Shadowclad86
Slut
Have you ever had an itch to find out what happened to your best friend, your ex, your coworker, or a family member you’ve lost contact with and then suddenly find yourself on a social network-like myspace-and *poof* right there in front of you, that person you were wondering about on a screen. Someone who you no longer recognize, someone that has changed so much that the very new and strange sight sends a cold and shocking feeling through you. But then it does something else, it puts something you’ve always known into a clearer perspective that it slaps you with something you didn’t see.
Today, while taking a break from studying, I had a thought about what was happening with a cousin I lost contact with long ago. So I looked her up and was completely shocked, she was completely different from how I’d remembered her and seemingly happy and full of life. But there was something wrong and I didn’t know what. Looking around, I noticed what it was. She’d moved on, she was living life. Something I really haven’t been doing.
I know this is ranting, but it’s necessary to get this off my chest. For someone other than myself to hear, to hopefully tell me if this conclusion is right. For the past years I’ve become numb and extremely avoidant to the world, I’ve completely shut myself down from living. These feelings became apparent when I started going to school at the beginning of this year, but it became the truth today…from simply looking up someone I’ve haven’t spoken to in years.
So now the whole purpose of writing this, the revelation, I’ve got to stop being shelled in my world. I’ve got to communicate and starting speaking up, find a way to be social and get rid of this feeling that I’m not living and that I don’t exist. I have to start saying, “Hi” more often and not just nod my head or pretend I didn’t hear someone acknowledge me…I don’t know, I say this now but I’ll most likely forget about it and wimp out.
Why is it hard to meet people, decent human contact. I need a break…need to start living again.
Today, while taking a break from studying, I had a thought about what was happening with a cousin I lost contact with long ago. So I looked her up and was completely shocked, she was completely different from how I’d remembered her and seemingly happy and full of life. But there was something wrong and I didn’t know what. Looking around, I noticed what it was. She’d moved on, she was living life. Something I really haven’t been doing.
I know this is ranting, but it’s necessary to get this off my chest. For someone other than myself to hear, to hopefully tell me if this conclusion is right. For the past years I’ve become numb and extremely avoidant to the world, I’ve completely shut myself down from living. These feelings became apparent when I started going to school at the beginning of this year, but it became the truth today…from simply looking up someone I’ve haven’t spoken to in years.
So now the whole purpose of writing this, the revelation, I’ve got to stop being shelled in my world. I’ve got to communicate and starting speaking up, find a way to be social and get rid of this feeling that I’m not living and that I don’t exist. I have to start saying, “Hi” more often and not just nod my head or pretend I didn’t hear someone acknowledge me…I don’t know, I say this now but I’ll most likely forget about it and wimp out.
Why is it hard to meet people, decent human contact. I need a break…need to start living again.