Blowjob from a straight (?) friend

[itsme1]

Don't believe the hype. Background: we're both 20, been best friends for a few years now. Most people would say he's a womanizer, but I always felt he was at least curious. I don't have a crush on him or anything, he's like a brother. He'd always talk about being so drunk he doesn't care if he gets a blowjob from a guy or girl, how he's so drunk that he can suck someone's dick and he even reached for mine serveral times. Plenty of gay references. I always rejected him because I didn't want any "I was drunk" excuse afterwards. People use that excuse to do "bad" things and get away with it.

He has a girlfriend he sees once a week. I've never met her. He's been cheating on her all this time. He did the same with his ex-girlfriend, he always cheats. I always turned him down and his little clues, because I don't think it's respectful for the girl and it's not respectful for me to be the dirty secret.

Anyway... I told him recently that I might be gay or bi. He tried to sound like a typical straight "masculine" gay and said it would be so awkward if I was a fag. He also admitted to experimenting with a guy when he was drunk. We both had a little to drink yesterday and he reached for my dick again. I refused and he kept trying for almost 5 minutes till I stopped resisting and said what the hell. He had my dick in his mouth for like 10-15 seconds, then I remembered he has a girlfriend and told him to quit. Literally had to push him away because he kept wanting it, like I'm ruining his big fantasy (I always suspected it). Then he got mad I refused, said it wasn't fair and that I "owe" him to at least finish in his mouth or lick his dick for 5 seconds. I refused, told him he was drunk (bullshit) and he kept saying that he's really not that drunk (true) and that we must be equal. He kept trying to convince me and I said no. Weird moment, like I destroyed his fantasy and somehow I'm the bad guy. Then we both went home.

I feel bad about all of that. Not for him, but because for 10-15 seconds I didn't think about the fact he has a girlfriend. Never met her, but I don't want to be a part of something that disgusting. I keep thinking, "does it count if it was just for a few seconds?" but I'm hard on myself. The "unavailable straight guy" isn't a fantasy of mine, I want someone who's real with me. I don't want to be anyone's secret. I think this friendship is officially dead now, which is a shame after all these years... Any opinions on all of this? Awkward...

 

[Rand]

No, its not you, its him.

Imho, I think you did the right thing. You should not take advantage of a drunk nor allow a drunk to take advantage of you. Tell him he is your friend sober and a pain to be with drunk. I hope he stays your friend, I doubt if he could find a better one.

do celebrate your life,
Rand

 

[itsme1]

No, its not you, its him.

Imho, I think you did the right thing. You should not take advantage of a drunk nor allow a drunk to take advantage of you. Tell him he is your friend sober and a pain to be with drunk. I hope he stays your friend, I doubt if he could find a better one.

do celebrate your life,
Rand

Thanks. That's nice to hear, I feel a little dirty letting him start in the first place. He has a girlfriend and somehow I forgot about it for 10-15 seconds. Not like me at all, I have limits.

I don't even think it was just him being drunk, he always tried to pull something like this with me. I always rejected him, but yesterday I was curious to see what would happen if I didn't stop him. I think he was the one trying to take adventage of me, making his fantasy come true (repressed bi/gay guy?) while not having to admit he really wanted a guy afterwards. He did tell me he hopes I won't turn out to be a fag. He was half joking, but still...

 

[KaraBulut]

This comes down to exactly what kind of friends you are.

If you're close friends, then adding blowjobs to the mix is a great way to end a friendship- especially if your "straight" friend appears to be enjoying blowing you a little more than a "straight" guy should.

If you're just hang-out drinking buddies, it probably doesn't matter. If trading blowjobs fucks up this friendship, it might not be such a great loss. Losing a friend who hasn't introduced you to his mysterious girlfriend, cheats on his girlfriends and has to get drunk to work up the nerve to give a blowjob is probably not going to be too great a loss.

Next time instead of focusing on whether he has a girlfriend, focus on why he doesn't have the balls to go for your dick when he's sober.

 

[chrisdobro]

Things happen in life. A lot of things.
Do not fret about the 10-15 second time period, when you forgot. Fret instead about the next 10-15 seconds, when you remembered but still had him on your dick. Wait.. that last bit did not happen. Had it happened, I'd tell you to fret. Therefore, don't fret! Things happen : ) Don't beat yourself up for temporary memory loss of being in-the-moment of things. Makes sense? Read this paragraph again. It reads like a math proof, but maybe it will help.

Best friends don't die. Give this one a benefit of the doubt. When the moment is right - if there is any hint of what happened or any hint of him trying to do this again, tell him straight out and clear in your own words:
* I am not cool with sex when you are "with girlfriend"
* I am not cool with "drunk sex"
* so cut it out or ask me when not drunk and available

Cheating is his thing. How you deal with it is yours.
His straight/gay thing is his as well. It sounds like to me that you want him to take that thing through proper channels. That should be your message to him.

So,
* give him the benefit of the doubt - he might have his own story to tell, and he might be struggling with realizing he is gay while having a girlfriend. Realizing oneself is gay is not the easiest thing in the world yet.
* Convey your own message to him firm and clear - if he is to play with you he has to take it through the proper channels, the ones defined by you.

How's that?

 

[billybob109]

wow good for you yes it is wrong for him to cheat and lie to his girlfriend. But if you never met her how do you know she really exists maybe it is a cover. Regardless if you do really want to be with him when he is single than by all means do it.

 

[On The Edge]

I must say most guys wud have taken the opportunity....I see brain before dick....that's a good thing though ...

 

[Telstra]

I don't see anything wrong with sucking each others dicks and still friends.

 

[itsme1]

This comes down to exactly what kind of friends you are.

