy and meaningful relationship, so you can save the violin.

 

[blueto21]

First of all, there’s a whole lot more to race than just the color of one’s skin. For example, certain races tend to have less hair than others, so someone who’s into hairy guys would tend to find that race less attractive. And if you only found blonds attractive, you’d pretty much be limited to Europeans.


Maybe I did misunderstand. When you said, “I do have to be attracted to him,” I presumed you meant physically attracted. But I guess you’re saying that a person’s looks don’t matter to you at all in terms of sexual attraction. That’s great – in my opinion, you’re a very lucky person. But in my experience, you’re also part of a very small minority. Most people, me included, do find themselves sexually attracted to certain physical attributes, and they seek out those attributes in people they’re going to date and/or have sex with.


See, this is what is so offensive about your post. You’re saying that what people find sexually attractive, which is generally beyond their control, is equivalent to a lack of good character. It’s like saying that someone is closed-minded if he doesn’t like the taste of asparagus and therefore doesn’t eat it. Personally, I have friends of all different races, so I resent your implication that I’m lacking in character in that regard.


And now you’re the one jumping to conclusions – it’s not an either/or situation. I think most people are attracted to a combination of physical and mental attributes. This is certainly the case with me. And, yes, I’ve already found that special someone, and we do have a very happy and meaningful relationship, so you can save the violin.

I just wanted to make myself clear. Well then end of story.

 

[FLGG2007]

Re: Black Internal RACISM: a brother who won't sle

I have a black friend who won't look at black men. When he talks about having sex with black men, he looks disgusted with the idea, and voices the same thing. He's gone so far as to say that black men aren't worth his time, and he implies that he's better than they are.
I've accused him of being racist. He almost admits it, but instead says that he just isn't interested in any black men.
He will, however, jump into the new "next ex" relationship with both feet if it involves a white Jewish man.
It's too hard to figure out, but I'm sure that a sociologist would have a ball with this one.