If you're close friends, then adding blowjobs to the mix is a great way to end a friendship- especially if your "straight" friend appears to be enjoying blowing you a little more than a "straight" guy should.

If you're just hang-out drinking buddies, it probably doesn't matter. If trading blowjobs fucks up this friendship, it might not be such a great loss. Losing a friend who hasn't introduced you to his mysterious girlfriend, cheats on his girlfriends and has to get drunk to work up the nerve to give a blowjob is probably not going to be too great a loss.

Next time instead of focusing on whether he has a girlfriend, focus on why he doesn't have the balls to go for your dick when he's sober.

I see what you mean but I'd still say we're pretty close. Been friends for years and we go out together almost every weekend. We talk on the phone too sometimes. It's not a very deep friendship because he's not a "deep" person in general. Most of the time we were friends he didn't even know I was into guys, so a lot of it was fake. Two weeks ago I told him I might be gay and not bi (I actually was confused for a while) and he didn't seem happy about it. Maybe you're right and this friendship isn't as good as I thought, just awkward to end it like this.

As for his mysterious girlfriend, it's kind of a long distance relationship. I know she exists. I also know his ex girlfriend (3 years) and I've seen him with other girls too.

wow good for you yes it is wrong for him to cheat and lie to his girlfriend. But if you never met her how do you know she really exists maybe it is a cover. Regardless if you do really want to be with him when he is single than by all means do it.

Like I said above, she definitely exists. And no, I wouldn't want to be with him regardless. But sex with someone who has a girlfriend...not going to happen. Besides, why can't friends just be friends? Especially when one of them is supposedly straight. Too fake.

Things happen in life. A lot of things.
Do not fret about the 10-15 second time period, when you forgot. Fret instead about the next 10-15 seconds, when you remembered but still had him on your dick. Wait.. that last bit did not happen. Had it happened, I'd tell you to fret. Therefore, don't fret! Things happen : ) Don't beat yourself up for temporary memory loss of being in-the-moment of things. Makes sense? Read this paragraph again. It reads like a math proof, but maybe it will help.

Best friends don't die. Give this one a benefit of the doubt. When the moment is right - if there is any hint of what happened or any hint of him trying to do this again, tell him straight out and clear in your own words:
* I am not cool with sex when you are "with girlfriend"
* I am not cool with "drunk sex"
* so cut it out or ask me when not drunk and available

Cheating is his thing. How you deal with it is yours.
His straight/gay thing is his as well. It sounds like to me that you want him to take that thing through proper channels. That should be your message to him.

So,
* give him the benefit of the doubt - he might have his own story to tell, and he might be struggling with realizing he is gay while having a girlfriend. Realizing oneself is gay is not the easiest thing in the world yet.
* Convey your own message to him firm and clear - if he is to play with you he has to take it through the proper channels, the ones defined by you.

How's that?

That's a good way to look at it. I really did go out of my way to stop him, had to literally push him away twice. Then when I made him stop, I actually got a rapist/creep vibe from him. Like he was going to go crazy because I ruined his fantasy. He told me that I'll either let him finish the bj or he'll go back home. I made him go back home. That's more than many other guys would've done, so I guess I was too hard on myself.

I've tried to give him the benefit of the doubt many times. Every time he "jokingly" trying to pull something, I didn't go through with it. Asked him what's up with all that, if he's gay or what and he always says he's straight. When I finally told him I'm probably gay and not bi, his reaction was negative. Even if he's a sad repressed gay guy (most likely bi) he's too immature. BTW, I've been getting gay vibes from him for years now...it's not something new he's discovering. Just the first time I got lost in the moment.

If we go out next weekend he probably won't mention any of it, but I might mention it myself and tell him to come clean for once, like you said. We're not kids anymore and I'm over the lies myself, this is why I don't fake an interest in girls anymore.

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe you're right and this friendship isn't as good as I thought, just awkward to end it like this.

There are different kinds of friendships. It doesn't mean that the friend is any more of a friend or any less of a friend.

But it does mean that there's more to be lost if it's a valuable friend.

But- like the saying goes, "Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas". People who have values that are different than you are maybe not the people who want to have lying down with you...

As for his mysterious girlfriend, it's kind of a long distance relationship. I know she exists. I also know his ex girlfriend (3 years) and I've seen him with other girls too.

Real boyfriends spend their spare time with real girlfriends. Not getting drunk and touching their friend's dick. The girl may exist but there's something not quite right.

And given his recent actions- that you being gay is problem but sucking your dick is not... well, perhaps it's not worth trying to spend too much time or effort trying to understand something that doesn't mesh with your values.

 

[itsme1]

And given his recent actions- that you being gay is problem but sucking your dick is not... well, perhaps it's not worth trying to spend too much time or effort trying to understand something that doesn't mesh with your values.

LOL, ironic isn't it? It's ridiculous, that's why I think now he must be so embarassed he'll just disappear completely. It was him on his knees, not me. And he begged for it. If he's somehow straight, he just lost his credibility.

If we do stay in touch, I think I'll just say once and for all that I'm gay and see how it goes. That's the real test for any type of friendship. Sure, I already said I'm leaning more towards guys now but did leave the option for girls open when the truth is that I don't care for girls at all right now. I did have a phase where I thought I was bi and found girls attractive, but since I didn't do anything about it back then and I'm more interested in men right now, maybe it's time to forget about that.

 

[Seasoned]

Drunks aren't pretty or cute or safe. Anyone who uses drinking as an excuse for anything has an issue? Why? Because knowing what happens when they get drunk yet continuing to get drunk means they don't give a shit.

In essence he's self centered and disrespectful. How does the word friend apply?